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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to defriend this person, or should I stand up for what I believe, then defriend? WARNING..FACEBOOK AND IMMIGRANTS ISSUE.

144 replies

littlemisssarcastic · 23/07/2011 20:49

Ok, I know there are many people who don't use facebook for whatever reason, but that's not why I am here.
I believe people should stand up for what they believe in, even if it means they might lose friends over it.

I am being bamboozled by a discussion I am having with a friend over their views on FB. I think I am now out of my depth, because I am convinced that this friend has now got someone else to write her replies to what I am saying. (She has never ever written or spoken like this before, in fact in all the time I have known her, she has never been able to have an intelligent conversation).

Before you say 'defriend', I'd like to say that whilst I agree that she will indeed be defriended (obviously depending on whether I am badly wrong or not) I feel I should at least attempt to give my friend 'food for thought' as it were.
It doesn't feel right to me to just walk away from such hatred without at least trying to enlighten her, or maybe it's me who needs enlightening, I don't know.

I am not sure if anyone will want to help me, so I'll post the conversation if anyone would like to see it,and hopefully make some sense of it for me, so I can at least try to clear up a few myths and maybe get this girl to think about what I have said before I defriend.

Warning: The discussion is about immigrants and how much help they should receive from the govt, so if anyone more intelligent than me who understands about immigration can help me, I'd really appreciate it. I can't help thinking that if one person changes their minds about immigrants (and friend is quite young) then I will feel it has been worth having the discussion IYSWIM.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 23/07/2011 21:47

When they do get status to remain and are no longer illegal why should they get priority social housing? Why should they get free health care when they have not contributed to society

I don't believe they should.

Tanif · 23/07/2011 21:48

The immigration debate truly is a terrifying one. I have friends I've known for years, good friends, but I daren't tell them what I do for a living (immigration/asylum lawyer) for fear of causing some kind of incident.

MigratingCoconuts · 23/07/2011 21:48

Have you tried googling a part of her post to see what comes up? You may find where she has got this from...

smoggii · 23/07/2011 21:50

The term 'Immigrants' is causing confusion here. Immigrants is a very broad term. That status update is stoopid (IMO) but that doesn't mean your friend isn't allowed to say what she wants.

'Immigrants don't get benefits' isn't a true statement either. Some don't, some do In fact up until about 10 years ago Asylum seekers were all given 'recourse to public funds' (access to benefits) and the right to work on arrival. For obvious reasons this had to change.

In any event your friend is as entitled to her opinion as you are to yours. you've told her you don't agree, she appears to have researched her view...whether it is her words or someone elses that's what she chooses to believe and she is entitled to have those beliefs.

Life would be very dull (or peaceful) if everyone agreed with each other but that's not how it works.

I respect you for letting her know you disagree but now you have to respect her choices and decide for yourself if you want someone with those views in your life. If you don't then 'defriend' her if you think this is one aspect of her personality you are prepared to accept (and i suspect that it's not as is your right) then don't.

hairfullofsnakes · 23/07/2011 21:50

Your friend is Talmud a load of bollocks it would seem but I don't think you should befriend her! Just ignore her silly ramblings and be glad you don't think like her!

Kladdkaka · 23/07/2011 21:51

Tanif with what I've learnt since becoming an immigrant myself, you should stand up and be proud of what you do. I applaud you.

namechange100 · 23/07/2011 21:52

Well if its claiming benefits she seems to have a problem with what about all the other undeserving lazy 'home grown scroungers' how does that fit with her argument.

I have put this as possible counter argument to hers to see what she would say about that, I am not pushing my personal view here which is more considered thank you.

smoggii · 23/07/2011 21:53

Tanif i'm sure YOUR motives are entirely altruistic but many an Immigration Lawyer has put their children through private school and bought their massive houses on Legal Aid handed out for years of appeals that they knew were never going to get anywhere and that makes my blood boil so I understand why you keep it to yourself.

