to resent DH for having yet another lie in?

[Sticki]

We have 3 DCs (6mths, just 2 and 6 yrs). I am a SAHM and DH works very long hours and travels most weeks. I am feeling increasing resentful that he never gets up at the weekends with the DCs. Im not talking about feeding the baby at 5am (although Ive just given up b/fing so he could) but getting up with the 2 yr old and the 6 yr old from 6.30ish.

He is very tired from working so hard, but Im finding it hard to be sympathetic when Im also very tired and cross that Im always having to do everything because of his job. Last Sunday I went back to bed when the baby had a nap but he brought the 2yr old upstairs to find the swim stuff which meant I didnt get any sleep. I had previously told him Im feeling very tired.

Im going to have to talk to him about it (although not this week as have MIL staying - another story!) but Im not sure if I am being unreasonable wanting an occasional lie in.

This thread seems to be about children under 3 - not much point saying "make them sleep longer" or "let them sort themselves out in the morning".

Can't expect a 6 month old, or even a 2.5 year old, to look after themselves. Babies and toddlers often wake early, that's just the way it is with small children. My DS is awake at 6am regardless of what time he goes to bed.

Ill concede that some dcs will wake earlier at this time of year because of the light mornings but id move hell and high water before id tolerate 6am starts long term.
Floot is your 2.5 yo having daytime naps? What is their bedtime and how many hours of exercise do they get? At that age mine were down at 9 , never up before 8 and no naps. Soft plays on rainy days to wear them out.

I think it is all about sharing responsibilities. I am better at getting up during the night but am rubbish at early mornings, DH is bad at getting up during the night but better at early mornings, so.....

I get up during the night and DH does early (wkend) mornings.

Ours are 6 and 3 and DH and I both work now, but this arrangment has worked for a while, obviously, if no night time wakings we take it in turns,Sat he lies in, Sun he gets up and I go for a sanity needed run.

We found out early on that no one ever wins the 'who is the most tired' argument, and if you dont share resentment builds quickly, YANBU so agree a plan with DH!!

Not sure how to "not tolerate" 6am starts... If you have the solution please let me know!

YANBU.

And ditto what everyone else has said

OK, from the other perspective I am the WOHP working long hours and travelling a fair amount. And our deal has always been that while I'm travelling I get a silent room all to myself and can usually manage the extra hour in bed, I miss the kids and when I'm at home the childcare is squarely my job. To the extent that I didn't get a single lie-in for years on the grounds that dh had the kids all week so weekends were my job, and that I felt so guilty about this set-up that there was no way I could have slept when they were awake. Now I feel less guilty - I do, after all, contribute all the income - and we get one lie-in each, but mine is until 8.30 and dh's is often later than 10. In my experience of doing both, a demanding and highly paid job, even with international travel, is much less tiring than being sahp to preschoolers.

DS1 1y8m, sleeps at 7pm, is totally silent until 5.50/6am. We have blackout blinds, I cut his day nap. If I let him day nap as long as he likes he would sleep for 3 hours. I wake him up after 90 mins now, and am bringing that down by 5 mins a day, to NO avail, if anything wake up is creeping forward a few mins a day.

He charges around like a maniac all day, I take him out for 3 hours a day to burn off energy.

He will not sit in cot quietly and play (mother's suggestion, cheers ma).

My DH sometimes lets me have a lie in, a couple of times a week. But not really. I still look after DS2 - 2m, who requires changing and BFing. His idea of looking after DS1 is same as a poster above, give cup of milk, toast, change wet nappy, park in front of Cbeebies. DH then lies on sofa with cushion on head goes back to sleep. An hour later DS1 will storm back into my room beat or kiss me depending on mood, wake up DS2 by shouting "RAH!". I will notice that he stinks of poo and has clearly been sitting in shit for an hour, is hungry, thirsty, grubby, front room as been anhilated, books all over floor, random paper ripped up, toast crumbs over both sofas, coffee table, rug and floor. So I will tuck DS2 under my arm at 8am, sort out DS1 and all associated mess. DS1 will start crying because he doesn't want to wash his face/have nappy changed/bored at which point DH will rise from sofa like monster from swamp shouting: "For God's sake why can't you keep DS1 quiet! He is always quiet when I look after him!" where upon I spontaneously combust with fury.

Where were we with OP? Oh yeah, lie ins. Take it in turns, tell DCs to stay in bed until 10am in silence. Sorted.

trying having a DP who works 7 days a week

i wouldn't know a lie in if it came up and bit my fat ass

[aaahhhh thats why i'm a crabby witch most of the time emotion]

I am always amazed at the amount of people who come on these threads saying their child sleeps until 8am and we are all doing something wrong by having children that wake at 6am. How do they get to school/work????

