to tell nursery that I don't want dd to sing "grace"

[Faggotsnpeas]

At the moment my dd doesn't have lunch at nursery, but will when she goes back in September for once a week, then twice after xmas. I was not aware that the children sang "grace" prior to having their lunch, until I heard them this lunch time when I picked up dd. It is not a religious nursery, they have children of different cultures, and we are not a religious family. Never had dd christened and wont have our ds christened, who is due oct.
I heard the children singing a line "thank you god for the food we eat". So AIBU in saying to the nursery that I do want dd to have to sing "grace" as she always thanks us for meals she is given, and as we are providing her with the lunch she will be having at the nursery, that should be enough.

Appreciate your views on this matter.

do you celebrate easter and do you celebrate xmas< if yes, then YABU. this is very minor and is more about your being pig headed, she will choose her own path regardless of a mini religious song at nursery

Thank you for all your comments, having read them and discussed the issue with my dh we have decided to leave it and see how dd gets on and answer any questions which she may ask.

So basically you do want her to be Mary then

I would suggest to the nursery that thanking god is inappropriate - something like nojustificationneeded mentioned would be better.

Porca, xmas and easter (with different names) existed long before the religion they are now most commonly associated with, so you're wrong there.

You seem to be doing the sensible option. She will make up her own mind when older anyway.

my DD is 6 and whilst im an athiest, DD believes in god - she learnt about him at school at xmas and easter. we try hard not to talk about it tbh as it can start a wee row between us as DD is quite firmly in the jesus botherer exists camp and is very im right im right more like my mother every day that girl . tho she also believes in the tooth fairy and santa

My kids come across a whole range of information from a wide variety of sources some I agree with, some I don't. I have never felt the need to withdraw them from anything but am happy to sit down and discuss any point of view with them and get them to analyse what they think about X,Y or Z. Hopefully they will grow into people that respect other people's POV but equally take nothing on face value and become mature, critical thinkers.

DH is an atheist, I'm a pagan. DS goes to a non-religious school. So far he's learned about quite a few other religions & 'celebrated' some of the festivals (as much as they can in school). He's been Joseph in the Nativity play. At home we tell him that different people believe different things. That mummy & daddy don't believe in Jesus & God, but it's OK for other people to and he can make up his mind what he wants to believe. We'll answer any questions we can. And any we don't know, DH can probably ask one of his pupils as they come from a wide variety of backgrounds & cultures.

i wouldn't like it if it was my child, but i am a militant atheist (i do not have an 'absence of beliefs' - i believe in Darwinism and agree wholeheartedly with Dawkins).

Also, no Christmas celebrations or presents!
YABVU.
Maybe you should start looking for a school for atheists as you will find that she is exposed to all sorts of references in music etc. And if she is lucky enough to get to Oxbridge, there will be Grace!

I think it's a bit sad. Children singing hymns etc is part of our culture and also rather sweet. Doesn't mean she'll be a believer, to her grace is just a ritual and rather nice, imo.

your making a fuss over nothing

Really, Sharper? Not in my college.

Anywho, OP YANBU. If the nursery were, say, a private Catholic one, it'd be fine for them to require or even just encourage all the children to sing a song about God. But it isn't, from the sounds of it: it's a multicultural place with people of different faiths and none. So they should not be making really wee ones singing a song like that. It's indoctrination, seriously - just look at superjob 's DD.

There is no reason at all the nursery can't change their song to something inoffensive to all the kids - it shouldn't be your DD being excluded, it should be them changing to suit 2011 when not everyone is CofE.

I am, I guess, athiest, I was never christened, my DD was never christened but I send her to the Methodist daycare and they say Grace before meals. I'm happy with that, she can get some religious knowledge that she wont learn at home.

Sorry, but I don't think it's fair for people to advise the OP to suggest ways of doing things differently to the nursery. If the OP is not happy with what happens at the nursery, then she should change nurseries rather than have the nursery changing its practice to suit her.

