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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to need a survival guide for DH's broken leg incident??

91 replies

SpareRoomSleeper · 23/07/2011 13:04

DH has broken his tibia bone on his right leg, and has just come home from a week in hospital. He had an operation on the leg, where a metal rod and screws were inserted into the leg to give support to the bone. So as injuries go, it is painful and he is very very dependent on me at the mo. He's using a zimmer frame to walk afew steps to exercise, but at the moment its a big challenge for him as op was only done 3 days ago.

Anyway!

I just know that he is going to drive me bonkers sat on the sofa all day. I already told him earlier, (rather harshly) that he'd only had a leg injury, not a brain injury. ...

So ladies, am I being unreasonable to ask for some tips and advice on how to "manage" this situation over the next couple of weeks? Because DH takes ALOT of looking after. And I have a DD (2) (who has been taken out for the day by his parents)....

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 23/07/2011 13:27

he's not sick, MTG

ivykaty44 · 23/07/2011 13:28

Be prepared for infection, sorry to say but with rods into bones this often does happen (had dad with two broken wrists and pins and rods)

I arranged visiting rotas - so he had visitors one by one each day - which gave me peace of mind whilst I was at work.

I left stuff in the kitchen for the visitor to get tea and coffee and a sarnie for dad at lunch time.

be firm, understanding and kind -don't take any nonsense

YellowDinosaur · 23/07/2011 13:28

he won't be doing anyone any favours that second paragraph was meant to read...

altinkum · 23/07/2011 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MindtheGappp · 23/07/2011 13:29

Of course he is sick! His body is not working properly!

altinkum · 23/07/2011 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

latitude · 23/07/2011 13:34

People with broken legs aren't ill

AnyFucker · 23/07/2011 13:34

If you say so, altinkum

MindtheGappp · 23/07/2011 13:35

As for his illness, he has to follow medical advice.

His psychological state is the issue.

He must be totally gutted with his physical disability and his inability to make a full contribution to the family. I would try to think of says for him to contribute. If this were my DH, I would give him jobs to do on the computer, eg to tag all our photos (maybe build a website), turn our video clips into movie, and the like. As 8 said earlier, perhaps he could help prepare food, and maybe do some ironing. Polishing silver should be within his capabilities too.

AnyFucker · 23/07/2011 13:38

Look.

Op was anticipating weeks of waiting on her husband. He "takes a LOT of looking after"

All in the OP.

If you read my posts, I said that after the initial recovery period of a few days, he should get to hopping around with crutches and will be able to see to his own needs. I believe she should not have to administer to him after this if there are no ther health or medical needs that require him to be waited on hand and foot.

A fractured tibia does not fit into that category.

That makes me a man-hater ? Right you are.

likale · 23/07/2011 13:39

Things like this are difficult for everyone and he/you need to follow medical advice and I would be surprised if they reccomend hopping around 3 days after the operation.

AllGoodNamesGone · 23/07/2011 13:39

Of course he does need looking after until his doctor says it's OK for him to start doing more for himself.

If it was me, damn right I would have DH looking after me, as I would if it was him - much as it would drive me up the wall!

I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to be very far from the sofa for a while, nor would be I be too thrilled at being given tasks to do while I was there. Being imobile and in a lot of pain would probably make me quite ratty so I would probably be best if supplied with drinks, food, dvd, books, computer etc etc and left well alone as much as possible! I would not want many visitors at first either, but that's me - others may enjoy some company.

If it was my DH, one thing I would do is make sure he had the phone in reach as we would have loads of people ringing to ask how he was and I would get fed up of answering the thing every five minutes so I would leave that bit to him and he could unplug it when he had enough or wanted a snooze.

I hate cooking with a vengeance and my DH normally does half of the main meals so I would have to work out how to make that a bit easier on myself - you might not mind cooking as much as I do!

As his parents appear to be up for helping out a bit, I'd be inclined to ask them if they could come and hang out with him some days while you take the toddler out or take off on your own for a few hours.

Brother with Playstation - brilliant!

AnyFucker - I expect the hospital needed his bed and booted him out as he had family who could care for him.

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 23/07/2011 13:40

I had to move in with my parents for 2 weeks after I broke my arm (i had an external fixator)

it's not just the immobility, it's the bloody pain and discomfort.

I can imagine it's partly boredom and discomfort on your DH's part.

Plus the fact that he's feeling sorry for himself so he's moaning.

There is no reason that he should be forcing you to run after him, though, if you've left him everything he needs by his side.
You've given him food and drink and entertainment.
the only thing he needs is to go to the toilet, and that can be his exercise.

I don't feel as strongly as AF about it, but I kind of agree with her point.

Give him the stuff he needs then ignore him

MindtheGappp · 23/07/2011 13:40

It's a gradual process of DH getting more mobility and independence. The DW's roll is to be as supportive as possible - focused on the goal but to be kind and caring too.

joric · 23/07/2011 13:43

Ok, you've given him the tv remote, milk bottle for wee, laptop, tissues (?!)...so he's set up for the day! I'm a kind person so I'd give him a bag of crisps too.... but then, I would then go out out out ....and come home at tea time! :)

ifancyashandy · 23/07/2011 13:45

I found I needed quite a bit of support. I found any steps - even tiny ledges - terrifying and was very very scared of falling over on crutches.

