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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DC's at my wedding

54 replies

Jennytailia · 24/07/2011 07:43

6 weeks until I get married (Eeeeeeeeek)

We are having a late(ish) wedding at 3pm which the children will take part in. I have 1 DSS 10yrs, 2 DS 8 and 6 yrs and 2 DD 4 and 2 yrs.

After the ceremonies we have a sitdown meal planned which I have arranged childcare for as I don't think they'll enjoy a 2 hr meal with speeches.

Then at 6pm we have an evening venue for a buffet and party, this is going to be for the DC's, mine as well as a few others. But MIL is looking after the boys for 3 days whilst we go on a short honeymoon. She has said she and FIL want to leave at 6:30 as they don't like to be out too late Hmm

But I really want my boys at the evening do, they are old enough to have a good time and my girls will be staying as my Dsis is taking care of them and she will stay. My Dsis has also said she will have the boys for that night so they can stay later.

When we mentioned this to the boys they insisted they wanted to stay at MIL and DP said I was being selfish trying to change things. So I asked him whether he would ask PIL to stay longer and he said they won't and it's up to them what time they leave.

I think they are being selfish and it's only one night that they have to stay out.

So AIBU wanting my DS's at the evening reception.

OP posts:
jasper · 24/07/2011 08:54

It's a bit of a shame and your disappointment is understandible but you have to suck it up, because your in laws are doing you a massive favour.

threefeethighandrising · 24/07/2011 08:56

Wanting to leave at 6:30 is a little odd tbh but each to their own. But it's reay not fair on you to insist your boys go then too. You need to be kind but firm.

threefeethighandrising · 24/07/2011 09:03

Actually if it was me I'd insist they stay with DSIS. I'm pretty easy going about most things but it would be important to me to have my family with me on an important day like this.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 09:05

I don't think that you have to upset anyone -sister is agreeable, PIL get to go home when they want and still see the boys for a few days.
I have yet to meet a boy who thinks 'wow a wedding-how wonderful!' but they enjoy it when they get there and it is all a bit late when they want to stay and are taken away early.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 09:06

I would insist-they would be the only really essential guests!

fluffles · 24/07/2011 09:10

you've got a big danger that the boys will kick off when they are taken away at 6.30 and everybody else gets to stay.

i think you've got to have a backup plan if that happens as you don't want their evening to end with them getting upset and being disciplined, and you don't want PILs few days with them to begin with that.

i think you need to leave two options open until the actual moment that PIL say they want to go.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 09:13

Two options are the best plan.

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 09:15

Sorry-that seems contrary to my last post! I would expect them to want to stay, so have the backup plan, but be prepared for plan A with the PIL. You need to be flexible-no point getting uptight and upsetting everyone!

eurochick · 24/07/2011 09:49

Your PIL are being unreasonable for wanting to leave that early. Your fiancé should talk to them and arrange transport or whatever if that is the problem.

Original poster
Jennytailia · 24/07/2011 10:14

DP is visiting PIL today and I have asked him to talk to them again about staying later.

If they wont then I think I will have my Dsis on stand-by in case the DS's want to stay at the party.

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 24/07/2011 10:21

FWIW good decision Jenny, Im sure everyone will enjoy the day.

rainbowtoenails · 24/07/2011 10:22

Id be horrified if all my dcs werent an integral part of the whole day. Ignore what they want, they are too young to understand. Sort arrangents with your dsis.

rainbowtoenails · 24/07/2011 10:24

Also if your ceremony starts at 3 i cant see the meal being finished by 6.

MumblingRagDoll · 24/07/2011 10:28

I can't see why you need to have the inlaws babysit anyway...the weding is at 3....it's not as if your DC will be at the wedding all day....it's afernoon and evening. I would keep them right by my side from start to finish.

LineRunner · 24/07/2011 10:33

YANBU.

I would try to compromise with them on a slightly later time, i.e. 7pm or 7.30pm, so you have your DCs at the party for a while, for photos etc, and then the grandparents and DCs all get off home at a reasonable hour. I think at least an hour at your own wedding party is not too much to ask.

And then you can let your hair down at your own wedding. Which is probably what yout DP will be looking forward to.

LineRunner · 24/07/2011 10:35

Sorry just seen your post OP, your DP is trying to negotiate a later time! Hope it goes well, it seems sensible.

iggagog · 24/07/2011 10:35

Children aside, it seems quite churlish of the future in-laws to want to leave so early, when they live nearby. Does not bode well for the future, I think.

Original poster
Jennytailia · 24/07/2011 10:39

DP really wants to stay away on our wedding night so that is why the DC's are staying out so that we can stay in a honeymoon suite. It's one of the only things he wants so I don't mind.

I wouldn't mind them going at 7:30-8, that's fine, I just don't want them taking off straight away.

OP posts:
mamas12 · 24/07/2011 10:43

Jenny why are you being soo reasonable?
You nedd your family at this most lovely of celbrations and your sons need to know family responsibilities and duties. This is a family affair and they should be there.
Make the arrangements you want and then inform everyone concerned it shouldn't be up for this amount of discussion really.

The dcs would be mortified looking back after missing this and say to you why did you let us go we didn't knowwhat we were asking.
You are the parent here.

squeakytoy · 24/07/2011 11:09

I would be quite upset that my PIL wanted to leave so early :(

YANBU especially as the day starts quite late...

SiamoFottuti · 24/07/2011 11:35

tell your very young children that you are in charge and they will do as thyey are told, instead of complaining about the people who are doing you a favour? Just a thought.

muminthemiddle · 24/07/2011 12:17

I would have sisiter on standby like others have suggested.
I think it is upto your in laws what time they leave, however strange it appears. Perhaps they want to leave early so that they can get your dcs to bed and settled?

pommedechocolat · 24/07/2011 12:53

Would the ILs leave this early if they weren't looking after the dc's? Isn't your DP a bit 'wtf' about his parents not coming to his wedding reception?!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/07/2011 13:14

Your boys are going to be at your wedding. Your thread title is misleading. The party afterwards is not that important, is it?

I'd agree with your husband to be that you don't change PIL's arrangements. They're taking your boys for three days, that's huge. Is it really worth makinga big fuss about and possibly upsetting them?

exoticfruits · 24/07/2011 13:17

Even those who like to be home early should be flexible enough to manage their own DS's wedding!

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