I think she would agree as she sounds rational and reasonable.

there are enough non 'goddy' ones about you could suggest they change the grace they sing or say...

FWIW ours is.

The silver rain
The shining sun
The fields where scarlet poppies run
And all the ripples of the wheat
Are in the bread that we eat
A blessing on our meal.

Kind of gets the magnitude of the gift of food across without 'banging on about God'

Thru[sic]aglassdarkly - isn't it part of the parent / teacher partnership that there is an exchange of ideas and preferences between parents and their child's nursery?

Parental inclusion is very important in all settings IMO

Why should the nursery change what they've been doing though? If people don't like it, they can go elsewhere where these things aren't an issue or they can withdraw their kids from things that jar with their own ideas.

If my childrens' educational providers don't chime with me (and they don't always on a philosophical level), then I can either hoik my kids out of the establishments or suck it up. I usually suck it up tbh and use our differences as discussion points later, about what different people think and believe etc.

There are a lot of dismissive and piss-taking remarks on this thread about religious faith (as usual from certain posters on MN), that are downright rude and disrespectful. Why can't people make their points without reducing all believers to ridicule and suggesting their ideas are on a par with fairies and santa? It shows astonishing ignorance of thousands of years of scholarship. Dawkins would be so proud of those people who use reductive and weak philosophical straw man arguments to negate those who have a faith. I would never mock someone for being an atheist, so why some feel the need to derride people of faith is beyond me and is more a testimony to their bad manners than anything else.

Wabbit - Yes, but not where one parent wishes to change things that the rest of the parents are ok with. Always, always discuss things I say, but don't expect people to drop everything because you don't like some aspect of it. You can make your views known, but really, unless many others feel the same way, you won't change anything. It's how life is.

OP said the nursery isn't a religious one so their recitation of grace would be equally meaningful without singing about God.

I just think it's fairly strange not to air your cultural preferences and opinions with the providers of care for your child.

I agree with you that faith should be respected, if not out of understanding then out of good manners! But you know what MNers are like... they like a jibe

But this exchange can be a wonderful way of understanding cultures other than your own... I've heard of nurseries asking parents to share simple cultural and religious practices and celebrations with the children and staff, for me it's all about enriching the experience... and has greater meaning than just showing lip service to Ofsted's requirements of 'multiculturalism'

But I digress... this thread's more about NOT believing

I'm amazed at the number of people who think you are being unreasonable. You have the right to bring up your child with your beliefs and not have other people's beliefs imposed on them. If the child chooses to seek out other beliefs later that is their choice as well. I remember vividly not singing in school assembly (the reason I chose to start playing an instrument was so I wouldn't have to sing the songs that made no sense to me!) - admittedly I was a little older and therefore able to make my own decisions but until that point, it was up to my parents to decide what I was exposed to.

Of course if this was a religious school, I'd have no problem with it - you've made your decision to send your child there, but a non-denominational school should be that - not a thinly disguised Christian school.

Tbh they probably haven't even thought about it but maybe you could phrase your comments by pointing out that other denominations could be confused as well. I wonder how many of the posters who think you're being unreasonable, would be happy if their kids came home singing about praising to Allah, Buddah or Saia Baba!

I totally agree that some degree of thanks is a lovely idea but it's not hard to make it non-specific to a particular religion. Some people have said it is a Christian country but I disagree. We have so many people from different cultures and religions who are as British as anyone, and the vast majority of people don't go to church anymore so in what way are we Christian?

If it were me, I wouldn't make a fuss but I wouldn't let it slip by either. I will probably be facing this in a few years myself if my son remains at the school he's at. It is a Christian funded school but, so far at least, is essentially non-denominational as the vast majority of kids are not Christian and they don't push it. When it threatens to become an issue I will have a quiet word that we are non-believers and that we want our son to make his own choices so please respect this by not shoving it down his throat (though I might try and put it a bit nicer!)

Stick to you guns OP - YANBU