Clearly not as tough as AnyFucker .

Flasks of tea meant I didn't have to constantly ask or wait for people to make me one. Bottle of water can be carried in the mouth or bum bag.

Presume he's not allowed to get it wet? Makes bathing / showering tricky! We put a chair by the sink so I could strip wash. And buy a cheap plastic shower attachment so he can lean over the sink to wash his hair.

There's a website called mybrokenleg.com for more tips and support (for hi

you've got us!!!)

Will add if any other tips come back to me

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 23/07/2011 13:46

AllGoodNames - good point about that - because I lived on my own, I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks, including 9 days after my operation.
I was allowed home after that, but my mum made me stay with them for another fortnight.
then I moved back home, and it was bloody annoying.

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 23/07/2011 13:49

it would kill DH to have a broken leg - especially with extras like that.
Not only is his job dependent on his legs (he's a postie), so is his hobby (he's an organist) - with a broken leg, he would get very depressed.
He could play the piano, yes, but he hates that. He much prefers the organ.
and he likes to be mobile too.
his mental state would suffer terribly.

ChocolateTeacup · 23/07/2011 13:51

I would say, having had a very similar injury, give him a week of care, then he can be forcefully encouraged to sort some stuff out himself, during that week he will be expected to take himself to the toilet though. give him a backpack - I used one to move stuff around, he can then use a flask to make himself tea and coffee when you are busy.

Be firm and don't let him take you for a ride, I had to do it all on my own and I managed, just keep as much as possible by him and don't be a skivvy, maybe make him a bed on the sofa if you have stairs

And yes, I do agree with AF

ScrambledSmegs · 23/07/2011 13:54

I bought a waterproof cover for showering when I broke my wrist. Was ossum.

Here.

MsFC · 23/07/2011 14:00

When MrFC broke his ankle the best thing we bought was a flask so that he didn't have to keep asking me for teas and coffees. And a sandwich box that fits in a shoulder bag so that if I went out he could carry his lunch though.

Oh and I told him that under no circumstances would I tolerate 'crutch pointing'!

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 23/07/2011 14:01

I have had this. It is bad. I was on crutches for 16 weeks. The first week was in hospital, the second week in bed, I could just get to the loo and back, 3rd week I would go downstairs for a couple of hours in the evening, by the 4th week I could just get up and down the stairs on my bum, very slowly.

I remember about 5weeks after the accident dh had to be out in the evening from work, I could make my dinner, but couldn't get it out of the kitchen. I had to eat sat on the kitchen step.

Op, I would recommend lots of books, dvds, a flask of tea/ bottle of water and a packed lunch. I know it is a lot of extra work, but if he slips it will be agony and put him back weeks.

Good luck :o

purplepidjin · 23/07/2011 14:01

For him, lots of useful tasks that can be done sitting down. Do you have loads of photos, drawings, memorabilia of your dd's llife so far? Get him to organise them into a memory book/box for when she's older. Get loads of pics of stuff you've done together - holidays, nights out, special occasions - printed off, he can put them in albums ready to show your dd when she's older and curious. Household bills - how much money can he save you by switching suppliers?

For you, as someone else said organise a visiting list. Contact his mates from work, and suggest they pop round after work one day. Ditto family, especially any that don't work (or do shifts) and could visit while you get out to the shops. Or, give him a list of stuff you need and get him to see which online delivery service is cheapest/most efficient. Make sure you and dd can still get out and about, but also stock up on library books, jigsaw books and arty stuff that they can do together.

Finally, it might seem like a "girlie" thing but there's no reason he couldn't knit or crochet. Local SCBUs always need hats and blankets, maybe he could put his enforced rest to good use for charity?

CroissantNeuf · 23/07/2011 14:11

Years ago (pre-DC) I had major surgery on my knee that included screws being put in, being non-weight-bearing and had to wear a leg brace for 6 weeks after to limit the movement of the knee joint.

I was on crutches from day one in hospital as the physios were very quick to get people mobilised (even the hip-replacement old ladies that I shared a ward with). Heavy duty pain killers and anti-inflammatory drugs were obviously provided !

At home I just had to get on with it when DP was at work. Yes, a lot of things are a PITA but you just have to adapt, as will your DH.
eg. day 1 at home I made a cup of tea but had to stand in the kitchen to drink it as I couldn't carry it anywhere so that evening I got DP to put a dining chair in the kitchen so I could least sit down and drink future cuppas, eat my lunch etc.

I used to go up and down stairs on my backside and wear a cross-body bag with things like my book, the phone etc in if I was going from room to room.

It was boring as hell but I just watched lots of TV , read trashy magazines and encouraged friends to visit (the drugs meant I couldn't concentrate on books for any length of time)

Do you know why he hasn't been given crutches as getting around would be much easier with them?

CroissantNeuf · 23/07/2011 14:13

MrsFC I had to at " Oh and I told him that under no circumstances would I tolerate 'crutch pointing'!" as I used to do that and it would really wind DP up

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