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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think giving expressed milk in bottles doesn't mean 'breastfeeding and supplement feeding'

76 replies

Ems101 · 20/07/2011 18:50

ARGH!!!!!!!

So this is kind of stupid and not that serious but it's really pissed me off!

I went for my 6 week check today at the docs and was sitting in the waiting area feeding my baby boy a bottle of expressed breastmilk. The doc came out to call me in, so saw me with the bottle. When we were going through his red book, she asked how many bottles he had, I said he maybe has one a day to get him used to them (he's going to nursery in September for a few hours so will have to have bottles then) but that I was using EXPRESSED MILK! Anyways, when I got home and looked at the page she filled in I see she's ticked the box 'Breastfeeding and supplement feeding'.

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against formula, I will probs have to use it at some point, but I got really annoyed that she's put I'm using formula. My boy has done so well with his weight gain and I want it to be recogised that it's down to me and my milk! Breastfeeding hasn't been easy for me but I've stuck to it, and now when people look at his records they're gona think he's put on so much weight becuase I give him formula!

I'm seeing them again next week for his jabs so I will make sure it's changed.

Sorry, I just felt the need to vent :o

OP posts:
hairfullofsnakes · 20/07/2011 22:15

Of course breastfeeding is an achievement pyjamababe! Its bloody hard To do and establish so what's wrong with saying its an achievement?! Good god is no-one allowed to say that anymore either?!

usualsuspect · 20/07/2011 22:19

Not another bloody bf v ff thread on aibu

good grief the last one was bad enough

op ,does it matter no one reads the red book any way

hairfullofsnakes · 20/07/2011 22:19

So you should be well

I have the utmost admiration for women who exclusively breastfeed and/or express. It is one of the hardest things I ever did/am still doing (first child fed for 19mths, second child still feeding at nearly two years old) and one of my biggest achievements

hairfullofsnakes · 20/07/2011 22:21

You are welcome to ignore it usualauspect!

VeronicaCake · 20/07/2011 22:23

Congratulations Ems on your awesome baby. I do understand why you are frustrated. But (and this will sound patronising because to be honest it is really patronising) you may be especially sensitive because you are 6 weeks postpartum. At 6m or 1yr this is the kind of thing you may look back on and wonder why it upset you.

That's not to say you are wrong to feel upset, just that this feeling may fade quite quickly.

And Pyjamababe I think establishing breastfeeding is an achievement. So is making up formula milk and bottle feeding a baby. So is having a caesarean. So is having a vaginal birth. All of these things present their own special challenges and when we congratulate someone on getting through the challenging bits this doesn't automatically mean we are denigrating anyone who does things differently.

So congratulations to you on your awesome baby too. He sounds gorgeous.

lovesicecream · 20/07/2011 22:30

They put EBM + formula supplement on mine in the first few days when he was in neonatal and they were having to top him up before. I was able to supply enough bm, after that they put bf + ebm

InTheNightKitchen · 21/07/2011 02:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefurryone · 21/07/2011 03:57

Hating to wade into this argument, but this thread has the potential to make me feel shit about myself so I feel I must. The OP by saying she wants her "achievement" recognised is implying some form of superiority over someone like me who mix feeds, I've also had lots of problems feeding, but I'm not less worthy as a mother because I just don't have it in me to EBF or express.

Perhaps there should be more categories in the book to give a clearer picture of all the ways babies are fed, but to imply that this should be used as a means of recognising achievement isn't going to do anyone any good.

hairfullofsnakes · 21/07/2011 07:03

Oh come on furry you are being way too sensitive! It is an awesome achievement to bf so what is wrong with saying that?! Why make it into something else? Get a grip!

Thandeka · 21/07/2011 07:28

Thefurryone- I'm afraid that is your issue for taking it personally not the OP's. And I mix fed too after a terrible old time of it. Breastfeeding is bloody hard and OP rightly wants that recognised (not least it's important for the stats). I'd be same if I had been able to exclusively BF.

valiumredhead · 21/07/2011 07:35

I'd be well pissed off. Get them to change it. I am SO proud of EBF my DS and so should you only one in 100 women at 6 months apparently!

Good grief - do you want a badge?

hairfullofsnakes · 21/07/2011 09:05

A badge would be good I reckon... I'll have one too!

maxbucket · 21/07/2011 09:12

Me too! Bring on the badges!

clit · 21/07/2011 09:18

I'd like a T-Shirt please!

EBF IS an achievement FFS. It can be really bloody hard as I can testify. No-one here has slated formula in any way.

