To start a thread to try and cheer everyone up?

[CupcakesandTwunting]

It's been a horrible week with the famine, what happened yesterday in Oslo and now poor Amy. :(

Sad times.

I just thought it would be nice to have a light-hearted thread, after I've ranted and raved at people about drug addiction, I'm feeling a bit morose. Not to make light of what's happened, but thought we could do with some LOLZ around here.

Anyone got any good jokes?

Izzy, there were some FINE specimens of men in Corfu,. FINE specimens.

However, there is no middle ground with Greek men, I find. They're either gorgeous, Adonis-type hunks that look like they've been hewn from marble OR sweaty chunks who looks like they've been hewn from doner meat.

There was one on our pool on day with cheekbones you could grate parmesan on. Even DH was taken with him.

Oh bum. Don't you just hate it when you post on a thread where everyone knows each other? It's like walking up to a group of women at a bar and saying "HIIIIIIIIII!! What are YOU guys doing?!"

Nope not me, gatecrashing and being a Random with these lovely ladies :-)

You've convinced me. I lost my marbles some time ago and could do with some replacemenst.

I might end up with a sweaty chunk whose balls are the size of marbles, but I'll take a slab of parmesan just in case.

Got any spare Howling?

Howling your link wouldn't open on my stupid fucking phone, but I love Weird Al (if that's what it was).

'menst' Freudian slip, or what?

I'm afraid my nasal laugh is not for sale, I shall give you one for free though. Snort this pepper.

My link was Werid Als' version of "Born this way". I couldn't believe he was still making music!

Was just feeling the same meself...

so.

What cheese can you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone.

I can't believe he's still making music either!

I shall You Tube it tomorrow, when I'm on the slow as fuck laptop, and not on this stupid fucking phone.

Marscapone! Ace

shakespeare walks into a pub

'oi' says the landlord 'you're bard'

Shit spelling, sorry

That was my shit spelling obv, yours was faultless mycatsays

What do donkeys get for their dinner in Blackpool?

Half an hour!

Reading this thread I feel like opened the door of the canteen where everyone is having a break from their proper mumsnetting duties.

Welcome to the Cosy Corner Canteen Again

There's cheese sarnies and bacon butties; the tea urn's run dry but you can have a nip of my while I have a crafty fag.

The hooter'll sound for the next shift and then it'll be back to more fiddly knitting round that bloody guillotine.

Before we go here's one for bupcups: What's the difference between a women's field hockey team and a tribe of street-savvy pygmies?
One's a bunch of cunning runts and the other's a bunch of....sod it, there goes that hooter...

Off we go, anyone seen my judgeypants...?

Your judgypants were last seen been used as a raincover for the Millennium Dome

Oooh nice thread. I went to bed feeling all cross last night so need cheering up! Can;t think of any good jokes though!

Here's a bit of I'd quite like a pet bishop. I'd like to make mitre-shaped sandcastles, like Bishop Brennan and his secret son did on Father Ted.

Watch the Men's 10m Platform Final from Shanghai - that'll cheer you up. Six-packs and micro-Speedos abound. It's on Eurosport as we speak.
Oof! American chap has just hit the water like a giant banana. Splashy splashy. Tom Daley has just messed up his entry on his Back 3 1/2 somersault - bugger.

ahhhhhhh glistening, wet,six packs.......lovely

Feel Tom Daley is too young for me to perv on but the rest of them are fair game

I've got that religious shouty programme on in the background (?The Big Questions) and a woman has just shrieked 'That's crap!!' and upset everyone. Ha.

spiderslegs....disgusting. Sorry for not being amused.

What do you call a group of chess enthusiasts bragging about their games in a hotel lobby at Christmas?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Sorry.