To think giving expressed milk in bottles doesn't mean 'breastfeeding and supplement feeding'

[Ems101]

ARGH!!!!!!!

So this is kind of stupid and not that serious but it's really pissed me off!

I went for my 6 week check today at the docs and was sitting in the waiting area feeding my baby boy a bottle of expressed breastmilk. The doc came out to call me in, so saw me with the bottle. When we were going through his red book, she asked how many bottles he had, I said he maybe has one a day to get him used to them (he's going to nursery in September for a few hours so will have to have bottles then) but that I was using EXPRESSED MILK! Anyways, when I got home and looked at the page she filled in I see she's ticked the box 'Breastfeeding and supplement feeding'.

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against formula, I will probs have to use it at some point, but I got really annoyed that she's put I'm using formula. My boy has done so well with his weight gain and I want it to be recogised that it's down to me and my milk! Breastfeeding hasn't been easy for me but I've stuck to it, and now when people look at his records they're gona think he's put on so much weight becuase I give him formula!

I'm seeing them again next week for his jabs so I will make sure it's changed.

Sorry, I just felt the need to vent :o

Did someone mention badges?

OK so perhaps I am a little over sensitive but it is hard to get away from the fact the opposite of achieving is failing, why don't we just talk about BF as something that some Mums don't, rather than in terms of achievement. If I starting talking about how I was so proud that I achieved a vaginal birth, all those having CS would be well within their rights to tell me to do one. I can't actually think of any other aspect of parenting where comparative bragging is deemed acceptable.

THAT was the point I was trying to get across and you said it much less sarcastically than I managed too :)

Can I have badge too. I breastfed my eldest through serious reflux and my second through painful nipples (he actually ate my nipples) and mastitis.

I don't really think you should be entitled to badge if you find it easy though - it has to be a points system where the more pain you suffer and the more you put up with the more entitled you are to brag .

Don't be ridiculous.

If someone says they are proud that they gave birth with no drugs, are proud of their achievement, I'm not going to feel offended because I had an epidural! Giving birth drug free is hard, it is a bloody achievement! Women should be able to feel proud of things they achievement instead of having to be meek and apologetic incase someone is offended.

Feeling bad about mix feeding is your own issue, it has nothing to do with women who managed to EBF.

Exactly, Rita.

I've had an EMCS (5 weeks before due date) and an induced VB (1 week before due date).

This means I haven't had a drug free birth, have had pain relief, haven't had a full term pregnancy, both of mine have been in SCBU, haven't wondered if I was in labour or not...

That's just the way it was for me. If someone else wants to feel a sense of achievement because they had drug free VBs or because they carried to term or because they left hospital within 3 hours (like my SIL) or had one 'plop' out easily on the bedroom floor (again like my SIL!) that's in no way a reflection on me!

Of course it's not supplementary feeding! Maybe she didn't believe you that it was expressed?

I agree Rita, I had every drug going and an epidural and actually am in awe of women who achieve a pain relief free birth. That's an achievement too but it certainly doesn't make me feel I've failed. That would be silly.

Lol at someone's mum saying 'you've made your point now'. Ha ha ha!

The opposite of achievement is failure.
however, the opposite of achieving in BF is not failure to BF (nor by extension that you have FF) the opposite of achieving in BF is your baby starving to death.
If you FF, then it's also an achievement - you have made sure your child doesn't starve to death.

both forms of feeding are equally valid, and both forms are an achivement.

Do you know after years of being so pro-bf'ing I am actually changing my mind about it slightly. The fact that you have breastfed does not make a good parent (even though it might be one part of a criteria).

Giving birth naturally doesn't make you a good parent either, neither does running 10K - still an achievement though.

Of course it doesn't Ali. What I would say though is breast is best in terms of scientific evidence. So my thoughts are all women should give it a try unless there is something that medically prohibits her. If it doesn't work out for one reason or another it doesn't work out - that doesn't mean a failure. That means you've tried to do your best by your baby and in that way you are a 'good parent' as you putnit. So actually despite saying I'm not judgy I actually am a bit judgy about those who don't bother to try. Oh no...I think I'm in activist territory now

• put it

• lacitivst!

Flip me! When I turned the computer off last night there were only 3 replies, I come this morning and there's 55!

I'd like to make it clear I wasn't having a dig at anyone who formula feeds, mix feeds, breastfeeds, or whatever they choose to do when feeding their baby, and didn't intend for this to a BF v FF bashing thread. I was just having (another) rant about doctors and the fact they don't always seem to actually listen, just see what they see and interpret it in their own way. To me breastfeeding has been an achievement as like I said I've found it hard to begin, but then I've also found it an achievement that I've been able to mix it with expressed bottle feeds so that other family members have been able to occassionally feed baby and bond with him in that way. If I ever fully convert to using bottles and using formula, then that will be an achievement too because it will be what's best for us at the time, and I will (hopefully) be able to make it work and work well.

What's best for mum is what's best for baby, that's one good bit of advice i was given by the doc once she'd taken her headphones off so if you have a way, whatever way, of successfully feeding your baby and it's working for you both, then you have definately achieved something :o

I saw the health visitor today when she came around and she noticed the mistake without me even mentioning it. She said it should've been put down as breastfeeding and that when i'm next at the docs I should ask to get it changed, not just to make me happy, but because of stats, but most importantly because if baby should ever get ill and have to go to docs or hospital or wherever and I'm not there (even though I most probably would be), like someone mentioned earlier it might affect how they treat him and what readings or measurements they would expect like blood sugar levels, etc, so even though it seems a really small thing (which tbh I thought it was in hindsight once I'd calmed down), it is important that it's right for those 'just-incase' moments which we hope never happen, but you never know if they might.

