Aibu to just be content and not feel 'the pressure'?

[happy2bhomely]

This has been triggered by reading another thread (sorry) There is talk of people being paddlers or floaters.

When I was asked in primary school "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered "A nurse or maybe a housewife" I got told off for this and had to change my answer to "Doctor".

I'm now 28, and I'm not ambitious. I'm educated well enough to get by. I am not driven by money and my Husband earns enough for us to live what I call comfortably. We have everything we need and lots of treats, but we are what some people describe as poor. I am a wife and a SAHM to 4 children. I am very content with my choices. I work hard at looking after our (very modest) home and trying to give our children my idea of a happy childhood. I enjoy baking, painting, sewing and reading. I like living a 'slow life'. I plan to volunteer when the kids are all at school, and work part time.

I live my life always asking myself "How do you want to be remembered?" I want to be remembered as a loving wife and Mother, a good sister and a loyal friend. That's it.

I appreciate that some people share my ideas, others have completely opposite ideas and most are somewhere in between. I think everyone should be free to live life their way without being made to feel guilty. If a career makes you happy-good for you. If you like earning your own money, that's great. If you don't want to get married or have kids, then I respect your choices.

My family and in laws think I am 'sad' for not wanting more out of life. I've wasted my life according to them. They say things like "Let's hope your girls have more ambition and live a little before settling down. After all, everyone wants their kids to 'do well' ". I want my children to live how they like. They can be a banker or a teacher or a dancer or a bloody travelling musician....They can be rich or poor, gay or straight, driven or relaxed, have no babies or 10 babies.....I really don't mind as long they are happy and make their own minds up. I only hope that they are not alcoholics, drug users or gamblers, and that they are not violent. Should I hope for more?

Am I being unreasonable to just be happy in my own little world? Not to succumb to the pressure to have a beautiful home, to achieve academically or to be rich and successful? Am I being unreasonable to expect people to accept that I have everything I could possibly want and I'm not striving for anything? Am I a bad Mother for not having higher hopes for our children?

What would you have done if you hadn't got married? As in, if you'd never met the right person?

I met my husband when I was 16, so it's hard to answer that. I was studying at the time with the aim to apply to do Midwifery. It is a career that I would not find compatible with raising a family. I know plenty of people do, but for me it is not realistic. If I'd never met the right person then I can only imagine that I would have been a midwife and would be very broody and quite lonely. He is my other half. I know some people will cringe at me saying that, but it's how I feel. If there was a way to split myself in two then I would be a Mum and a Midwife, but I can',t so I'd choose 'Mum' every time.

Then you're absurdly lucky. You don't know how lucky you are.

I want a family so, so badly, but I haven't met anyone yet I can do that with.

So I work my ass off instead. And I have to constantly think of ways to keep myself occupied and set myself goals and challenges so I feel like I'm achieving something.

When really I just want to have children and a husband who loves me.

I envy you. I hope when I die I come back and have a life like yours. Would love to know what that kind of love and stability is like.

I feel the same as you OP. I am very content and never feel pressure to buy latest cars etc. I actually feel liberated by 'opting out'. I am much happier since I went with my gut and left f/t work. I am studying a degree alongside being a SAHM and maybe will work again sometime. I think it is a good feeeling to have. My kids have plenty of role models in the family of working mothers and women who don't chose to have kids. I have been in all roles which helps and I never slate other mothers for their choices. They see me as just as 'in charge' of the household as DH as it is often me here doing everything, making arrangements etc and being around all the time (when not studying/college).

'My DH doesn't see it as me being dependant on him. We depend on each other. Between us, our children need looking after and our bills need to be paid. He earns the money, I sort the childcare. Simple.' We are the same Happy2bhomely DH couldn't do his job without me here. In my old job we would both have to work Xmas day and the DC birthdays. Not what i want for our family. It is easier when your partner does regular hours but if you DH works away/changing shifts it is sometimes impossible to work anyway.

It's not unreasonable to live your life any way you want to, as long as others don't have to make undue sacrifices to enable it and it sounds as though this is the case for you and your husband.

I think that's it's a strange thread, though.. because it seems as though you are simply saying "hey, look how well my life works for me, is it unreasonable to think my life works for me?". Surely only you know if your life works for you?

You sound lovely and your life sounds lovely!

Although, it is a bit sad these days women need to feel the need to justify why 'just' a famlily and a home is more than enough for them.

working9while5- sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I was asking if it's unreasonable to expect people to believe me when I say I am happy. I understand why someone might want a career, or might want to work or study, so I kind of expect other people in my life to understand my choices too. Maybe I shouldn't care what they think, but I do sometimes.

madonnawhore-I do know how lucky I am and I don't wish to make anyone envious. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Cocoflower- I agree that it is sad that I feel the need to justify my choices. I sometimes feel like I'm letting the side down! I catch myself in the middle of baking or cleaning and stopping to 'fix my hair' (Remove hair band and wipe crusted snot off my jeans!) before DH comes home and almost laugh as I offer him a drink because it's so 1950's! The crucial point being though, that I have a choice, and thank other women before me for that.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your views and hope you all get to live your dream, whatever that might be.

YADNBU. Being happy with what you have is one of the greatest skills in life :)

My DH doesn't see it as me being dependant on him. We depend on each other. Between us, our children need looking after and our bills need to be paid. He earns the money, I sort the childcare. Simple.

I agree with your view on depending on each other. I just meant that some people I know would not agree with that view.

My own husband was probably much happier when I was a SAHM for a while, and he could work and carry on with his hobbies and interests pretty much as he liked, without thinking about childcare. But he likes the money I bring in as well. He'd like to have his cake and eat it actually, although wouldn't we all? .

One thing I would say is to remember that nothing stays the same for ever.

At the moment everything is good but things can change in an instant when you least expect it.

Your DH may be made redundant, have a stroke, leave you, die, whatever.
I hope they never do but I have learned never to rely completley on other people.

My neighbour's husband had a heart attack at 32 and she was left behind with 3 small kids.

I hope that never happens to you.

Sorry I don't mean to bring the mood down. I'm just saying try and put yourself in a strong position for the sake of your family if bad things ever happen.

Hi, happytobehomely,
Was really enjoying reading your post and the comments only to realise after 20
minutes it was made in 2011.😀😀
So I thought I'd say hello! I hope your beautiful family is still going stronger. Take care!