L8rAllig8r · 23/07/2011 21:54

Obviously what you want is some genius mumsnetter to write an intelligent, reasoned response for you. But if you can't manage that yourself, why get into the debate? You've said yourself a few times you don't understand what your 'friend' is saying. So why continue arguing on the basis that you're sure you're right but don't really have an idea why. You should just admit you're out of your depth.

yearight · 23/07/2011 21:55

Ok. Once upon a time I would of stood up and indeed fought for the rights of asylum seekers or immigrants.

Personal experience 10 years down the line says different.

English employers taking on immigrants who are are willing to work for nmw or less working way over 40 hours a week. And I'm talking about the labouring profession. Puts us OUT of work - no go.

Asylum seekers doing the same - Who manage to get an APPROVED British Passport - help other relatives/friends into country and same happens again.

OP 10 years or so, i argued the toss with people, who now I now share the same opinion with.

And where are we we now. I am not saying this is to blame for the currant economic situation - but it as sure as hell aint helped it.

tethersend · 23/07/2011 21:57

Oh dear.

Well, good luck OP.

Tanif · 23/07/2011 21:58

yearight you're angry at immigrants for 'taking the jobs'... shouldn't you be angry at the usually British employers who exploit them by allowing them to perform the task for far less than the real value? Surely they're the ones driving the jobs market into the ground, not the people that are willing to work their fingers to the bone for next to nothing?

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 23/07/2011 21:59

I would approach differently, if she feels old people don't get enough what is she going to do to make a difference?

yearight · 23/07/2011 22:03

Tanif yes you are right there - just like big British company's are currently taking advantage of very low paid apprenticeships or unemployed. ( but that is another thread.

Unfortunately I have seen 1st hand Asylum seekers and Immigrants take advantage of us.

Years ago, I would off defied anyone. And fought tooth and nail for the rights of Asylum Seekers and Immigrants.

Today I shake my head for the fool I was.

yearight · 23/07/2011 22:04

The genuine in these people, I feel are very very few and far between.

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 23/07/2011 22:09

'The genuine in these people, I feel are very very few and far between.'

I'm sorry ... you 'feel' so, do you?

And what special powers do you have, that your 'feelings' on the matter should be taken into account ... or for that matter your single, subjective 'experiences'?

I know I'm being blunt, but ffs - it's not like we don't have proper lawyers and trained people working on this stuff. But oh no, every idiot has an opinion and thinks it should count.

yearight · 23/07/2011 22:11

Well maybe this idiot - has personal experience and knows how system is worked.

yearight · 23/07/2011 22:14

And lawyers and specially trained people - what is that - Oh I know people who know how to work a system for big fat fees.

Tanif · 23/07/2011 22:15

yearight pardon? Big fat fees?

I earn £10,500 a year for working three days a week. Big fat fees?

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 23/07/2011 22:16

Gosh, yearight, and still working a 'labouring' job. My goodness you must be overqualified. Hmm

BulletWithAName · 23/07/2011 22:16

Economic EU migrants can claim benefits though. I think this where the confusion lies. People lump them all in together.

electra · 23/07/2011 22:19

YANBU - people who post racist rants as staus updates get deleted right away by me.

Yes, people are entitled to have different opinions, but isn't insighting racial hatred a crime? What's more I don't want to see offensive stuff like that.

THESE PEOPLE ALWAYS WRITE IN CAPITALS TOO. Wankers..........

yearight · 23/07/2011 22:22

Ok so a local employer to where I live - prefers to employ immigrants - because "they are prepared to work a lot more hours, than lazy locals and are cheaper to employ"

And Asylum seekers, well as above plus the benefits.

And Tanif, you deal with how many Aswylum Seekers and or Immigrants per hour of the week.

Take it you dont work for yourself??

Tanif · 23/07/2011 22:23

Per hour? They're not fucking cattle!

yearight · 23/07/2011 22:30

Really I fucking know that - How many people do you represent for your £10.500 a year.

I am intrigued, you or your company. They have NO money to pay for legal fees. How is it paid by legal aid.