Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told my son the truth

47 replies

chicletteeth · 19/07/2011 12:52

Yesterday, DS1 (6 years) and I are sitting watching an episode of Peppa Pig which tells the story of the tooth fairy. He suddenly pipes up that the tooth fairy isn't really, neither is father christmas or the easter bunny and that there is no point my telling him they are because he knows they're not and he also knows that I am all of the aforementioned characters (I am speechless at this point). He then proceeds to tell me that God isn't real either (fine by me, we're atheists anyway so I've already answered his questions on that one) but that he knows I'm not god Smile

I tried to convince (re the first three, fictitious beings) that they were real but he wasn't having it and said he know that if I try to pretend to him they're real, in a few years I'll admit he was right and say theyr'e not.

He has not been around anyone else (other than his peers at school) so unless it has come from one of his friends, I can't think where else he would get these ideas (other than the fact that he's right and presented me with a well reasoned argument to disprove the existence of father christmas at least).

My DH had a chat with him too, but the bottom line is, he doesn't believe and I won't lie to him and tell him they're real.

Was IBU to have done this? My mum thinks so and whilst I know 6 is young, what can I do if he's figured it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
chicletteeth · 19/07/2011 12:54

were sitting

isn't real

tried to convince him

I really should proofread

Sorry

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 19/07/2011 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunshineandbooks · 19/07/2011 12:57

Well 6 is younger than average, but if he's already decided (and isn't just 'testing' you IYSWIM) I can't see the point in perpetuating the myths any longer.

Just try to think of it as proof of his intelligence and critical reasoning. Smile

Might be worth a quick chat with him about not spoiling things for any of his peers/younger children though.

worraliberty · 19/07/2011 12:59

Stranded I'm sure you'll 'get the glory' eventually when your DD finds out the truth.

Life is serious enough without a bit of fun and fiction

Original poster
chicletteeth · 19/07/2011 13:03

Yes, I already made him promise not to tell DS2 and DS3 and he knows he's still getting his money, easter eggs and stocking so he seems unaffected.

I'm not sad that he's figured it out, but my mum thinks it's awful I didn''t try to keep it alive for longer?

WTF?

I've never done the easter bunny (the eggs come from the people who give them) and father christmas only brings stockings in this house anyway.

OP posts:
Tanif · 19/07/2011 13:03

DC1 is currently a 14 week foetus and already I'm planning on using the same Santa lie my parents did (no, we're not going shopping to buy you presents, Santa picks us up on his sleigh and takes us to the North Pole where we tell him what you want and can also use the opportunity to purchase gift wrap and tags - that's why presents from mummy and daddy have the same wrapping paper as presents from Santa!).

CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/07/2011 13:03

I always like my SIL's answer to that one. It went roughly 'I believe in Santa. If you don't want to believe, that's entirely your choice,but don't be suprised if you don't get any more Christmas presents....' Her kids are now approaching 30 and they all believe :)

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/07/2011 13:04

My son was told Santa wasn't real by a boy in his class, who had been told by his much older brother who thought it was 'fun' to see his little brother's face as he told him. So yes, he probably got it from his peers.

Are you going to ask him not to spoil the story for others, and let them believe? Make it out to be like telling someone the end of the story when they're only half-way through reading the book?

AMumInScotland · 19/07/2011 13:04

YANBU - I think as soon as children realise these things, parents should own up. To deny it now would be a direct lie (and a pointless one at that). Up to that point, if you want to make-believe then I don't think its lying, but from when they can see the truth there is no benefit in continuing the pretence.

But yes do say he shouldn't spoil the make-believe for other children.

worldgonecrazy · 19/07/2011 13:05

If he had an older sibling they would already have spilled the beans - and probably taken great delight in doing so if they were anything like my big brothers.

cantspel · 19/07/2011 13:07

When my boys twigged on to the fact that santa wasn't real i told them that as long as there was one little boy or one little girl left in the world who believed in him he would be real.

Original poster
chicletteeth · 19/07/2011 13:07

Wouldn't work cognito Santa only brings stocking here, not main presents. So regardless, he'd still get lots.

I've asked him to remember how much fun and how exciting it was to believe and not to take that away from his younger brothers and so he's promised me he won't

Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
chicletteeth · 19/07/2011 13:08

Point being really is that I'm ok with him having worked it out, but I'm aware he's young. I always find it odd that despite a direction question, some parents insist on lying about it, even when they've figured it out or are older.

And we teach our children not to lie...

