To want a divorce after only 6 months of marriage?

[ConfusedHeart]

we have been together 5 years and 6 months. married for the 6 months. we are young (I am 20) but I think it was a huge mistake.

I just dont love him anymore. He feels more like an annoying brother than a husband. I dont find him attractive anymore and I won't sleep with him.

I dont know what to do. I really want out.

believe me if i could stack shelves i would but i cant find anywhere that is hiring around me. Im sending out CVs tomorrow to everywhere, even if theyre not looking for anyone!

Hmm. I think 15 is really young to be with a 20 year old. How can you know your own mind at that age, with no experience to guide you?
Look, whatever you do, don't stay just out of guilt, or some misplaced anxiety over what people will think. It's your life.

Sorry, ConfusedHeart . I'm not always very tactful.

But if you feel you need time to explore and discover who you are, perhaps you should tell your DH?

We've been married 19 years this year (we were young too). I can honestly say that the first one was by far the hardest, although there have been other challenging spells. It does take time and effort to work out what your new "normal" life will be. The first few months it's just good to be able to saty in by yourself, but it does sound like he's trying and if he wants to make you happy, that's a good start.

Give it a bit more time, I'd say.

I was with my ex for 5 years when we married. I was 21, he was 27. It hadnt been a happy relationship for the last two years of it at least...but we'd been together so long, I'd put up with a lot already, too much invested, loved his DD like my own, lived together for ages, had cats a mortgage, loads of stuff would need to be split, he wouldnt let me leave him, he loved me in his own way no confidence to leave, no one else would have me.....i could go on and on...

We got married, i was like you OP, put all my feelings down to nerves/stress of it all. Hated every second, thank god my mates were there to get me through it (who he hated as they were all the lads Id know since nursery!)

We waited a week to go on honeymoon, Mexico, Id wanted to go there forever! At the airport i sat across from him and all I could think was 'id rather be here with anyone else in the world than you'.

We were there two weeks, i spent half of it on the phone to my mates, the other half out on my own. A week after we returned i ended it. We were both seeing other people in days. HE still hates me because i ended it, even though he didnt want to be with anyway! We were married for just over a month. We could have had an anulment (sp) but he wouldnt agree. We were officailly married for two years by the time he would sign the papers. Fucker!

Im 27 now, two kids with my DDDDDDDDH who is fabulous. There is life after I promise, if you're not happy dont waste anymore time, its too precious

i have told him all this, he wants to do it with me. Gah!

i was really harsh on him when we had a big argument a few weeks ago. i told him:

i didnt love him, didnt want to be with him, was looking for a better job so i could move out.

he decided to ignore it and tried to sleep with me that night. I didnt tell him I wasnt attracted to him though. thats why his gf before me broke up with him. I'd feel bad saying that.

At the risk of being shot down - you made a promise. You stood up and made a promise in front of everybody that you would love him until death. Not until you decided that you didn't really like him anymore...

Oh come on... at 20, there are very few of us mature enough to really think through life-long commitment. OP was engaged at barely gone 16.... way way way too young for most. She wasnt even an adult then really.

You should be having these discussions with him, rather than us though, surely?

If that was the case, there would be no threads on here... OP came here to ask for advice.. that is what these boards are for!! of course she needs to talk to her husband, but its sensible to seek a broader range of views too before that...

My MIL got marred at 17. She had to, back then it was the "done thing".

She was widowed 3 years ago....

She said that for many years she did regret her life, because she never had the chance to go on holidays with her mates, or any of the other freedom that single people have before settling down. She went straight from being a child living with her parents, to a wife living with a husband... and even now she is so sad that she missed out on what should have been a great time of her life.

I was also earning a pitence op, i rented a bedsit on a high street....it such a happy home compared to all the house we'd had together, and for the first time since leaving home nearly 5 years ago i could have my mates round! amazing!

He was 20 and going out with a 15 year old?????? I'm sure you thought that was great at the time, but now you're 20 doesn't the idea of being with a 15 year old boy make you feel sick? You've got no children, mortgage etc. Get out now. All those things you want to be doing and can't because you're with him turn into resentment. At the moment you don't fancy him. It could get to the point where you hate him for it. You might not be able to file for divorce now - I don't know, just going of what the pther poster said- but that doesn't mean you can't leave him now and file in 6 months. Ask friends if they need a flat mate.

Oh please get out!
When I think of the boys I went out with at that age I shudder! You have changed so much as a person since you were 15, and you will change again over and over throughout your 20's.
Forgive me, but it was absolutely daft to get married at 20. You will probably live into your 80's - fancy 60 odd years with this boy?
You have a lifetime of fun, holidays, boys, friendships, jobs and experiences ahead - please please please go out and live a life - you are 20 not 60!

Hasnt the law on divorce changed? I am sure Katie Price didnt have to wait 2 years with that Alex Reid...

Guys i really dont know what to do. I want to end it but I will be homeless. Seriously. My mates all live with their folks still so there is no sofa for me. My mum cant take me as she has my big brother in the spare room and I cant afford to live myself (he pays all the bills) I dont know what to do

I'm sorry, she can't take you in because your older brother is in the spare room? Does he have special needs? If not, he's at least 21 and you need a place to stay.

