To think continuing with a party when the birthday girl has a stomach bug was a very stupid thing to do?

[Marne]

Before i explain, i have a extreme phobia of vomit so please try and see it from my point of view as well as others.

We were invited to a party last sat, the birthdays girls siblings came down with a bug 2 days before, because of my phobia and the fact that dd2 has SN'S and a bug could hospilise her we decided not to go. Anyway, saw the mother at school this morning and she explained that her dd was sick on friday night but she continued with the party, sat morning she came down with the bug but still did the party food etc. So she was shocked this morning she was shocked that 9 children (all of whom attended the party) are off with the bug.

I am so for everyone, she should not have gone ahead with the party, now theres a huge outbreak of vomiting up the school and i run the risk of dd2 getting very poorly.

So AIBU for thinking this woman is very stupid?

Also AIBU in wanting to keep the dd's home for a couple days because i cant face dd2 getting poorly, its the dd's last week at this school so i was thinking of just dending them in maybe thursday and friday to say goodbye. (ok i know i ABU) but i really cant be doing with the anxiety this causes me as well other things that are going on (at school and home), would it be so wrong?

Marne I feel your pain as I too have a phobia of vomiting. Whoever it was earlier in this thread that said you had an 'irrational' fear has no idea what you go through every day. I too would rather die than be sick. I haven't been sick for 11 years but as I now have a 2 year old, I know it will come.

What an incredibly stupid woman to put all those children I'm harms way. I certainly would be keeping my DD off school if it was near the end of term and a bug was going around.

I hope you find a cure for your phobia. I'm going to have some hypnotherapy soon to see if it helps me.

I have found that being practically prepared for vomit helps me to cope. If I am worried that dd may be getting sick, or has accidentally been in contact with someone who has been sick, I have things at hand ready to cope with the vomit if it comes in the night.

I would put a towel and kitchen roll under her bed (out of her sight), Means that if dd is sick I can clean up really quickly as stuff is at hand.

Place a plastic bag out of her reach to throw towels etc in and dump them for quick clean up.

put her to bed at night time with her hair tied up (she has long hair, and the thought of vomit in her hair would make me sick)

Have a basin handy for her to be sick in, and another basin handy with water etc in it to clean up.

Have a monitor in her room so that I can hear her if she wakes and can get to her room quick.

To others who have no fear of vomit my planning may seem really odd, and ott, but I find for me that knowing that I have done everything practically possible to make the vomiting session easier to deal with if it happens let's me relax.

My dd was sick last week 7 times in the night, but as I was prepared for it, the whole thing of being with dd while she is sick and tiding her up was easy. It was easier for her too as I was able to stay calm, and settle her much quicker each time as I had everything I would need at hand.

I can't remember if you said before Marne but have you tried any medication? I'm not one to push meds on people but when the autonomic arousal is so intense and overwhelming a small does of something like citalopram could help?? Give you the space to do the "thought work" bit of therapy. You've been through the mill so you could give it a try

I then did the same practical things for me so that when I also caught her bug I was prepared, and each time I was sick wasn't as scary as I felt I had better control of it.

I havn't tried medication, i think its my only option now, will try and get my GP to give me something (just need to brave the gp surgery first).

Of course you were right about the party and I totally understand where you are coming from re. school.

I suffer from fairly mild OCD, and really understand that people telling you to 'pull yourself together', 'stop being irrational' etc etc is totally pointless.

However, you know you need to do everything you can to shield your DCs from your anxiety. I think its fine to keep them off for a day or two just this once, but it is of course totally unfeasible and unreasonable to keep them off school whenever classmates have a bug.

Do you have a partner who can help with your phobia? I know it may not be the best way of dealing with things long term, but I tend to rely on my DH for some of my OCD issues that the DCs may pick up on. For example, I have a fear of the hob being left on, taps leaking, doors being left unlocked. So at certain anxiety inducing times (such as leaving to go on holiday) I totally leave everything to my DH. I literally just walk out of the house shaking, and sit panicking in the car, whilst he locks up. It makes me feel physically sick, but IMO it is preferable to the DCs watching me get stuck for 15 minutes wandering around in circles checking.

