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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another Party Issue!

66 replies

kevlarbrassiere · 18/07/2011 20:27

My soon to be 7 ds is having a small birthday at home.

Our house is tiny, so he can only have 4 friends, and we wouldn't be able to accommodate parents (living room only 12ft by 12ft). All his friends have had numerous playdates here, so dropping and leaving won't be an issue, for all but one child's(who has been here loads of time) parents.

Last year, same set up with the party at the house (invitations explained that it was a drop and leave). One child's parents insisted on staying, along with their 2 toddler twins and small baby. I just embarrassedly said "ooh, did ye not read the invite, we are a bit squashed for space". Dad said that they didn't want to leave him alone. Dh said, "that's ok then, why doesn't the missus stay and ye can come back". Both of them just shrugged that off and made themselves comfy.

Their toddlers had a hard time, no space for them to play, the then party goer 6 year olds ran about, having fun, but upsetting the baby, they told everyone off, and finally, the toddlers wrecked havoc on the food. I am not exaggerating - they just flung food out of bowls, etc (lots of this just toddler behaviour, I know), and the parents busied themselves with the sky remote control (asking the children to get out of their way, etc).

The party wasn't alot of fun for those attending, and I swore never again at that time! And now its upon us again.

We have talked about it at length, and I think it would be awful not to invite that boy (other parents have started to do this, as ours was not the only episode, but probably the smallest house!!!).

AIBU if I stand outside the door and refuse to let him in if his parents insist on coming in again? My dh would be inside entertaining (hah!) the others, so they wouldn't be aware/unsupervised. As this family come late to everything, it would be possible to do this.

I really don't know what else to do.

OP posts:

everlong · 18/07/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

kevlarbrassiere · 18/07/2011 20:32

They are cheeky.

But its a tricky situation to be in.

If I thought they were uncomfortable with my supervision/house/whatever, then I could kind of understand. But the boy has been here loads over the past two years.

OP posts:

BeerTricksPotter · 18/07/2011 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 18/07/2011 20:33

Have you already sent out invite?
If not, I'd now Approach the parents and explain that you'd like to invite him but you absolutely can't have any extras due to space concerns (the boys are bigger this year, right?). They may be fine about it. But if not, then he can't be invited, and that's that.

Refusing entry at the door could cause a huge scene, if they are that obtuse!

Original poster

kevlarbrassiere · 18/07/2011 20:33

Yes. They have always ignored parents wishes.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 18/07/2011 20:33

might be worth trying to talk to one of them at school beforehand?

just say that last year didn't go too well and you really cannot extend the invite to siblings this year but you would love if X could come. stress if he can't come alone then you won't be able to invite him

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 18/07/2011 20:38

Is there someone who could pick the child up to avoid the kids and parents coming in?

create · 18/07/2011 20:42

I agree, I think you need to talk to them before the invitation goes out and get their agreemnet that he will come alone now, not on the doorstep in the day.

At 7 why don't they want to leave him? Do they all come to playdates? -

DogsBestFriend · 18/07/2011 20:46

How rude!

My view is the same as that held about the other party thread - I'd be damned if I'd invite the child. In this case I feel sorry for him but I would be unwilling to allow the parents to pee everyone off, tell my invited guests off for getting in the way of their Sky viewing or risk ruining my DCs party (or my home!).

I'd also be unable to stop myself from launching into an explanation of why I found them unbearable so would be wise just not to put myself in that position in the first place. All credit to you and your DH for being far more gracious than I could be.

I appreciate that on this issue as on the other thread my view's going to be a minority one and that others couldn't possibly do as I would.

TelephoneTree · 18/07/2011 21:21

I too think have the chat in advance and I too would explain why based on last year's experience. The fact that others have had an issue with this family too would spur me on as doing to greater good - wouldn't be able to help myself .

Seriously - if you can bear it, you'll be doing the boy a favour as he may get invited to more parties as a result.

pingu2209 · 18/07/2011 22:05

Party season it upon us!