I work & my DH works - we all have to be up at 6.30am to stand any chance of my being on time for work/school. My DH leaves the house at 7.30am to go to work, me and the kids leave the house at 8am to get them to school breakfast club then I walk into work to be there by 8.30am.

Yes, they are a little older at 4 and 6 and so they do get up and watch TV at the weekends but I work every other Sat so lie ins are a thing off dreams - I do go to bed at 10pm though....... always!

I used to be the one who always got up to our 2 daughters. Then a few months ago I had to have an operation which meant for a couple of weeks my OH had to do all bathing, school runs, nappy changes, cleaning etc.

Since then I get up in the week (he usually leaves for work at 5.30am). Then we have one day lie in each at weekend.

With us it's early nights. My son is 12 (DS1) and goes to sleep very late (Aspie teens are notorious for it apparently). He needs to be sorted out for going to bed - uniform ready if it's school the next day, has he done teeth etc as he can't self organise at all. Our 3 month old (DS2) goes to bed around 8 and is no problem. My OH always goes to bed around 9 and leaves me to sort out DS1. He gets up at about the same time as me and doesn't have to BF in the night, in fact he doesn't even wake when DS2 does but is always complaining that he's tired, not getting enough sleep etc. If I got 10 hours uninterrupted sleep every night I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven! When I go back to work later this year we will have to get DS2 ready for nursery and myself looking fit for a day at the coal face which will involve me getting up about an hour or so earlier as I unfortunately forsee him letting me do it all while he lies in bed. And then still taking all the early nights and moaning about being tired when I'm surviving on half the sleep, still night feeding and going to work as well as doing all the cooking, cleaning etc (I do it now as I'm at home all the time and I can't see him being keen to take over any of it as it is easier to flop in front of the telly). I do love him but he can be quite thoughtless and hasn't a clue how much work actually goes into running the house, dealing with the kids etc (With just 1 child and no waking up in the night it was very different to having two of them, one with SEN and one a baby) and when he has to take his fair share it is going to be a dirty shock and a potential flashpoint.

Mess- we live 3 mins walk from school, and now ds walks himself to school so on dps days off we can both get a lie in!
Some people seemto have made life very hard for themselves!

Why do you allow him to treat you like that though DrCoconut, do you not say anything to him?

rainbow do you mean some people have made life hard by having jobs?

'on dps day off'

Rainbow if you had to get up at 6:30am to work, Mon-Fri do you think your DC would lie in Sat - Sun?

In hols I could get my DC to lie in after about 5 days but not in two days...certainly not quickly enough to enjoy a weekend.

I don't think I make life hard. I work with what life has given me

rainbow he's generally in bed between 7 and 8, up between 6 and 6.30 and his nap is anywhere between nothing and 3 hours depending on how busy our morning's been. He's quite tired at the moment (I'm thinking growth spurt) but has always caught up in the day rather than sleeping longer at night. If I put him to bed later it makes no difference. If I refuse him a daytime nap when he needs one he is absolutely impossible to manage, still up at 6 and just more tired!

TBH I don't mind him being awake early as I'd rather have my evening and on nursery mornings he needs to be up anyway. I'd just like him to amuse himself for 20. Mins rather than yelling for me right away. But actually maybe he does that already... how would I know??

Id choose to live closer to work than get up that early. Im just not an early riser and cant function without my sleep. I suppose its just that different people have different priorities. We live in a small flat which is close to everything. Im not saying people make their lives harder by working, its the commute thats the killer.
As a compromise cant these early risers just come through and snuggle into your bed? Mine were happy to come through and watch cbeebies while we dozed to a rea@onable time.

When ds was tiny and having 6am feeds i treated those as night feeds and put him back to sleep after. Then we would both sleep until.9am. But the flipside is that i dont mind mine being up in the evening. Dp often doesnt get in until 1 am so i dont mind the dcs up til 9/10 because our bedtime is between 12 and 2am.

We'll all just get jobs closer to home then, sorted.

Oh thanks rainbow. I wish I'd had you when I had my children. You should write a book

rainbow - I think you must be in the minority - My DH works close to home a 15 min drive but has to start at 7.30/7.45am and I do work close to home a 20 min walk but I have to be work for 8.30am.

TBH I want the kids to go to bed at a reasonable time so I get some grown-up time in the evening, if they stayed up till 10pm I don't think many of my friends would be pleased to come around for a catch up or me meet them at that time.

Silly me for not picking a job that had a much later start time as well as being closer to home.