People will want to talk about the fact that they breastfeed on here. They shouldn't feel guilty/apologise in case FFers are reading. Ridiculous.

cory · 21/07/2011 09:22

Ime doctors are often pretty well clueless about infant feeding, so prolly a genuine mistake. And I've seen some strange statements on medical notes even regarding things that they are supposedly experts in. I'd just ask her nicely to change it.

choceyes · 21/07/2011 09:31

YEs I'd like a badge too!

Seriously, well done Ems. In your shoes I'd have been a bit put out too.
With my DS i exclusively expressed milk for all his feeds till he was 10/11 months. And the HV and GP always ticked the "breastfeeding" category.

I am sucessfully EBF my DD now (Well that and solids as she is 11 months now) and yes I think it is an achievment. I wanted to give her the full immuno benefits of BM and she's never had formula, even though sometimes it would have been easier for me to have a break if DH could have fed her. So yes I think it is an achievment.
I gave formula top ups to my DS at first as he didn't latch on, and I don't feel at all guilty about it, cos I tried my best with him. That's what matters.

valiumredhead · 21/07/2011 09:37

Perhaps I was slightly harsh in my response but as far as I am concerned it was an acheivement to get a bottle (of expressed milk! Wink) down my ds.

It's just feeding your baby - doesn't matter how as long as the baby gets fed.

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 21/07/2011 09:55

Why not give him breastmilk from your breast then? YABU for giving him breastmilk from a bottle in public. Breastfeeding is welcomed in most public places - especially doctor's waiting areas.

choceyes · 21/07/2011 10:04

She wanted to get him used to a bottle in preparation for nursery I think she said.

wellamI1981 · 21/07/2011 10:15

Ha I'd love a badge! I'd wear it. Despite coming through quite a few challenges in my life BF has actually been one of my biggest accomplishments so can totally understand OPs comments. Yes it's been done from the dawn of time but I came through sleep deprivation, PND and I'm still doing it - and now enjoying it. I could have thrown the towel in so many times but am proud I didn't, what wrong with that? In fact I'd love a 'I love breastfeeding' T Shirt. I would never judge anyone else on how they feed their baby though and it's none of my business. But I am proud and think it strange someone would care that I am.

wellamI1981 · 21/07/2011 10:16

Oh and repeated mastitis! I definitely want a badge.

thefurryone · 21/07/2011 10:41

OK so perhaps I am a little over sensitive but it is hard to get away from the fact the opposite of achieving is failing, why don't we just talk about BF as something that some Mums don't, rather than in terms of achievement. If I starting talking about how I was so proud that I achieved a vaginal birth, all those having CS would be well within their rights to tell me to do one. I can't actually think of any other aspect of parenting where comparative bragging is deemed acceptable.

thefurryone · 21/07/2011 10:42

Sorry that is meant to be some mums do & some mums don't

itisnearlysummer · 21/07/2011 10:55

To all those asking if it matters, if it didn't matter to the health service, they wouldn't record it in the first place. If the GP/HV is going to record something then the least they can do is record it accurately. I'd add that it's expressed breast milk if it was me.

FWIW, I don't think that the 'achievement' of BF necessarily does mean that those who don't have 'failed'.

For me, BF wasn't an option, it was just what I did. The achievement side of it came in not being put off by comments from other people, including hospital staff, that suggested it was all a bit of a faff!

My SIL didn't BF, she didn't even try although in hindsight she wishes she had done - she's had 3 and on not one occasion was BFeeding discussed with her.

Another relative intended to BF, found it difficult and then stopped after 3 days. I wouldn't judge her for this decision (didn't stop her from judging me for BF though Hmm). My only feeling on this is that I know she didn't feel that she'd been supported in BF and that she also thinks now that she was encouraged to FF as it was more convenient for the hospital.

So no, whilst I don't consider that those who FF have failed in any way, shape or form, my own experience and that of my relatives suggests that there is a certain achievements in BF - largely because it was presented to me as going against the grain.

Even my mum said, after I'd been BF for a few weeks "Ok, I think you've made your point now." and she BF!

choceyes · 21/07/2011 11:02

Well I think it is an achievment because our culture is to formula feed and although monthers are encourage to breastfeed, not much support is given if she is having problem, or wrong advice is given.
My DS didn't latch on, despite a lot of help from midwives and health visitors, but now I know that even if their intentions were good, they didn't really know HOW to help me. And I hadn't really heard of breastfeeding councellors back then.

AS i said earlier I had to give a few formula top ups to my DS, and I don't consider it a failure on my part. It is a failure on the part of health professionals maybe, but I certainly don't feel guilty about it.