To think "Disgusted" of Tunbridge Wells is alive and kicking

[mumzy]

We went for a day out in Tunbridge Wells with dc and witnessed 3 seperate incidences of intolerance which quite took my breath away. Now on MN Tunbridge Wells is often a place where lots of families want to move to for the amazing town, countryside, schools etc, but the not so nice side is never mentioned.

Incidence 1: Went to a pub for lunch the only other people in the restaurant were 2 ladies one middle aged and the other elderly. As we approach the only table big enough for us all, which happened to be the one next to them, the elderly one starts a hacking cough we sit down anyway. Then a family arrives with a toddler whereby the elderly lady starts telling her friend about the dreadful behaviour of children where she lives in a very loud voice. Afterwards I discuss this wth dh and he said he also felt that she didn't want the children in the same room as her.

Incidence 2: Went to a hotel for afternoon tea following a walk, sat next to a family with their elderly grandfather who proceeds to tell them in a loud voice about his holidays abroad where he met some "negros".

Incidence 3: Had dinner in a bog standard restaurant in a village just outside TW. Getting late and just wanted dc fed and home. Restaurant is very slow and we have to ask for everything: menu, to place order, get bill. Whilst we were waiting forever for our food to arrive the dc play races in the garden as we had decided to sit there for dinner being easier outside than in with dc. After a while the waiter comes along and tell us to keep dc quiet as the manager was getting annoyed. Now there was noone else in the garden except us, the children weren;t shouting and all the other diners (middle aged elderly or with adult children) were inside the restaurant. On paying the bill we spoke to the manager about this and they denied all knowledge of having asked the waiter to say anything [sceptical]

AIBU to assume this sort of intolerance of children and casual racism is actually quite widespread in TW having encounterd 3 seperate incidences within a 8 hour period.

Wasn't incident three about your children being too loud for the staff/manager?

I was prehaps more surprised that none of the elderly mans family said anything to him, I've on occasions gently correctly my FIL when he said things which were not acceptable about race. I would have thought the family would be concerned that their children grow up knowing not to call black people "negros"

I don't like disrespectful kids or whiners in a restaurant but it's nice to hear kids having fun. I was at the pool the other day and listened to a hilarious group of kids who were playing celebrity funerals. Basically were planning what colour cars, the songs to be played etc and it was a bit like listening to a team planning on Apprentice!

mycat I really wasn't meaning to be offensive - I just personally don't like the place. It has a lot more crime etc than where I live and I don't think it is a very pretty place overall (there are pretty bits). I wasn't meaning to be rude, it just isn't for me.

MumblingRagDoll Yes, I know that, and it's amazing how society has done this as a whole. It wouldn't upset me though, to hear this term in the context given by OP. I wouldn't have thought it as racist either, just him using the name of a particular race.

Ah Mumzy, it's just not worth it sometimes. I mean, if, every time you take Pops out for Sunday lunch, you just KNOW he's going to bang on in a quivering yet annoyingly penetrating voice about 'Good boys, those houseboys in Rhodesia'; or (as is the want of a relative of mine) his [black] GP's alleged habit of 'throwing the bones on the table' to make a diagnosis, you tend to die inside and eat up quietly and rather briskly.

Ancient relatives can rarely be retrained, I find. But that's just my own family.

They die in the end.

So one elderly man used an outdated term and your kids annoyed multiple people? Yup hell in a handbasket

cat girl no offence taken, each to their own! we often go to other places and remark on how lucky we are to live where we do, I think everyone feels like that about where they live to some extent. I am lucky enough to work in one of the stunning little villages nearby and love my drive to work. I do live near south borough and have to admit I wouldn't move there, mainly because of the congestion and general rundownness of it.

OP I do know what you mean though, there are a lot of unpleasant people in this area - from those who do sound like they have come out of a 1930's novel to those yummy mummies who think they are better than everyone else and don't have to discipline their children! but that would be a whole other thread . . .

