to want to advertise for grandparents for my dc?

[babiesneedgrannies]

Regular but have namechanged for this.

I have a beautiful 11 month old DS, whose grandparents don't want him. My MIL has never bothered to see him, saying she doesn't have the time, and my father doesn't want to hold or be near him and my mother kind of follows him in that. They have seen him once this year, for two hours. My father is toxic, and regularly texts me saying that they are staying nearby and what a wonderful time they're having but they don't come and see their grandchild.

It upsets me desperately. My own grandparents were fantastic, and my memories of times with them have lasted me years. I'm devastated my son's grandparents don't want to be around him, even hold him. No explanation has been offered for their behaviour, it is denied when they have been confronted.

In short, I want my son to have grandparents who do want him. I don't want him to be rejected anymore. Would I be a bad person if I advertised for potential grandparents to step in, and be involved in our family? I think the role they play is so important, especially these days.

I don't like the thought of interview old people!!! What a shame you don't go to church or anything? There's always afew oldies at ours and in the clubhouse after!! I think it will be quite difficult afterall, they won't necessarily be as fit as they think. Will they have to be picking him up etc? If you go for the younger pensioner they usually have busy social lifes or, are still working. It's a sign of the times, my own mother hasn't got much time for her own gc. They've never had a sleep over in ten years. That doesn't mean she doesn't love them just that she had "things" to do in her own life. Grandparents are different to when we were young. Again it's a shame you just can't go somewhere and get to know some older people.

And, what about crb checks? Sad but, a sign of the times.

You don't need CRB checks for a private arrangement; it's nothing formal.

Do you take your ds to any church run toddler groups? There are plentiful grannies and grandads who love kids at the two groups I take my 12mo ds to!

I love the idea of adopting GPs. My DCs only have one grandmother who is brilliant but lives several hours away and it'd be lovely to have one more local too.

Couldn't MN and GN team up on this one?

I advocate making friends with some retired neighbours. My parents are dead and my partner's parents are very active pensioners who live 400 miles away.. they are involved in so many things that they have trouble finding the time to visit. However, our next door neighbours' grandchildren are about 400 miles away and only visit a couple of times a year, so basically my son knows them better than his own grandparents, and they know him better than their own grandchildren and everyone is happy. It can work. Bake cookies. They will come.

If you are going to do it then I would try and make friends with people in your own community or, even your own family? I just don't like the idea of advertisig but, it's probably just me. What happens if you go off someone after afew weeks? There's emotions involved. I'm probably just over thinking it.

I hope you find GP's for your children. It can be a great relationship.

But just wanted to say that good GP's don't sound as essential for your DC as it was for you. If you have toxic parents GP's can make a massive difference. If you have good parents, GP's are a great extra to have. But don't feel bad for your children - they have you to rely on.

I read on a previous thread there is something called hire a grandparent .Also LottieBlank is looking for people who are interested in adopting a grandparent.
I am myself looking for a caring grandparent for my son as my mother is unsuitable for the job.

I'm not sure how advertising would work but we moved away from where my grandparents lived when I was 4 and joined a church family group. There was an older couple involved and they became grandparents to my brother and me in everything but name. Our real grandpatents were also still very much involved. You can never have to many grandparents I think. Good luck finding some.

You do know this thread is 4 years old?