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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think all women really do want rescued by men?

79 replies

adhocmusings · 22/07/2011 10:04

I have a friend who is a high-flying business executive, she is uber successful but turns into a quivering pathetic wimp when there?s a prospect of her going out on a date. She is mid 30s and probably feels the pressure but she is taking on such brutes just to have a man and I want to kick her teeth in when she behaves like this. Why can?t successful single women apply their sharp intelligence to their love lives? I know several businesswomen like this. Can anyone empathise?

OP posts:
adamschic · 22/07/2011 11:38

No I don't need a man to feel complete. Being a single woman has some advantages over being tied to a relationship especially if the relationship is lacking.

I have never met women who need a man to feel complete afaik but they probably have one anyway.

msshapelybottom · 22/07/2011 11:41

I think there is a mindset in society which many women fall for, that single women are somehow "lacking". It is often seen as something negative.

I have no desire to be rescued but spent many years in my late teens and 20s believing I needed to be in a relationship. It simply didn't occur to me that I could have a fulfilling life alone.

Now I'm a single parent and managing ok, but sometimes I do feel it would be nice to have someone fighting my corner with me. Not to be rescued, but to add something to my life.

YABU :)

AbsDuCroissant · 22/07/2011 11:44

Nope, but I am willing to let DP say that the scar on his shin is from saving me from a lion, rather than from walking into a bed and it getting infected. Such is love (trying to make your partner look less of a muppet).

AbbyAbsinthe · 22/07/2011 11:52

LOL @ women wanting men to pay the bills once they 'procreate' Hmm

I pay my own bills, thank you very much.

HairyGrotter · 22/07/2011 11:54

I'm single, but I do need a good hard fuck once in a while, suppose that is 'saving'?

scottishmummy · 22/07/2011 11:58

brutes you say?dont get many of them round ma way
but then i fear this wee post is a wind up
v bridget jones neurotic pal.

Laquitar · 22/07/2011 12:01

Is 'your friend' you OP?
Are you trying to explore yourself and to find others who relate?

Its ok. Yes i think there are many women and men who don't feel complete unless they have an 'other half'. I don't know the reasons but i'm sure sociaty plays a big role on this.

scottishmummy · 22/07/2011 12:01

i have own money,ft job,solvent.
dont need a man to rescue me
i have it all sorted
nor did i give it up to have kids. no woman is compelled to be a wee wifie

ITryToBeZenBut · 22/07/2011 12:03

Way too much of a generalisation, imho. I know plenty of independent ladee,z in the words of Beyonce, who are hoping to add love as another dimension in their lives but are happy with their lot if it doesn't happen. I count myself in that description - was lucky to meet wonderful OH who is amazing in many ways but wealthy/in a stable career he is not and I pay my own bills.

I appreciate it must be frustrating watching your friend make bad man choices but doesn't mean she wants to be rescued necessariky - maybe just really seeking love and getting a bit confused.

JanMorrow · 22/07/2011 12:09

Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills, always 50/50 in relationships. The shoes on my feet, I've bought it, the clothes I'm wearing, I bought it..

EldritchCleavage · 22/07/2011 12:12

Why can?t successful single women apply their sharp intelligence to their love lives?

I did. I'm now married.

A lot of people who have been single a long time (men and women) may have recurring attachment or other issues that stop them forming happy healthy relationships. Those are very unlikely to derive from their gender, as opposed to more fundamental issues. So YABU, and superficial, if I may say so.

Why is it no one ever posts in these terms about all the men out there still single in their 30s and 40s? Is it because generally there is no stigma attached to men being in that position, whereas single women tend to attract precisely this kind of rather patronising sympathy?

Sorry OP, I don't mean to sound snippy but I do feel your post rests on a lot of rather dodgy premises.

AbbyAbsinthe · 22/07/2011 12:13

There are so many posts on this thread that I want to like Grin

scottishmummy · 22/07/2011 12:13

no one can complete anyone else,thats an onerous expectation
you complete and fulfil yourself and can expand this to include a partner.but your own self needs to be sorted

Laquitar · 22/07/2011 12:14

OP said she doesn't talk about bills fgs!
Her friend has money.

AMumInScotland · 22/07/2011 12:41

OP - if you had started a thread saying "I'm worried my friend thinks she needs a man to be complete. How can I help her?" then I expect you'd have got some useful and interesting replies.

But you decided to say that All women want rescued - so you got lots of replies explaining why you are talking crap.

maighdlin · 22/07/2011 12:48

the only sentence that can begin "all women" is "all women have two x chromosomes". even then that's not always true.

Helenagrace · 22/07/2011 12:50

Would I be unreasonable to ask you to repost this in feminism?

I'm having a lunch break at my desk and it's, well, a bit boring. I think you could really liven it up for me...

TartyDoris · 22/07/2011 12:52

"Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills, always 50/50 in relationships. The shoes on my feet, I've bought it, the clothes I'm wearing, I bought it.."
IIRC didn't destinys child have a song shortly before that one called Bills Bills Bills where they wanted a man to pay their telephone bills, automo-bills etc etc?

HairyGrotter · 22/07/2011 12:53

BUT wasn't that song regarding the 'Trifiling, good for nothing type of brother' thus suggesting he was infact sponging off the girl and she was asking him to pay his way cause she ain't no mug

EldritchCleavage · 22/07/2011 12:54

I thought Bills Bills Bills was about cocklodgers.

Original poster
adhocmusings · 22/07/2011 12:55

Ok, take away the word rescue that has angered so many people. I'm more frustrated/intrigued about why someone so successful behaves somewhat desperately with men. She's my friend and I love her but I don't love the behaviour.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 22/07/2011 12:56

I'd love to be rescued by a man right now.

The lawn needs mowing and the house needs painting for a start.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 22/07/2011 12:58

Is your friend in a Jill Mansell novel or something?

GetOrfMoiLand · 22/07/2011 13:02

lol at automo-bills.

OP you are talking bollocks. It is my idea of hell to be financially dependent on a bloke. Screw that, I earn my own money and spend it as I wish. If he upped and left tomorrow i would be fine as I am financially independent.

There is another thread in active convos where some poor woman's husband is having a go at her because she has the nerve to buy herself some jeans for £15 from Next. And he won't let her buy a supportive swimsuit as they are too expensive.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. If being rescued by a man equals financial dependence, look how it can end up.

MavisGrind · 22/07/2011 13:08

I think there is an interesting debate to be had about why it seems that women still need to be 'attached' but men can still gad about singly with no stigma. It think this is what your friend has fallen foul of but no, I don't think all women want to be 'rescued'.

I am a lone parent and have no desire to meet anyone and I know other LP's in the same position. Your 'friend' is possibly panicking about not having children, which again, raises interesting questions about whether or not women are viewed as 'complete' by society if they are childless.

What's her response when you express your frustration at her position apart from bugger off none of your business