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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my BIL should really take the hint now & leave?

54 replies

clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:14

Despite being horrendously busy this weekend, DH agreed with his bro for him to 'pop in' for a quick lunch today so the DC could all play together.

He reminded him earlier how busy we are with lots of jobs still to be done before DS's birthday party in 2 weeks & also told him that I've not been feeling too well (not a lie).

They arrived at midday, we finished lunch about 1.5hrs ago and they're STILL HERE.

I've tried rubbing my head & eyes, complaining of a headache, asking for water as I 'feel a bit funny' & casually reminding DH that we were going to try & get to the shops before they close but no dice.

Btw, it's not just me who wants them gone, DH cornered me in the kitchen saying 'Why are they still here?!' to me.

AIBU to think he should take the numerous hints?!

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 17/07/2011 15:15

Phone someone on your mobile and get a pretend-emergency call in. That's what I do.

faeriefruitcake · 17/07/2011 15:16

Family need no hints, politly, 'well we have to go out now' and 'see you soon' instead of all the passive agressive behaviour and internal anger

Birdsgottafly · 17/07/2011 15:16

No, you should say, 'sorry but we need to get to the shops', people aren't mind readers, some men are really bad at picking up hints and that is why humans developed language the way we did, so that we could comunicate clearly.

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 17/07/2011 15:16

I think your DH needs to tell them that you have things you need to do today and tell them that you'll arrange to see them again another time when you're less busy.

FizzyMakeFeelNice · 17/07/2011 15:17

Just say you have to get to the shops, so you're leaving in 10 minutes. Maybe ask him if he's coming with you or going home?

FairhairedandFrustrated · 17/07/2011 15:18

It sounds like you don't really want them there at all :(

Why didn't you just tell them it wasn't suitable rather than have them there yet wish they would go.

My sister used to do this to us all the time, we don't visit her anymore.

Original poster
clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:18

Sadly faeriefruitcakes this particular family doesn't respond to either hints or bluntness if it doesn't suit their plans. Sad

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 17/07/2011 15:19

fgs don't hint or fume

just shoo out the door

Original poster
clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:19

Have tried saying that birdsgottafly but he's just made himself more comfortable.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 17/07/2011 15:21

if you go out what will he do, just sit there?

Original poster
clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:21

I think that's quite unfair fairhairedandfrustrated actually. I was glad to see them for lunch (we only saw them yesterday too btw) but the arrangement we made was for just that, lunch, not the whole afternoon. If we hadn't wanted them here, I would have said so and arranged for another time. Smile

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 17/07/2011 15:22

Get his coat and hand it to him.

LineRunner · 17/07/2011 15:22

Why can't you just tell them that you need to get to the supermarket(s) now, before they shut. In my town they close at 4pm on Sunday.

Original poster
clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:22

I think you're right chaoticangel & I've tried telling DH that he needs to make the point more bluntly but he won't so far.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 17/07/2011 15:22

Part of the problem may have been the vagueness to begin with 'pop in'. It isn't unusual to spend the whole of Sunday afternoon in a relatives if cousins are playing together.

Start to say what you mean and just stick to it, it isn't difficult, or bad mannered. Everyone then knows where they stand and what the arrangements are.

HampstersDontSwim · 17/07/2011 15:23

Well start getting ready and say that its been lovley ect ect

Get coat and shoes and lead them out.

Original poster
clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:24

Thanks linerunner have just asked DH quite loudly 'What time does that shop shut again?'

OP posts:
Original poster
clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:25

Oh FFS, men! He's just said 'I think it's 5 o'clock it shuts' even when I said 'Are you sure it isn't 4?'

The whole problem is probably down to the fact that it was the two of them who made the arrangements actually and DH probably wasn't specific enough about how much we had to get done. Angry

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 17/07/2011 15:25

yes but saying what time does that shop shut is not the same as handing over coat, rounding up kiddies and saying bye now

Original poster
clingingtosanity · 17/07/2011 15:26

Very true about often relatives spending whole Sunday afternoons together but I told DH to make it clear that couldn't be the case - clearly he didn't do this! Angry

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 17/07/2011 15:26

why don't you go to the shop and leave them with the kiddies?

lenak · 17/07/2011 15:28

Tell him you need to get to the shops - ask him if he is going or whether he minds keeping an eye on the DC's while you are out - if he opts for the latter, you and DH can have a peaceful 30 mins round the shop DC free while they get to stay at home and play with their cousins.

Olivetti · 17/07/2011 15:30

ffs, just say "I'm afraid I'll have to throw you out, because we need to get this shopping done, been lovely seeing you, see you next week/whenever" I do this ALL THE TIME and I've still got all my friends and family in good spirits!

FabbyChic · 17/07/2011 15:30

You say really sorry to hurry you but we have to get ready to go out as we need to go to the shops.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 17/07/2011 15:31

You could just excuse yourself and leave your dh to it Grin