to think my friend should offer to replace something her son broke?

[blondieminx]

Not sure what to do! Had antenatal group girls and their toddlers round for lunch yesterday - all very nice until one of the boys broke our catflap (wrenched the door off and it won't click back in as he also managed to break off part of the section that it would click into iyswim). The other mum had earlier told him to stop it. He didn't - and while I was making some drinks I heard her say "stop that... oh you have broken it". She left the door and the bit of plastic by the back door.

I had to pay out nearly twenty quid for the replacement cat flap.

Earlier I had told them all that we were worried as DH hadn't been paid for last month. She is very comfortably off.

I was expecting her say something as she left (she didn't, and another mum came to the hallway as I was saying goodbye to her and I didn't want to embarrass her in front of the other mum), or to text me last night/today to apologise and offer to pay for a replacement... but she hasn't.

How would you approach this? I don't want to cause any offence but at the same time I don't want a precedent to be set that it's ok for her son to damage my home and that I'll pay for the clear-up! I just can't believe that she knew he'd broken something and left without apologising/offering to pay for the replacement!

that I have given good advice for once.

The reason I suggest a text is so that no one is caught out and can save face. She will either ignore and never contact you again but you won't have lost anything, not even a decent friend. She may go ballistic but again, end of friendship. Or she may do the right thing and then you get your money back and hopefully keep a friend.

This is not a friend.......

If you have kids around your house things will get broken.

If you have adults around your house things will get broken.

People accidentally break stuff. Particularly toddlers.

IME this is what usually passes for expected manners:

If it's something small usually an apology should do, with the hostess then fussing saying 'oh don't worry, it's old, these happen happen etc' to make embarrassed guest feel better.

If it's expensive and essential then embarrassed guest would offer to pay, host would again decline with 'don't be silly these things happen' type comments. If guest feeling very bad, they may turn up next day with a replacement and more apologies. Host will say 'you shouldn't have' guts will say 'of course I should I felt v bad' etc etc.

Ii my opinion you can't in anyway graciously demand that guests hand over money for all breakages. It just looks bad.

Unless you put a sign in your hallway that 'All breakages must be paid for.'

A good friend would have apologised, and offered to pay. A REALLY good friend would have found a way to make sure you got the money, even if you said no. I wouldn't text and ask for the money, but neither would I go out of my way to help this friend out again in the near future. THe only thing I would say is, you say she is comfortably off - do you think there is any chance she could be hiding money problems, and have not mentioned it for that reason?

If she hasn't made any effort by now she probbaly isn't going to, sorry.

I would be mortified if my DD did this, and would send dh round to fix it that same day, paying for the new one. Even if I wasn't friends with the catflap owner. Surely it's just common courtesy.
I have a couple of issues with similar stuff with a couple of people in my antenatal group who showed a great lack of manners (god, I sound about 80!). I never really see these 2 ladeez now - just cos you have babies at the same time, doesn't mean you're going to be friends. I considered directness, passive aggressiveness, but then, um, did nothing...

YANBU at all! I'd have apologised unreservedly, gone straight and bought a close replacement, offered DP to fit it, and still have been incredibly embarassed!

Are you sure she hasn't ordered one online to be delivered to you and it's on it's way? I really hope so, but she still should have apologised and said she'd replace it.