OP posts:
WizardofOs · 19/07/2011 13:12

I never believed in Father Christmas or the tooth fairy because my older sister would not allow me to! No harm done and it actually makes me feel uncomfortable that my 8 year old still believes.

Onemorning · 19/07/2011 13:19

Smart kid.

MoonGirl1981 · 19/07/2011 13:20

My eight year old (eight yesterday, bless him) came home from school and said that he'd been told that the tooth fairy wasn't real but said he still believed in her.

I didn't want him to look like a numpty so I told him the truth. He CRIED, but seems to have recovered.

My own fault. I got far too carried away with the whole thing and told him about the Tooth Fairy networking policys, how they know where to go and wh'd lost teeth. We used to leave windows open for her. My partner even rushed in from work one day all excited because he'd seen her fly past but she didn't stop because we were awake!

Hmmmmmm.......!

He's not asked about Father Christmas yet. I think this year may be the year he finds out though!

:(

MoonGirl1981 · 19/07/2011 13:23

My friend's husband beleved in Father Christmas until he was FIFTEEN!!

Seiously! I've propper grilled him on the subject. He just said that he was brought up to believe that if your parents told you something it was true!

NotJustKangaskhan · 19/07/2011 13:24

Cognito My mum did that and it wound me up a lot. I don't remember ever believing (when I was 3ish I laid in bed and watched them through the crack in the door as they put presents under the tree as I wanted to prove I was right), but my mum acted in such a way that we had to convince her we did or we wouldn't get presents. It was so incredibly frustrating and she would use those words 'Well, I believe, and if you don't, you shouldn't be surprised if you don't get anything".

When they stop believing, they stop believing, and pushing beyond that is kinda insulting to their intelligence, I think, especially when they show they've thought through it as well as your son has OP. As long as there is a discussion of letting others believe if they want to, I don't see the point of pushing it any farther.

Flowerista · 19/07/2011 13:32

I'm with you Cognito, and for the record Santa bloody DOES exist right!!!

LilBB · 19/07/2011 13:33

If you are atheist is it not a bit hypocritical to convince him to believe in father Christmas, Easter bunny and tooth fairy? Especially since two of them are to celebrate religious festivals. If you are quite happy to tell him God doesn't exist what are the reasons you have given for celebrating Easter and Christmas?

I'm not being sarcastic just genuinely interested.

DeWe · 19/07/2011 13:39

I think that when they say that sort of thing you'd be wrong to try and convince them to believe. Then how are they going to believe things you need them to take your word.
But please try and persuade him not to talk about it to other children. Often they're so excited at knowing it that they tell everyone and then you have lots of sad faces and parents on the war path.

Original poster
chicletteeth · 19/07/2011 13:41

LilBB, sorry, I worded that badly. When I say convinced, what I tried to do was play devils advocate to see if he was testing. Convince was the wrong word.

He believed the way other small children always have and he never asked me directly before now if any of were real. We've always just avoided it.

Don't get me started on the religious festivals either.

Easter and Winterfest (i.e. Christmas to most) were around and celebrated by non-christians long, long, long before they became Christian festivals. Catholic church was smart, hijack the existing holidays/festivals and make them their own.

Do you really think and egg and a tree have anything to do with Christ?

If you look it up, it's very interesting and I am always amazed by my friends (several of whom are catholic) who don't know anything about it.

OP posts:
TrinaLuciusMalfoy · 19/07/2011 13:41

Bravo flowerista! But this 'Easter Bunny'?! Don't be silly, you'll be telling me there are babies who sleep through the night from day one next!

Original poster
chicletteeth · 19/07/2011 13:43

p.s. my keyboard is sticking badly hence appalling typing

p.p.s. I have no problem with people celebrating easter and christmas in the reglious sense. I do have a problem with people saying that if you're not christian, you can't do so.

It's just wrong!

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 19/07/2011 13:52

If he's figured it out there's not a lot you can do to put the genie back in the bottle.

I suggest you tell him that although we may not be able to physically see Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny, they represent the essence of those two seasons and in that sense they are real and a force for good and kindness to children, and for all who believe in them.

God, of course, is a different matter because that's a question of personal belief. Given that we create the world around us by building houses, roads, and making all the things that we use everyday, it can be argued that we are all gods.

As for the Tooth Fairy, doesn't he want some financial reward left under his pillow whenever he loses a tooth? Perhaps Peter Pan can persuade him that fairies may exist (a dvd of Hook may help).

Your ds is to be commended for his logic, but to guard against him turning into a premature curmudgeon I hope you'll encourage him to believe that there is magic in the world around him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread