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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think continuing with a party when the birthday girl has a stomach bug was a very stupid thing to do?

72 replies

Marne · 18/07/2011 16:44

Before i explain, i have a extreme phobia of vomit so please try and see it from my point of view as well as others.

We were invited to a party last sat, the birthdays girls siblings came down with a bug 2 days before, because of my phobia and the fact that dd2 has SN'S and a bug could hospilise her we decided not to go. Anyway, saw the mother at school this morning and she explained that her dd was sick on friday night but she continued with the party, sat morning she came down with the bug but still did the party food etc. So she was shocked this morning she was shocked that 9 children (all of whom attended the party) are off with the bug.

I am so Angry for everyone, she should not have gone ahead with the party, now theres a huge outbreak of vomiting up the school and i run the risk of dd2 getting very poorly.

So AIBU for thinking this woman is very stupid?

Also AIBU in wanting to keep the dd's home for a couple days because i cant face dd2 getting poorly, its the dd's last week at this school so i was thinking of just dending them in maybe thursday and friday to say goodbye. (ok i know i ABU) but i really cant be doing with the anxiety this causes me as well other things that are going on (at school and home), would it be so wrong?

OP posts:
purplepidjincantatem · 18/07/2011 18:38

Having met both (gorgeous) dd's in rl, I'm going with yadnbu. It won't harm them one jot to miss the disruption of the last few days of term! Give them some structured chill out time with you, maybe do some social skills work instead of formal school Smile

heleninahandcart · 18/07/2011 19:11

YANBU you have several reasons for just keeping them at home this week.

Bubble you don't understand just how debilitating such a phobia can be. Of course its irrational, that's what a phobia is. OP would find it terrifying to have to deal with vomit, being with her DC in hospital would also be traumatic. This is not a little bit of 'don't like sick' its a serious issue.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 19:12

Major- dd2 does not pick up on my anxiety, she has ASD and does not really pick up on feelings (she does,t even know what day it is so would not really effect her if she had a day off_.

Moanng- we also have the problem with not controlling her temp and have ended up in hospital because of that also (she gets close to fitting and her eyes roll).

Purple- thank you hun (you know how i get with this phobia and you know the dd's), i think its going to be a long night for me tonight, i feel ill and anxious Sad, i cant wait for this week to be over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 19:16

Thanks Helen, it is serious for me (might not seem like that to others), i have a choice of sending them in and my anxiety levels getting so high that i cant take it anymore, or i keep them home and risk them picking up on my phobia (which i have tried my hardest to hide from them), i think i have to keep them home, its better for them to have me able to care for them rather than have me in a shivering wreck for the rest of the week unable to look after them.

OP posts:
horsemadgal · 18/07/2011 19:32

I totally sympathise, I'd be the exact same. I'd probably still send mine to school but as its the end of term YANBU.

Has your condition improved any in the 2 years of treatment? Seems so long, though I know obviously theres not an instant fix.

Milngavie · 18/07/2011 19:33

Marne I have emetephobia too. It makes life very difficult.

I hate pubs because of the risk of vomit too, I won't go to the loo in one just in case. My DC's all get travel sick so we rarely travel far from home without the aid of phenegran (sp).

The DC's also know to go to their Dad if they feel sick, last year they caught a sick bug and I lost half a stone with the stress of it.

I think in your position I'd keep them off school too.

purplepidjincantatem · 18/07/2011 19:37

Tbh the girls will benefit more from a few days at home than they will the chaos of school, quite apart from the bug and surrounding issues!

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 19:38

Horse, i have had CBT, councelling and hypnotherapy (even payed to go private), i have just finished therapy on the NHS and was told there is no more they can do, i feel like its getting worse (its on my mind 24/7), i know it will effect the girls which makes me feel so much worse, i'm constantly getting them to wash there hands, i hate taking them to places such as softplay, they do miss out on some things and i feel guilty. Most phobias are of things you can avoid or run away from but getting sick is harder to avoid, i have anti sickness tablets from my GP (i get through so many) but i worry that they wont work. I dont think i will ever get rid of the phobia, i just need to learn how to control the anxiety which is prooving to be tricky, i seem to have run out of options. If my GP could offer me a tablet to get rid of these feelings i would happily take it.

OP posts:
howabout · 18/07/2011 19:46

YANBU. I don't have a vomit phobia or a DD with SN but under the circumstances especially this close to the end of term I would keep my DDs off as I see no point in exposing them to sick bugs. I wish our school would enforce a 48 hour rule and when they were at nursery it really annoyed me that the nursery kept it quiet if someone had been sick during a session as had they told me I would have been forewarned of the inevitable bout of sickness we would have caught.

AllGoodNamesGone · 18/07/2011 19:52

YANBU. I would keep mine home in these circumstances and I am not an emetophobe.

You run the risk of one of your children being hospitalised if she gets this bug so the sensible thing to do is to minimise her chances of getting it.

Their education will not suffer from missing a few days at this stage. They will miss more days if they end up ill anyway and there are bound to be some parents send their kids in before the 48 hours.