The dc were running races and not shouting so I could only assume the manager objected to the sound of running feet and normal children's voices. As I said we eat out a fair bit and the dc know what is acceptable behaviour and what is not and in all that time we have never been asked by a restaurant to tell the dc to be quiet. In fact I could'nt discern a difference between their behavior that evening from those in other restaurants hence why I felt the restaurant was intolerant of normal childhood behaviour

I grew up near Maidstone and now live in Tunbridge Wells and I think it's lovely here. It's ridiculous to judge a whole town based on a couple of people, if you actually lived here you'd get a more balanced true picture of the place. Yes it's a sort of middle class, middle age population but that's part of the reason I'm very happy to bring my son up here for the time being. The crime rate is low, actually, and lots of areas are very pretty, there's lots of arty cultural stuff going on all the time, and I don't think there's a judgypants anti-family atmosphere at all, not like Sevenoaks for example

I'm originally from tw. I can't see how anyone would think it was a dump?
I always feel v nostalgic when I go back. I tried to convince my dh to move there but when we went to look he was a bit there were so many pensioners.
Were you doing a restaurant review day??!

1. They had a cough,not exactly horrific!
2. Sounds like the major from Fawlty Towers! This is an outdated term but I don't think there was malice to it.
3. Who knows? Seems odd,maybe the customers inside were complaining to the waiter & he pulled the manager card so it made it less about him.

Tw is a conservative area but I'd move back from south east London in a shot!

I went into a poncy interiors shop to buy two Christmas presents and was looking to spend about a hundred pounds. There was no one in this shop but another, middle-aged couple farther back in the shop. There was some silly dog on wheels atop a chest of drawers and my 5-year-old daughter went and touched it, to which the person working in the shop told her off, and so we left and spent a hundred quid elsewhere.

We found Tunbridge Wells to be incredibly racist, so much so we've never been back. In our office any jobs out there are taken by someone else. I wouldn't call it a dump in fact parts of it were quiet pretty.

I think if I heard incidence 2 with my own ears I'd be pissing myself laughing!

Tw is very dull and not particularly nice. People from Kent think it's really posh but only because it is in comparison to the crappy towns which surround it. Bless em.

I cannot believe people say Tunbridge Wells is a dump. It is an attractive town with loads going on. Am also shocked that anyone would say Sevenoaks is anti-family. There is a very family friendly vibe there - you can't move for pushchairs and toddlers.

TW in particular is rather conservative and I'm not that surprised about the elderly man using an offensive term. Although I think what others say about him being old fashioned more than deliberately offensive is probably right given his age. I'm also thinking your kid are not easy to sit near in a restaurant we've never had anyone in TW react like that to our kids.

This isn't going to make it any better, but what I meant about Sevenoaks is that it's not very young-unmarried-family-friendly. Last time I was there, a few years ago with a pushchair, I felt like every single person was looking down their nose at me. Couldn't wait to get out!

dump was probably a bit rude. sorry

i just think it is a bit rough but there are some nice bits and the countryside is stunning

YABU to judge a whole town on the basis of 3 meals out. I think the same incidences could have happened in any reasonably affluent town with an ageing population. We lived in Epsom before we moved to Tunbridge Wells and I found that FAR rougher and less pleasant tbh.

Last weekend in TW there was a Mela, a free concert put on by the council which showcased local folk bands, an African dance troupe, a Samba inspired drumming group, and several other bands from members of the hugely diverse population that live there.

The town itself is suffering, as most high streets are in the middle of a recession, and yes, there are pockets of deprivation, which jar, given the vast affluence of some of the local population, but it's far more attractive and community spirited than a lot of the parts of London I lived in in my early 20s.

Eh? TW a dump? My standards must be really really low.

I grew up there too and it feels totally posh when we go back and see my mum. I don't know many places where Carluccio's is packed of a Sunday morning with kids (note: not Saturday - they're all at school) eating whatever delicious delights they serve up for breakfast there. My mum's the only one in her evening class without a second home in the country whose language they're learning.

Ooh, I was at the Mela - it was lovely, despite the rain. Think OP would have had a lovely family-friendly time there. We moved down to Kent a couple of years ago from London - have been a bit shocked at how bigoted tory it is round here sometimes tbh. But events like the mela do show that it's a bit more diverse than it appears.

Sorry OP, are you confirming that YOU are the outraged in TW? Sounds as though you had the most problems of all of them with the place.

I grew up there and can confirm that either you have simply taken things far to much to heart or you were simply very unfortunate in where you chose to eat your 3 meals. Besides most elderly grandfathers talk about 'negros' as to them it wasn't an offensive description.

I was just reading that 1 in 4 children in Kent lives in poverty. Some towns have huge social deprivation issues, so TW probably does seem affluent in comparison to these areas.

Stuart Maconie gets TW well in 'Adventures on the High Teas'.