You should be having these discussions with him, rather than us though, surely?

he decided to ignore it and tried to sleep with me that night.

It doesn't sound like he is listening to you.

I was just like you with my first boyfriend. We were together for around 9 years. I knew the day we completed on the house together that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him but I kept taking the coward's way out and staying. I am ashamed to admit I had affairs while I was with him. I left for one of them which was a disaster. However I wasn't as young as you. I left at 26 and pretty much ran riot for about 10 years.

I think I know just how you feel. Don't get trapped. Start using contraceptives just in case and please, please get yourself independent. I did at least have that. I worked and earned about the same amount as he did and he agreed to remortgage our house and buy me out in the end. That resulted in me getting a mortgage on my own and buying my own flat. I was pretty independent until I was around 37 and then got married again. Made all the same mistakes all over again. Sometimes we never learn do we!!!

If you feel like this now believe me it will never change. Shame you went through with the marriage really.

Good luck

Why did you get married, if you felt like this before you got married?

Also i was 21 when i got married, but we had a 12 weeks old baby.

I married at 20 and my husband was 19 and that was 7 years ago. We have done loads together been to uni together, worked abroad together, visited loads of places, when we first wed for the first few years we were out drinking/eating out nearly every night. Marriage doesnt have to be boring and I am sure there are loads of things you can do together. I have never felt like I am missing out as I have done everything all my friends have (more than most of them actually)

no but he owes lots of people lots of money. (my brother)

I dont even know if my mum would take me in... she paid a looot for my wedding :S it was a big, stressful doo which is why everything else kinda just went to one side till it was over.

Urgh.... Ive thought it about it so much i dont even think i'll cry when it happens! I just want it done now, i just dont know how!

I think you need to go and talk to your mum. She may be a bit grrrrr about it at first, especially if she is still paying it off... and she might give you a lecture.. but if you have a good relationship with her she may also be the best person in the world to talk to as well.

ConfusedHeart - I have been where you are and it is awful (for both of you ). Can you get a room in a house share ? When I left my ex h, I rented a room in a house. There were 5 girls sharing the house and I had an absolute blast . It wasn't very expensive.

Squeakytoy, you don't necessarily have to wait two years, but you do if you're divorcing on the basis of being separated. In that case, you need to have been separated for at least two years (five if one partner does not consent) so obviously you have to have been married at least two years even if you separated the day after the wedding. If the reason is adultery or unreasonable behaviour, you can do it sooner. In any event though, it has to be at least a year and a day after the marriage took place.

Hate love creates

Just because you love me, because I love you,
Caught in the cycle, love makes true.

I let you in, and I let you stay,
Consuming each part of me, day by day.

It started slow, but soon gained speed,
We each became one, our identity gone.

I?ll neglect my needs, and you?ll neglect yours,
Love turns to contempt, feel it seep through our pores.

Losing companions whilst caught in the trap.
When we?ve escaped, will they come back?

For the sake of love we?ll do as we ask.
Create conviction from compromise ? how long can this last.

Just because you loved me, because I loved you.
You?ll soon come to hate me; by then I?ll hate you!

Is there any sort of hostel you could stay at? Not ideal but if you really want to get away from him...

Ive just got married, Im 21 and we have a 1 yo ds. DH is 25 so similar age gap to you. Hes the one for me, Im lucky I found him. Im sorry you feel like you do, its not your fault.

"ConfusedHeart Sun 17-Jul-11 19:39:00

where as i used to be the life and soul of the party but im not now "

This post is a massive red flag.

Your situation sounds very like mine in my early twenties. ExH and me met at school and married young. We lasted a year in reality but hung on for an extra 12 months of pergatory.

He never listened to me or wanted to do anything with me. He saw his wife as some kind automatron, an inanimate object who cooked and cleaned and had sex with him.

I got out and never looked back. Since then I've travelled, had two great careers and am now TTC with someone I adore and who adores me.

Go see the world!

I have been there. I was 23 he was 27. BIG wedding (expensive+++ can't underline enough £70k+). Had been together for 4 years prior.

He was depressed but neither of us realised at the time. I didn't fancy him anymore. I felt so trapped and very stuck. Separated 4 months after wedding. Made a number of last ditch attempts inc counselling (didn't help us, we agreed about everything and were our usual polite happy selves, I could just say I didn't find him attractive anymore).

All those saying "why did you get married" not helpful. They did, fact. Now move on. I also had a miscarriage. Wanted another baby, he didn't (in hindsight wise as would have been the proverbial band aid).

Met DH a year later. Now have 2 DCs. Our families were so very angry, understandably. Mostly with me as I instigated the spilt and exDH was heartbroken. ExDH interestingly didn't blame me, but blamed himself. I think he was FAR too charitable. My mum was ultimately supportive.

We are still good friends. Not a day goes past where I don't think about how much better my life would be if we were still together. I suppose I mean materially. We were more compatible as we had the same kind of job and respected each other's career progression, he was 100% more reasonable than DH. Socially and intellectually more compatible. Butlife was boring and I felt unfulfilled. I was in a relationship I wasn't grown up enough for.

Ultimately I made the right decision. Leave. But beware is heartwrenching and unsettling.