To feel slightly peeved with in laws?

[NRGless]

I have wonderfully supportive in laws and, when we told them we were expecting, they told us they would like to buy us the pram (is that what they're even called these days ?). After a little trip to mothercare (other baby retailers are available lol) my DP spoke to his mum about our findings. She was horrified at the price of what we had chosen and then went on to say that she was expecting to buy a second hand one off of ebay!!
DP and I had already discussed the cost of buying everything and, being quite proud, refused his request to ask his parents to chip in (after all it was our choice to get pregnant). What he did say was that if they offered I was to accept gracefully.
I'm not a snob but as this is my first (and right at this moment feel it will be my only) baby I don't want a pre-loved pram, or anything else for that matter.
Now I don't know what to do!!! Part of me feels that if that was their intention all along then they should have said, at which point I would have gracefully declined the offer. Would I be unreasonable to just go out and buy the pram I want, at the risk of them feeling put out because of the offer? Or do I just swallow the fact they want to buy a second hand one and go along with it?
I honestly wish they hadn't said anything now

Our buggy is from ebay. I really wanted an expensive, good quality one that would last and be exactly right for our needs, but no way was I going to shell out the 'new' price for it.

When it arrived, I didn't like it. There were no instructions (they're available online but I didn't know that then) and I couldn't manage to put it together. The colour was disappointing, and there were some stains on the raincover. I broke down in tears. But then, I was pregnant and very emotional!

About a year later, it's the perfect buggy for us. We saved about £350 by getting it second-hand. Believe you me, we found plenty of ways to spend that money on the baby in other ways!

I'm with BigJessie... get as much as you can second-hand (exceptions: mattresses, shoes). Buying stuff new is really buying it for YOU. Baby doesn't care if another baby has sat in this bouncer, worn that vest, chewed that toy before. Baby will mind though if when he/she grows up, their parents' generation has used up all resources, leaving them with a spoilt planet. You want to do your best by your baby? Get them second-hand stuff.

Btw - my inlaws offered to buy our first pram.....and they did, but rather than consult us, they chose it themselves. It was a very expensive three wheeler mountain job in a print I really did not like, that I found waaaay to high spec for my needs.
I ended up using it for about three years, struggling to get the showy cumbersome thing on and off public transport (I don't drive) and in and out of shops.
The damn thing had to have the wheels taken off before it would fit in the boot of our car, which back then was a tiny hatchback. It was the most unsuitable pram in the world for us. If that sounds ungrateful, then I'm sorry....but I truly did not ask them to blow £500 on a showpiece that was an utter pain in the arse to use.
I would've been MORE than happy with a basic McLaren job.

Point being - choose your own pram.

It's for your dp not you to speak to them.

Good point - get your dp to sort this one out.

Top eBay tip. Mamas and Papas won't take prams back after they have left the store. If the pram you want retails in m&p, check eBay as you can get great deals. I got a Mylo system ( not Inc carseat) for £400, that's half price and it had been across a car park without a child in it.

Might be a good compromise.

£400 was half price!!!

I am struggling here, to imagine what features a pram could offer to EVER make it worth £800!

thud

My MIL offered to buy my pram. She had a good friend who's 2 daughters were pregnant at the same time as me. One of them got a graco travel system and my MIL kept going on and on about how I should have got one. ( I got a pram with carrycot then buggy part.) But when dd was born early and so small, MIL then admitted she was glad I'd insisted on a proper pram as I used the carrycot for her overnight as she was too tiny for the crib.

Our travel system was one of the few things we got new and I am really pleased that we did. DH has very long legs and we chose one that he doesn't kick the back of when he pushes it. I would consider getting a second hand carry cot part as DD used that for about 2 months before she was too long for it. I am now using our 2nd hand Maclaren buggy more though as travel systems are heavy and bulky.

Yeah. You need to choose it yourself, you really do.

Depending on your life style, your child may be spending a fair bit of time sitting in it (I wouldn't let anyone choose a new armchair for me; I'd want to try sitting in it first). On top of that, this is a chair that you will be moving all over the place, so it needs to be durable, appropriate for all weathers, hard-wearing, and slim enough to fit wherever you will want to take it for the next two years.

Frankly, in my own personal experience, when it comes to pushchair shopping, our family made huge fusses about what and how they wanted to buy a pram, but I thank my lucky stars I was strong enough to say "no" every day and paid for it myself.

Otherwise I would have been confined to the house, unable to go out, due to one of the various models they favoured, which were either impractically huge and heavy, or flimsy, or all three at once.