Well done to everyone who is a mummy :o we should all be very proud.

both forms of feeding are equally valid, and both forms are an achivement

I totally agree, but why is that a certain side of the camp feels the need to bang on about it quite so much?

That's a general question not directed at the OP.

Just to clarify SOME people feel the need to bang on about it.

Actually I think I'm talking about competitive parenting in general - I'd hate to be a new mum now, it wasn't anything like it is 10 years ago, thank goodness!

Agree with you Vallium. The competitiveness of some is really excruciating. We all either breastfed or fomula-fed our children and I'd say a good proportion are more interested in doing the best they can for their families rather than benchmarking themselves pointlessly against what they think everyone else is doing.

Yes, if you think it's an achievement, give yourself a big pat on the back, some of us are a little less self-congratulatory. I'm really starting to wonder at some women and their obsession with bragging. Breastfeeding stops at some point with a greater emphasis on parenting from then on. Do some people really not achieve anything else worthwhile in their lives than feeding their babies?

I really think that wanting the amendment is nothing to do with the 'stats'; it shows anyway that the stats aren't that accurate as many women wouldn't be bothered to correct them.

Badges

Breastfeeding Achievement Award Ribbons - LMAO at these!

But Ems wasn't bragging. She is six weeks postpartum and she has just been through the really hard bit of breastfeeding and she just wants that acknowledged on her child's medical records. Nor is anyone on here in competition. Some posters have mentioned that they EBF but most haven't.

I think anyone who is still typing sentences in English six weeks after having a baby deserves a badge. It is a time in our lives when we need a lot of validation, because raising a baby is hard and in the early days many of us have very little confidence in what we are doing. This is not about competition. Ems didn't say she has achieved more than a formula feeding mum. The metric she is measuring her achievements against is not other mothers. It is her own experience. She knows it has been tough (I'm guessing tougher than anything else she has ever done before right?) and she wants people to recognise that.

I climbed all the Welsh mountains over 3000ft high in under 24 hrs 3 years ago. That was the second toughest thing I have ever done (the toughest being raising a new born). What made it feel like an achievement was not knowing that other people couldn't do it but knowing that I found it really fucking hard and still succeeded.

Now some people never want to climb mountains and want to take on other challenges instead and that is fine. And some people have a bash at climbing mountains but for many many reasons find it harder going than I did, or simply not right for them, so they stop doing it. Other people climb much bigger and scarier mountains than me and I have the utmost respect for them. None of this means that my ability to climb all those mountains wasn't an achievement.

If you do something that takes a lot of effort, it is an achievement. That doesn't judge anyone who doesn't.

I admire those who complete the Tour de France. I don't think that means I am looking down my nose at those who don't cycle because of this.

clueless - my ds is 6 months old and i'm expressing in the middle of the night as he now sleeps through til morning (has done since 14 wks) and i'm still getting awfully rock-hard boobs. I'm freezing it or fridging for use on breakfast next morning so i don't know anything about demand diminishing if not used!

Just to set a cat amongst the pigeons...

DS, my first DC, is now 6w. Despite a traumatic failed induction, fetal distress-episode & resulting EMCS, we managed to establish BFing despite some initial latching / sore nipple problems (I think he just needed to grow a bigger mouth) & a blocked milk duct.

He is still Exclusively-BF, he only lost 120g & last Wednesday, at 5w old he weighed 8lb 8.5oz (up from his 5lb 8oz birth weight). I am proud, to me it is an achievement.

I'm not saying FFing is a failure, not by any means, like others have said - as long as you are feeding your baby then fine. But I feel I am being perfectly reasonable to be proud of BFing my Son as it is the best thing for him & is clearly working very well for him. I have also been told that this is a "fantastic achievement" by my HV in terms of his weight .etc.

Can I have my badge now please?

Flaming lips I think and someone will correct me if I'm wrong but the act of expressing creates the demand so you will continue to produce milk in the middle of the night until you stop expressing. DS has a bottle in the evening he was having a breastfeed before bed but now sleeps longer, I have had some issues with rock hard boobs and leaking but these have lessened as my supply gets used to the new regime. DS wakes at 3 fir a feed so the build up is emptied so far (fingers crossed I've avoided mastitis, although as I've had every other BF issue going it can only be a matter of time

Regarding competitive parenting, I do think expectations are sometimes set ridiculously high both at a societal level and individually. I would be inclined to blame the quest for knowledge regarding child development, whilst no doubt we do learn interesting and useful things from this, it creates an environment of thinking which supposes there is a right way and a wrong way when it comes to rearing children, ignoring that the process is an art not a science. This isn't just the case with feeding btw.

An achievement doesn't have to be competitive. The OP achieved something for herself, what other people are doing is irrelevant.

She's not bragging about being the best breastfeeder or the best mother is she? She's proud of her self for doing a difficult thing well, it isn't a comment on anyone else.

Well said ems, if your baby is putting on weight and thriving it doesn't matter how it is fed it is an achievement!