Being FAT is a symptom of emotional problems NOT the cause?

[StrugglingDemonFighter]

I have for years blamed my lack of self esteem/confidence/financial/career success on the fact that I 'let' myself get fat because I am greedy and lazy.

It has recently dawned on me that the reason I am fat is BECAUSE of my lack of self esteem/confidence and until I engage with/battle that I will not get anywhere.

I firmly believe that most if not all people are in the same boat as me. They may blame it on genes/medication whatever but the genetic thing is probably explained by growing up in a household where low self esteem is the norm and the medication thing is down to feeling that that there is something wrong with you BECAUSE you have to take medication. Of course, medication could probably make you put on a small amount of weight due to hormonal/metabolism changes but not to the degree that some very overweight people that put it down to.

Basically you must hate yourself to some degree to put up with feeling like shit/ugly/heavy/sweaty and until you accept it and work on bringing the emotions causing this to the surface, no diet in the world will help you and you will not get anywhere.

So next time, you see a very overweight person and think, 'how could they let themselves get like that' bear that in mind.

All you fellow fatties out there stop hating yourself and work out why you do.

AIBU?

Isn't size 16 the national average?

I don't see size 14/16 as being fat at all.

I'm a size 6 and weigh 6 stone and I am 5' 3'' and deeply unhappy with my weight, I have anorexia (not because I am scared of getting ''fat'') and would absolutely love to enjoy food, My bones stick out, I am tired I have horrible skin and look awful. I envy people who are size 14/16/18 and are healthy and love their food.

It works both ways, Emotional issues with food being either fat or thin

And what spooks said :)

A bit too simplistic there is not one reason

Some are fat because they overeat as comfort to emotional problems
Some are fat because they eat too much crap
Some are fat because they eat too much period
Some are fat because they live a sedentary lifestyle
And a small number are fat because of biological problems

I don't really see what a national average has to do with being fat though.

It wouldn't be right for people to compare themselves and think it's ok as long as they fit in with the latest statistics if they happen to be ruining their health.

I think you are actually being quite insulting, thinking you know what's going on in peoples heads and they are suffering emotional problems even when they tell you they are not.

I could easily say to you that you are just making excuses for the fact that you are fat and are in denial yourself.

BTW I am fat because I eat too much and I eat too much because it's all so bloody delicious. No emotional problems here, although I expect you to come back on and insist I am filled with self loathing.

I'm a size 16 and I bloody love myself truth be told. I'm ace.
I also really like cheese which is why I'm a podge.

If OP eats as a coping mechanism from feeling crap about herself then that's down to her. Don't tar all us fatties with the same brush.

OP I think you are following the women's magazine approach to life's problems. That there's just one single answer to everything.
Eg. Fat = emotional problems
Wrinkles = get wrinkle cream
relationship problems= have 'date nights' with your DH
etc etc.

Some people might be fat because of emotional problems and then stay fat because being fat causes emotional problems too. In fact there are loads and loads of reasons why people are fat and they are rarely single reasons, more like a complicated web of causes.

You could have counselling from now until you die but it won't make you thin in itself. Stop trying to find a simple single cause.

FFS can you not read. I stated that IMO size 16 is overweight probably due to greediness and laziness and is not FAT. The fat I am talking about is in the region of size 20+..

hummmmmm but dress size isnt a good way to go on gauging if some one is "fat" op because. i am a size 18 sometimes i border on a 20 at my heaviest and then i border on a 16 on my lightest. now at my heaviest i weighed 17 stone 10. now i can guarantee you there are people on here that would have been size 18/20 but weighted significantly less than this.

Terribly sorry OP, I didn't see the bit where you decided what was fat and what wasn't. IMO if you've got a great big wobbly tummy [looks down and nods] and a big fat arse [would look round if could] then you are fat. It's fine. It's not a swear word. If you are talking much bigger than that then we're no longer in the realms of fat, we are in the realms of obesity.

If you're so fat you can't get your knees together, you're too fat.
If you're so thin you always feel cold, you're too thin.
Anything else is bollocks.

Hmmm. Can see both sides. Was a size 18 (5'8) and 13.5 stone. Was definitely beginig to feel unhealthy. And clothes were getting tighter so I knew it was only going to get worse (IMO).

