Should I report this incident to the school or mind my own business?

[happy2bhomely]

Walking home from school last week after picking the kids up we were walking behind a mum and her children. I recognise this mum from the playground but don't know her name or children's names. The children looked about 6/7 and 2/3. If I'm honest, I had already judged her to be not coping very well. She is always late and looks tired and thin. Her children look fine though.

Anyway, mum was pushing empty buggy, little one trailing further behind popping into gardens and generally dragging feet like they do. Older child was trying to hurry him up. Mum then turns round and screams "Get in the fucking buggy now!" She notices me and carries on, "I said get in the fucking buggy! Keep on and see what happens, for fucks sake. I'm going to fucking knock you out!" Little one struggles from her and runs down road screaming. She catches up and holds onto him. He hits her. She says "fucking hit me again and you will get it twice as hard!"

By this time, we were overtaking them. I kind of half smiled as I passed. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to ask if she needed help. I wanted to ask her to stop it. I just walked past. We went into the shop and I could hear her screaming as they passed. My eldest had tears in his eyes and said "mum, can't we just take him home?" I told him kids were hard work sometimes and maybe she was having a bad day. He said that he didn't care, and she was too scary to be a mum.

AIBU if I mention this to the school? I wish I had been brave enough to say something to her. I can't stop thinking about those kids.

And it's not non specific gossip, it's something the OP witnessed

I would phone the school and explain as they might already know that she is struggling and get their parent support/family support worker to have a chat to her? I always think if I am ever in a postition like this that i would feel so guilty if something happened to the children or the mom and I hadn't done anything about it. Talking to the school doesn't necessarily mean it will be passed directly on to s.s but does mean that someone else will be aware and can keep their eye on the sitution.

I agree waiting

Andrewofgg ''MYOB''. At least the OP cares enough to ask for advice as to what she should do. And it's a good job we don't all mind our own businesses, else there would be a lot more child abuse/neglect going on in our communities.

Report it ot the school with a description. The family may already be known to social services/the school.

Can I just say that it is a good idea to speak to the school. I work in a school and it always helps to know about anything that could be causing any kind of distress to a child. The school may not do anything, if it is just the swearing, but it is useful for the staff to know. For example, if the child is misbehaving in class or underachieving, is bullying or withdrawn in the playground etc. the staff would know that perhaps this is because of the home environment and allowances would be made. Also, huge efforts would be made to make the child aware that he/she was in a safe and caring environment. The school may not do anything with regards to the parent but they certainly would do for the child. Hope this helps x

Agree Frenchchic

I'm not having a go at you because I would do the same and wonder if I should contact the school, but I think that's part of the problem in society today.

What if we could just stop, offer some understanding, say something like, 'Oh I know how hard it is with kids, would you like to grab a coffee?'

But we don't do that anymore, we judge, we isolate, we ostracise and some people get left out and can't cope.

Just something for all of us to think about.

Mum might have just been having a bad day - kids playing up etc. The OP wouldn't know what sort of reaction she would get if she approached mum. Contacting the school is the best action to take and then if the family needs help it will be forthcoming from the right agencies.

madhouse, I know what you are saying, but whilst my sympathy is with a stressed mother, but even more so with these children. Realistically, there's little you or I could do to help this situation other than to contact the school, which by the way, is part of society.

Jamie - I think you have missed my point slightly. I realise the school is part of society and I do believe it can be supportive but it is not the same as offering a hand of friendship. And realistically I DO think that if you or I were to offer a friendship there would be LOADS we could do to help.

I have never felt comfortable enough to actually reach out to people in these situations, I do prefer to judge and at best pity them, but I have seen some amazing, very confident, very sure of themselves people who have reached out to someone like this mother and her children and make a difference.

"Get in the fucking buggy now!" She notices me and carries on, "I said get in the fucking buggy! Keep on and see what happens, for fucks sake. I'm going to fucking knock you out!"

Tell the school. She needs help to parent her kids and her kids need to know that other adults will step in and protect them. I have done the same when witnessing a parent say something similar.

good luck

Definitely contact the school, not for the swearing - nasty though that is - but for the threatened violence. That is a parent not coping. If I ever screamed that at DS I honestly would want help because it would show I had lost control. Scary.

speak to the school. Emotional abuse alone can be very damaging and was sufficient for children to be placed on the old child protection register. My worry is that if the mother is willing to carry on behaving in front of you like this when she saw you, what would she behave like at home. We should all have a duty of care to vulnerable children. I would feel awkward speaking to the head, but I would do it

WTF has it to do with the school?
Or you are going to go to social services because a harassed mum swore when addressing her child ?Or because she said she'd knock him out ? Do you take everything everyone says so literally?

It has a lot to do with school spiderpig - they may already be party to information and they usually have a designated Child Protection Officer (well, they do up here).
If this mum is prepared to speak to her child like that, in public and when she knows someone is there then who knows what is happening behind closed doors.

How awful

Another vote for talking to the school from me, she may get the parenting help she and her kids need through SS.

spidderpig - yes - actually I'd take that seriously. You don't talk to children like that - do you?

You could call The NSPCC helpline who could pass the information on to Ss or give you advice on what best to do.

Another vote for a word with the school.

Ask if you can speak to the SENCo at the school, or the special needs co-ordinator, as they are the ones in the system who will be used to dealing with providing help for parents, either through the school or through an agency such as child protection. They are also the ones who will be well aware of any existing problems in that family, or take a note of it for future reference. If there is an existing problem that is known to them they wont tell you about it - but they will be grateful for any input and observations like that as it helps towards providing the right support for the family or protection for the children.

As has been said - MYOB attitude provides the perfect environment for abuse (of the mother too possibly, not just the children) to go unchallenged.

I think you should mention it to school in the sympatheic manner you told us. The black eye rings alarm bells and the swearing to the kids is so awful for them all. She needs help - don't stand by.

I agree it was a cry for help as why else would she repeat the sweeting knowing you could hear? She wants help. Please let us know what happens

Swearing! Not sweeting!

The school will know who she is, don't talk to her I can't imagine she'd take it well. It may be that she's in someone's sites as it is. Abusive language is abuse.