Dh is not a great help, he has some OCD traits but is not very understanding when it comes to my problems. I have been tempted to keep the dd's off in the past but havn't gone through with it. I think this time there are so many other reasons (exscuses) to keep them home plus its the end of term (last week at this school), i often panick if theres a bug going around but this time its worse as more than half the class has it (or have had it) so it feels like its very likely they will get it if expossed to it.

Keep 'em off. It won't hurt DH to be told where to stick it for once

secret hug

If your child gettign sick would hospitalise her you definately should not send her to school - the school should understand. This happened when swine flu was reported at my dds school and there was a parent with a child with a low immune system, when they spoke to the head he agreed that they should keep their child at home and sent work home for her.

You need 40mg+ of citalopram if thats the route you chose to go down. 20mg is the dose for depression, 40 - 60mg is the dose for anxiety.

It can you worse for the first couple of weeks of taking it so ask your dr to prescribe diazepam (just say 5mg a day) for the first two weeks to counter this. After that the citalopram should kick in and your anxiety will decrease.

I can't tell you how much better my anxiety is since taking it, its changed my life.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you, I know how horrible anxiety is.

Thank you Brian, dh has diazepam here (though he doesn't take it anymore), fingers crossed the gp will give me citalopram or i may have to dip into the diazepam. I think i have forgoton what its like to feel relaxed and i feel so tired all the time . Will phone the gp in the morning.

Marne the exhaustion is because of the anxiety chemicals rushing round your body all the time, the heightened levels of cortisol and adrenaline will shatter you physically! You need a break from it!

I'm glad brian posted about the meds, I work with adolescents so i've forgotten the levels for adult prescribing so it's great you've had that advice. Severe anxiety nearly wrecked me in my early 20s I was a lot like you sound. I can still only cope with my own dcs sick, I have a panic attack when anyone else is sick and I'm a nurse!! (albeit a mental health one).

I'm looking forward to going to the GP, the exhaustion really gets to me and is effecting my relationship with dh, my life is stressful enough with the dd's and all that comes with having children with sn's, i need to get this sorted.

Marne Mon 18-Jul-11 19:12:00
Moanng- we also have the problem with not controlling her temp and have ended up in hospital because of that also (she gets close to fitting and her eyes roll).

I really feel for you Marne. It is hell when their temp. start's rocketing and nothing you do will bring it down again. I hate these selfish parents who send their DC into school or where ever without a thought to anything or anyone else.

I'm waiting on treatment for the same thing Marne. I am taking Propranalol just now and it helps with the palpitations I was getting. Wonder though if Citalopram would be better if you can take diazepam with it as I used to be on that and could take as and when required.
My main problem right now is that I won't travel and I really want to fix that as feel so bad the kids not getting a holiday. DH just doesn't understand how bad I feel.

Hope medication will help you somewhat anyways.

Good luck with your treatment horsemangal, i'm off to the GP in a bit (not looking forward to it as i am seeing the male gp). I kept the girls home today, dd2 is still full of cold and was awake coughing, i feel rough due to being awake all night and not eaten much for 2 days. I took dd2 to her hospital appointment and we managed to go in early due to 4 people cancelling appointments dur to the bug (not what i wanted to hear), i'm keeping them both home tomorrow and might send dd1 back in for the last 2 days (will see how dd2 is whith her cold).

Thanks Marne.

Hope your GP helps, I've always found the male doctors more sympathetic.

Thanks Horse, GP gave me anti-d's but will take a while to work. Sent dd1 to school today so now i'm feeling anxious, need to be brave and send them both tomorrow for the last day, half the class is still off with the bug, i'm hoping parents wont bother to send the back for the last day.

YANBU, what really worries me is she is surprised about the children being off with the bug.

I have a sickness phobia too. It has been good to hear I'm not alone as I do feel a bit stupid sometimes as knowone understands. I have just started CBT a few months ago as it has been taking over my life. I can just about cope with being sick myself but anyone else particually drunk people or children send my anxiety levels soaring. My Son of 16months was unwell Friday night and I am so proud of myself for getting through it. I did sit and watch him like a hawk all night and have everything prepared but I did it.
Just can't believe that party woman!!! Some people!!!

Selfish selfish selfish. She should have cancelled they party. YANBU

I think, irrespective of your phobia, she is incredibly inconsiderate. I would be as mad as heck if someone carried on having a party knowing she was spreading D and V. I am not phobic of sick, I still don't want to be up all night dealing with it!