I would put a note on all 4 of the invites "ds would really love your child to come to his birthday party, but as you know our house is very small and we have to have a strictly no siblings rule and would prefer a drop and leave by the parents too. If your child wants someone to stay, may only one adult stay with him".

If you write this on every invite all is fair and even.

Jude89 · 18/07/2011 22:17

Pick all your party-goers up from school, then they can't come!

Original poster

kevlarbrassiere · 27/07/2011 21:28

Thought I'd update ye on our party dilemma.

There was I, all ready outside our door (plenty of answers to their insistence on coming in, etc.).

Unsurprisingly, they arrived en masse (toddler twins, baby, dad and mum), just as another mum was dropping off her boy. Other mum says to them ' I'm off to the park to let my dd run about for a couple of hours, care to come with us, it's a lovely day and I've plenty of drinks and snacks'?

It was so nice of this other mum, I was thrilled that she was making such an effort to find a solution.

However, dad and mum say that they'll be at the party, so will have to take a raincheck!! Other mum has to go as her dd having heard of the park/picnic is kicking up to go.

I calmly say to them, that as I had stated on the invites, it was a drop and go. Their boy is, at this stage, looking miserable (I'm feeling so bad for him, it was awful), he's looking pleadingly into their faces, and they are resolute that they are coming in!

At this stage, dh opens the door about a foot, boy scarpers in, and dh closes the door behind him. It was unreal. I'm wondering if I am going to have to spend the two hours in front of the house, as they are showing no signs of going, the toddlers are getting frantic, etc.

The dad says 'Well, I've parked the car now, and gone to the trouble of letting the twins out of their carseats, seems alot of bother to go to, really'. I say 'sorry, but it did say on the invite that it would be a 'drop and go', and the park is just around the corner'.

Mum says that that won't do, and that it is very unfair on the twins. The said twins made an escape down to the fence with both parents chasing, I said 'see ye in a while then' and ran went into the house.

It was truly horrible. For me and them (the party boys were having great fun).

When I peeked outside, I saw that they had moved their car to our drive, and all (mum, dad, baby, twins) were in the car. For nearly two hours. Dh was having to be restrained from going out there and telling them to fuck off immediately.

Can't believe their behaviour.

Thanks for all the earlier advice.

OP posts:

charleneanne · 27/07/2011 21:31

this has already been on

noteventhebestdrummer · 27/07/2011 21:33

You did really well and they are...erm....learning some better social skills. Maybe?

Glad your DS had the party he wanted!

TastesLikePanda · 27/07/2011 21:33

I am utterly gobsmacked by that...

Did they really really just sit on your drive in their car for TWO hours? Instead of going to the park?

What are you going to do next year?

TartyMcFarty · 27/07/2011 21:35

So they just sat there. Even though the park was round the corner? What.was the weather doing?

StealthPolarBear · 27/07/2011 21:35

Original poster

kevlarbrassiere · 27/07/2011 21:36

Yes they really sat in the car, for the entire duration of the party.

It was awful to look at, and it must have been horrible for the children in the car on such a lovely day too.

Don't ever want to have another party, ever.

OP posts:

Sandalwood · 27/07/2011 21:38

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/07/2011 21:40

Well done, OP. At least you managed to keep them out. How rude they are though. You'll have to develop a thick skin and just treat them as the obnoxious parents they are by sticking to your guns and not moving an inch.

Original poster

kevlarbrassiere · 27/07/2011 21:44

If we had the space, or the energy to deal with them, then I certainly wouldn't mind them coming along.

Its been a rather odd party time for ds's classmates, as they've come together to every party.

The party before ours, was at a softplay centre. These cheeky people just said that they were with 'x's' party and that added five extra people to be paid for by the hosts.

I'm very annoyed at their behaviour, and sad for their children.

OP posts:

dutchyoriginal · 27/07/2011 21:57

at these parents! You really did the right thing!

myBOYSareBONKERS · 27/07/2011 22:34

I would have refused to pay for them at the soft play area and would of pointed them out to the assistant so they could go and ask for entrance fee.

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 27/07/2011 22:35

Next time, if there is one, let your DH go out and tell them to fuck off.

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