I ate not crap food but not healthy food. So it would be Wholemeal Pasta with tomato and, say, panchetta, topped with a lot'of cheese.'with garlic bread. And wine. And I know I was definitely rewarding myself with food. I worked bonkers hours, lived alone, I deserved it. But I also realised I was pushing down emotion with food. I was unhappy.

So, in a moment of clarity, I took myself to WW, got weighed for the first time in years and started to change my diet. And took up exercise (and discovered I love it!) and lost 4 stone (took about 2.5 years in total I guess).

I feel much much healthier now, adore clothes shopping and feel generally better about myself - not because I look 'better' but because I feel emotionally stronger.

But none of this means others are overweight for the same reasons, nor should they care - if they feel happy, good for them! Also, a cautionary tale - did you see the guy on Embarrassing Fat Bodies who had that massive 'apron' of fat? THe drugs needed for a medical condition caused it. Not his emotional state.

So, in a very long winded manner, I conclude YABU to assume every 'fat' person is the same.

I used to be overweight (4 stone overweight - now a size 10/12 though) not because I hated myself, but admittedly it was because I didn't prioritise myself sufficiently. I tended to put other things first - children, husband, pets, other obligations rather than valuing my health and fitness. It does take time to plan and manage a balanced diet and regular exercise, and I wasn't putting the time in......I wasn't miserable when fat, but I am more content now I don't have to tolerate society's censure...

I do think there is an emotional aspect to overweight - fat people are often emotional eaters. They see food as a treat and thus reward themselves with 'treat' food when celebrating or when they need cheering up. I have managed to break the cycle of eating to manage my emotions and now only eat when I'm hungry!

A minority of people are fat due to medical conditions, genetics or steroid use although that is pertinent for the very few

fat people are often emotional eaters True. But then, skinny people are often emotional starvers and fit people are often emotional avoiders. Alcoholics are usually emotional boozers - it goes on.

Having been/done all of the above, there's only the smoking left to fix . I'm leaving it until I'm emotionally sorted!

I am overweight because I eat too much of the wrong types of food & can't be arsed to exercise enough. It goes no deeper for me personally but I can understand how it does for others.

fit people are often emotional avoiders exercisers, should have been. I guess they're all avoiders!

It's a circular argument... emotional problems leads to overeating leads to excess weight leads to emotional problems. The trouble with the 'the emotional problems are why I overeat' route is when it becomes a side-track or, worse, an excuse to do nothing. Changing someone's base psychology is a far longer and harder slog than changing food/exercise choices so if too much emphasis is placed on the psychology, the danger is nothing gets done practically.

By all means, work on improving areas of your personality or mental health that you think need help. But at the same time eat better, eat less and move more. Best of both worlds.

I used to deny I was unhappy when fat - and strictly speaking I wasn't unhappy (was broadly content most of the time), but I definitely did avoid certain things: swimming / social events (always felts a frump in whatever I wore) / was more introverted and was less likely to be chatty with strangers (as I feared their disapprobation). Does that not apply to the basically happy overweight people on this thread - in all honestly, does it not affect your life in any way?

But, CES, why should I strive to be a size 14 in the middle of the bell curve? I'm okay like this :)

hmc - yes, it affects my life in that I no longer have the pick of all the clothes in any shop.

Not a serious problem in the scheme of things.

And I can't wear hold-ups any more.

Ok, good for you garlicbutter, genuinely.... - but what about other overweight people on this thread? The same for you?

garlicbutter - do you not think that people are less favourably disposed towards you when fat, do you not discern any prejudice from others? Or do you come across that but it doesn't bother you?

Great question, hmc :)
Yes, I discern contempt and/or prejudice from people whose valuation of a person's worth is based chiefly on body shape and size. I used to be one of those people. I'm very glad I'm not like that now, and I do my best to avoid people who are; it's shallow & unpleasant, not to mention stupid.

It's quite a useful filter, now I think about it ...

Well I agree with you Garlicbutter - I think it is awful that people judge on physical appearance, but an awful lot of people seem too, either consciously or sub consciously