to want to advertise for grandparents for my dc?

[babiesneedgrannies]

Regular but have namechanged for this.

I have a beautiful 11 month old DS, whose grandparents don't want him. My MIL has never bothered to see him, saying she doesn't have the time, and my father doesn't want to hold or be near him and my mother kind of follows him in that. They have seen him once this year, for two hours. My father is toxic, and regularly texts me saying that they are staying nearby and what a wonderful time they're having but they don't come and see their grandchild.

It upsets me desperately. My own grandparents were fantastic, and my memories of times with them have lasted me years. I'm devastated my son's grandparents don't want to be around him, even hold him. No explanation has been offered for their behaviour, it is denied when they have been confronted.

In short, I want my son to have grandparents who do want him. I don't want him to be rejected anymore. Would I be a bad person if I advertised for potential grandparents to step in, and be involved in our family? I think the role they play is so important, especially these days.

I remember that our local council ran something along those lines OP. It was more an 'adopt a granny/grandpa' scenario but I suppose the outcome is the same.

I don't know how you'd go about it, maybe take an advert out in your local newspaper. As long as it's a two-way thing, with benefit to the adopted grandparents only, it would be a lovely result.

Agree completely that grandparents need grandchild and vice versa. :)

My late dh was thirty five years older than me. My ds didnt have my husbands parents. We adopted him a Nanna and Grandad in our village!!

If you're in Edinburgh or the lothian's a new charity has been set up for families who wish to find a grandparent surrogate.

Thank you how would I word it? I don't want it to come across as odd though!

I don't mind if they have existing gc's, I'm not fussy! As long as there's no shortage of love.

groovee I'm not, but maybe this is more common than I thought.

I can't believe my baby has been rejected

Why not think of back when you were a child and think of what you wanted in a grandparent. Your son is too young to ask but maybe you have friends with young children who could give you some pointers also.

Why not a 'grandparent charter/'contract'' (obviously not a formal thing) but what your DCs would like in a grandparent and what the grandparent can expect from them. Think Jane and Michael Banks putting together their job description for Mary Poppins...

Thank you lying

If anyone wants to adopt my son to be their grandson then, or knows of anyone... Please contact me

I've a similar problem with my mum, she's all very enthusiastic about DS to my brothers and sisters but she rarely asks after him when she phones has forgotten 2 of 3 birthdays and the 3rd one we finally received a present when DH pointedly phoned up and told her off. She rarely comes to visit and when we went down to stay in the area (which cost us a fortune as due to various circumstances we couldn't stay with any of the family) she came to see us at the hotel and rushed off to do something 20mins later spoiling the whole day we had planned. So that was 20mins contact in 9 mths). This year she couldn't make his birthday because she booked herself on a cruise the day after she received the invite.
Unfortunately she's a crap mum too (always has been) so although she phones every week it's to fill us in on some crap in here life rather than to ask how we are. I actively hate it as I've been battling with serious health problems for over 10yrs now and she never has wanted to talk about it or even give me a much needed hug.
I've given up on her getting any better but it makes me tremendously sad. My dad who is not with my mum is really good with DS but due to poor health rarely sees him.
Thankfully FIL & MIL are great with him but it's not the same for me anyway

Go ahead, I think there are various schemes around and it's more common than it should be

What about putting up a notice at your local old folks' home? Interested parties can then have fun interviewing you and your son... take cakes!

I really wish you well with this, it's a lovely idea and whether or not you get a formal grandparent out of it or not, you might make some lifelong, very welcome substitute grandparents for your son - and for you. Let's not underestimate the value it would have to you, somebody on your side and rooting for you.... like your own parents and IL's should.

I'd just add that I wouldn't involve or inform your IL's or parents, just go ahead. Don't cut them out altogether but don't pressure them anymore. They may well 'up their game' when they see that they don't really matter that much anymore.

You could also visit 'Gransnet'... some different advice and a perspectives might be a big help.

Please post back, I'm dying to know how you get on!

My mum adopted a local family of 5 boys as surrogate grandchildren so as to avoid pressurizing me to have kids too early! She is still fond of them now and they invite her to their weddings etc.

I think adopting grandparents /grandchildren is a brilliant idea. Some grandparents fail to appreciate their grandchildren and some older people have to wait too long/forever for the grandchildren they so desire!

Have posted on gransnet too, no nibbles yet but it's early days!

Than you for the experience sharing essential that's a really positive story to hear. I will keep updating. I hope I can find what we're looking for.

I think you will and I think it will be wonderful I wish you well!

Uh oh, they think I'm a troll on GN!

Not feeling the love yet...

Sounds like a fantastic idea. I have adopted grandparents who are by all intents and purposes better grandparents than my paternal grandparents. (My maternal grandparents are fab)

There is a lovely story behind my adopted grandparents but they have been my nana and grandad since I was born.

I hope you find some lovely grandparents for your DS, keep us updated.

What sort of thing are you expecting from it. It's a lovely idea but, how does it work? Would they just visit for tea occasionally or, would they be picking up ds from nursery etc? Do you pay them (I'm thinking all the birthdays, Xmas's etc when they will fe obliged to buy presents even though they are on a pension). I'm sure I'm just been cautious. Are you all expected to get emotionally involved? Haven't you got any elderly neighbours you could start speaking to? That might be a better idea.

All the parenting is done by DH and I. This is just an experience thing for my son. Perhaps the candidate doesn't have grandchildren, or would like more? I don't know, but there is certainly no obligation to buy gifts etc, I am NOT looking to gain from this at all.

No local elderly neighbours; they are all the same as us!

I think its great idea especially if your own parents aren't forthcoming. I guess it would be better if you already know some old people. However while you may have expectations from the prospective grandparent, have you thought about what you maybe prepared to do for the grandparent to be? Would you check up on them? Perhaps take them to hospital if they needed it? Relationships work best when they work both ways.

Absolutely, it would be two ways of course... The nature of it depends of the circumstance of the applicant though. I didn't want to exclude anyone by age though in my initial request you see.

Can I join in? I'd like some adopted grandparents for my DCs. I live in Devon

Of course

I'm quite near you kendodd

Oh, I was thinking about this. We're in London and DS's only grandparents live in Cape Town. They love him to bits but don't get to see him very often. It makes me so sad that he's missing out. It would be so nice to adopt some more family!

My mother is all excited about my brother 3rd child and yet rarely sees my 4 or the 2 he has it's all wrong, babies are golden, kids no bloody interest.

What about advertising for a mature baby sitter ?
I baby sit for one family and I only a few year younger that the grandmother and it lovely I have watch the baby grow up and the other kids are lovely and friendly. and we have some lovely chats.

I finished my post earlier as my friend arrived. My ds loved having his Nanna Freda and Grandad Tom. They lived till he was seven so he was lucky to have them. He now has a Grandma Edith who lives across the road from him. She loves it as her other gc call her Nan. When we were shopping last week he found a bell with Grandma on in a charity shop. She was thrilled when we took it over and it is at the front of her bureau.

Although I think it's a really lovely idea, could part of it be showing your GSs own grandparents how hurt you are by the way they behave?

I presume they will hear about it at some point if you find him someone to dote on him as he deserves to be doted on, or maybe you think they won't care?

I'm not saying you're doing it deliberately for this reason, but I could understand if you wanted them to know the extent you feel about their indifference.