It's generous of them to offer, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with a second hand pram. But if you really had your heart set on new (and had budgeted for it out of your own money) then perhaps suggest to PILs that they could help out by getting the car seat (not recommended to buy second hand) or cot mattress (ditto)?

They should have specified that they were only willing to buy you a second hand pram (sorry, I call it that!) at the outset. (That said, something "second hand" is hardly a gift, is it?)

My ILs are the same - they only see the value in things that are reused, everything comes from a charity shop and they don't agree with buying anything new. My parents bought our new pram for DD1 because they are very generous and HATE the idea of things being preloved.

I think most mothers like things to be new the first time (although in my experience the novelty does wear off, and before long you become willing to accept seconds as the expenses pile up). However, if you feel you want new, then sod them and get it yourselves. It's up to you what you have for your child, not anyone else.

Sorry, just re-read my post and it sounds a bit mean re second hand not being a gift. I meant that if you offer to buy something for someone, you don't tend to be referring to something second hand (unless you specify this), you tend to mean something new, and something of the recipient's choice to boot.

Stop being so pfb and order from ebay. Do you think people will think you love your baby more because you have a new pram? If you have cash to splash there are much better ways to spend it, for the benefit of your dc.

Rainbowtoenails - what??

OP - pay no heed to headbangers like that - most of us get you perfectly, and agree. It's not being pfb to want a pram of your own choosing for your first baby. Most of us were exactly the same.

I don't know why people are being offish with you for wanting a new pram. I have just had DC6 and didn't want a thing second hand, and as we could afford to buy new, why not? With my PFB, we couldn't afford very much and I was greatful for the offer of second hand things, but still wouldn't have wanted a second hand pram.

If you want new I agree with those who have said that you'll begrudge it if you just agree to a second hand one you don't really want. Just get your DH to speak to them and suggest something else that you really love they might like to buy if they really want to get something.

My Grandmother wanted to buy DC4's pram, but we'd already bought it. She then wanted to buy the cot, but the ones we want is very expensive and I wouldn't expect her to buy it, so I just explained that to her. Instead w are having a shopping trip for DC4 when she visits. Is that an option for your PIL?

When ds1 was born (back in the 1980s) I chose to buy a fantastic, vintage Silver Cross pram which was absolutely superb. Given its vintage qualities, it was second-hand but I was far happier with a top quality second-hand item than a cheaper, crapper alternative. Also, this pram did amazing service since 18 months later, ds2 arrived and I could push the pair of them around our very hilly local town in complete comfort. We did keep a standard Maclaren buggy for holidays and bus travel though, this being bought new.

I think prams are a very personal thing because everyone's needs are different depending on where you live and how you travel around but certainly, new stuff can be a false economy. For example, my ds and ddil were bought a brand new lower-range travel system which turned out to be well nigh useless. It was cumbersome to take apart and felt insecure when put together again and within 6 weeks it was obvious that it needed replacing with a better model. This took some tact given that the original pram had been chosen by a family member.

I bought them very specific items that they chose with me. Some of which were bought after dgd had arrived and they'd had a chance to work out exactly what they wanted . However, I would have been equally happy to contribute towards anything really expensive. Perhaps this is the way to go so far as the OP's MIL is concerned.

I can understand the brand-new thing but it really takes no time at all, after your baby arrives, to realise just how quickly all these beautiful brand-new things are outgrown or were never really necessary.

I think the OP understands and appreciates the benefits of buying second hand, and has expressed as much.....

Here's the rub though - she doesn't WANT to. So that's that. It's her choice entirely.

As for Rainbowtoenails venomous " Do you think people will think you love your baby more because you have a new pram?"
Where has THAT come from?

I'm all for second hand stuff - though I wasn't when I had my first, I think it's quite normal to want everything shiny and new with your PFB :)

But things like prams are generally better new IMO, and certainly should be chosen by the parents. If I was ever going to buy a second hand pram I'd rather go to a boot fair or baby sale because I wouldn't risk buying something that big without seeing it first. You can be lucky of course and get the perfect pram, but you could also be very unlucky and that is a really expensive mistake! You will use it every day, and so it needs to match your priorities - one handle or two, fits on buses, parent/front facing...

I work in a charity shop and we aren't allowed to accept donations of prams/buggies because you can't guarantee the safety - same as car seats.

'twas lovely, Procrastinator. Sadly, I never kept it.

PS. I realise that the OP has said she doesn't want second hand. That's her choice.

But given that the line has been drawn under second-hand, surely the answer is to ask her MIL for a contribution to the pram rather than pay for it all? There are all sorts of valid reasons to buy a good pram rather than the cheapest and if these are explained, tactfully, MIL might well be perfectly happy making a contribution.