Keep them home and stay well. I'd be inclined not to send them back at all while children continue to go down with it unless the older one is in year six and wants to say goodbye to friends, in which case I'd consider letting her go on Friday after a lot of education about hand washing etc etc.

popele · 18/07/2011 19:53

I wouldn't keep them off, school isn't optional IMO.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 19:59

They are 5 and 7 (both have sn's, dd2 more severe), dd1 will want to say goodbye to her friends so as long as she goes in friday she will be happy. It seems to be a 24 hour bug so parents are asuming 'there child seems healthy so they are sending them in', theres likely to be a few sent in tomorrow less then 24 hours sinse they were ill (it makes me angry that the school wont bat an eye lid).

OP posts:
herbietea · 18/07/2011 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ragged · 18/07/2011 20:04

Some people really don't understand how tummy bugs work (how contagious, how long to recover, how to prevent, etc.)

I can't really comment on whether you should keep her off school -- if you do it should be for your daughter's sake and if at all possible not pandering to your own phobia (allowing for the fact that only you know how much you can push the boundaries on that phobia & still cope with your life well)

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 20:04

Thank you Herbie and so sorry that you suffer this horrid phobia too. I will be keeping them home for a day or too and see how things go, i havn't told dd1 yet and dd2 wont even notice. I need to do whats best for me and the dd's and i see this as my only option at the moment Sad, i know its not how i should do things but i need to stay sane.

OP posts:
BrianAndHisBalls · 18/07/2011 20:08

I have ocd and take 40mg of citalopram for anxiety, could you discuss that with your doctor? Sorry if you've already done this.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 20:11

I think i will have too, i have spoke to GP before and was offered nothing (just councelling), i think i will try and go tomorrow and ask for something. I just need to be able to relax and worry less, if i could half the anxiety i am feeling now i would feel so much better, cant take much more of feeling like this Sad.

OP posts:
ebbandflow · 18/07/2011 20:22

Are the school aware of your condition? Just wondering if there was any help they can give you. Hope you start feeling less anxious soon.

Neverlandpirate · 18/07/2011 20:23

YADNBA

I have a vomit phobia too, but not as bad as yours and if I was in the same position as you I would keep my dd off for the rest of the week too.

I hope that you can relax a little tonight after you decide not to send them to school and put the last few days behind you. Enjoy the holidays.

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 20:29

Thankyou Neverland, i probably wont sleep tonight, dd2 has not been herself today and dd1 complaining of a nasty taste in her mouth so i am exta anxious, i wish i had not sent dd2 in today, she has a bd cold but i sent her in as her Ocupational therapist was visiting, school then phoned them and cancelled as dd2 was not in a great mood. I'm now worried they may have picked the bug up today so wont be able to relax for a few day (it seems so silly as i type this but this is how bad it is).

The school does not know about my phobia (only a couple closs friends and close family), i wouldn't want to discus it with them as i dont think they would understand.

OP posts:
GingerbreadGiraffe · 18/07/2011 20:33

YANBU Marne.

I am a semi recovered emetephobe. I've been as bad as you describe and it's pure hell. I'm sorry you feel like this too.

What changed things a bit for me was letting go, drinking more and not caring so much and this only came about after a rship breakdown and I was so focused on the grief that I was less vomit focused.

I can vomit ok myself as long as it's at home or in private space and I'm alone. panic when DH vomits as he is so noisy and I will panic a bit about bugs and will avoid socials when I know a child has been
sick in last day or so. I also can deal with my dc being sick. It's rare so far but if I think there is a risk I go super spun out. I can clear it ip though. Just. But only my childs.

I can now do trains, pubs etc but I do know when I need to move seats or leave.

I am saying that you can improve so keep at it and try not to focus on it. Easier said than done I know.

All the best.

All the best.

AppleHEAD · 18/07/2011 20:35

Not sure why your asking. Of course you did the right thing bugger the phobia. Don't feel guiltly I think the mother was incredibly stupid. If I had turned up at the party and been told the child had been ill I would have taken my kids home. Most children get a bug for 24 hours but one of mine always takes ages to get over it!
Well done you are a good mother

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 20:38

Thanks Ginger- your post gives me hope, i cope when it does happen (which isn't very often but often enough for me), i clean up after the dd's but then its followed by pure hell anxiety worrying if i'm going to get ill and i end up feeling ill for days as i stop eating and get so run down Sad.

OP posts:
minxofmancunia · 18/07/2011 20:40

OP yanbu, I really feel for you, my dd geta v v ill everytime she catches a stomach bug moreso than other children last time she was hospitalised too. I'm paranoid about her catching more, I also suffer badly from them and in the past have had a vomit fear, not as bad as your phobia because I still was able to go out and about but the fear i would be sick made me FEEL sick all the time which intensified the anxiety and meant I hardly ate and dropped to v v low weight.

I'm really sorry therapy hasn't worked for you, I'm a CBT practitioner but unfortunately it doesn't always work. Have you tried psychotherapy? You could pay for a private referral look on the BABCP website for a good practitioner, they're all accredited and have done several hours of supervised practice to make sure they're fit for purpose.

I hope you can get through this for you and your children as I'm afraid it's likely to affect them and it's the last thing you would want I'm sure. best of luck to you Smile

Original poster
Marne · 18/07/2011 20:44

Thank you minx, i will take a look at psychotherapy, i'm willing to try anything even if it means going private.

I'm worried how it will effect the dd's, dd1 suffers from anxiety due to having Aspergers, she copes well when ill and i hope my phobia does not rub of on her.

OP posts: