Page 3 | To not be thrilled about dh's 20yr uni friends reunion weekend away?

Minicooper · 2011-07-16T17:03:11+00:00

Just that really. It is a one off, so maybe I should just put up with it, but as a SAHM when something like this comes up it makes it a VERY long fortnight! I have a 3yo and a 1yo, neither in childcare as its school holidays and 3yodd's preschool is closed for 8 weeks [shock] and have no family in the country to decamp to for the weekend.

tiredfeet · 16/07/2011 23:24

Can you not organise a close friend/ relative to come and visit, so that you get company and a helping hand too? Dh went away several times when I was on maternity leave, but I made sure each time I organised a visitor so that I had a good weekend too, and once I feel able to leave ds he knows that I am owed several weekends away . Everyone should have a bit of time off.

Allinabinbag · 16/07/2011 23:26

If my husband goes away on a weekend, I think of it like being a single mum, hard work, but plenty of people do it.

Can no-one come and give you a hand? Or have a friend over for some moral support?

Or do what I do on a Sunday if I'm on my own and knackered from the week, don't get dressed, watch lots of TV and eat 'easy' food. Get a shop delivered Fri night and don't stress yourself trying to do too much.

It is hard being home for a long time on your own, very tiring when they are little, but I think it would be unreasonable to stop someone going to a reunion and I don't expect it happens every year.

Zimm · 17/07/2011 07:43

The OP has already said she doesn't have local family for support - this makes a huge difference. I discussed this post with my DP - he said if it was him he would want to go but he would book the adjoining Monday or friday off work so I got a day off. This seems like an excellent solution if OP's DH has sufficient leave to do this?

I didn't say OP should stop him going, just pointed out that I think there is a bit of trend on Mumsnet to always support weekends away of DPs/DHs and I just think, at times, it is not unreasonable to ask your partner not to go, even if he doesn't do it often, because having young children is a unique and short time in your life. FWIW I would be fine with my DP going but I would definitely rope in help for the weekend - I don't care if this makes me a wimp/not as capable as others. OP may not have that option.

OP - hope you get your changes made and some rest! :-)

ilovedora27 · 17/07/2011 08:41

I would definitely let him go, and he would for me. I would be very pissed off if he said I couldnt go tbh as its a special occasion. I have been away/ out loads since ours have been born and my husband has never once complained. You can still have a social life just because you have kids.

ENormaSnob · 17/07/2011 09:50

Yabvu

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/07/2011 14:01

YABU, its a one off and he shouldnt be made to feel guilty.

He is obviously financially supporting you in your decision to be a SAHM, being the sole earner and responsible for other people is an immense pressure for some yet you begrudge him having a few days off?

If you dont enjoy being home all day every day then as other posters have suggested you could return to work. However you would then have to cope with work and still all the other things that come with being a parent.

bestfootforwards · 17/07/2011 14:20

I don't have local family for support either, but I make sure dh makes plans long enough in advance so I can get them to book to come and see me or I can organise to visit them (and I make dh pay!). Or how about organising to see friends? I book up my childless but broody friends for these kind of occassions they are normally cured of their broodiness by the end of the weekend

bestfootforwards · 17/07/2011 14:20

I don't have local family for support either, but I make sure dh makes plans long enough in advance so I can get them to book to come and see me or I can organise to visit them (and I make dh pay!). Or how about organising to see friends? I book up my childless but broody friends for these kind of occassions they are normally cured of their broodiness by the end of the weekend

cat64 · 17/07/2011 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Minicooper · 17/07/2011 16:03

Oooh, interesting responses! Please note I have never suggested that I wouldn't 'let' dh go, just that I find it difficult. Other people have different situations and set ups - I'm a SAHM because we find that this works for us overall - me going back would cost us financially and have a big impact on my dh as he would then have to take over with the dc evenings and weekends while I was working (my job entailed working 8am-6pm, plus evening work and occasional weekend work too.) Would love to have family close enough to see, but they live too far away to arrange to see - even with prior notice - think flights costing £800 each and you get the picture!

Have obviously annoyed people though, by my dilemma! Sorry, was not my intention! I can see that single parents have this 'dilemma' as a matter of course, but I don't think that because they do it alone this should give my or anyone else's oh carte blanche to leave the SAHP alone 'because you'd have to cope if you were by yourself' This has taught me that it is about balance and that at the moment I am not managing that. Many of you obviously are - well done! As I said earlier, this is something we will have to work on.

OP posts:

FakePlasticTrees · 17/07/2011 16:19

could you ask him to take a day's leave on either the Friday or the Monday of that weekend to give you a break? If it's the Monday, make sure you do something like book a hair appointment so that if he's a little hungover tired from the weekend he can't stay in bed and still not give you a break.

I'd also have a serious talk with him about any money in the budget for childcare for a break, some of the nursery workers might be interested in a couple of morning's nanny work, give you a break over this long period.

Also worth sending a text round the other local mum friends you have and see if anyone's at a loose end for that weekend and fancy doing a day out as a group (which always seems easier than doing it on your own) - I had always assumed everyone else is doing family things on weekends but so many of my friends' husbands have to work on weekends that there's often a few of us stuck with nothing to do.

Original poster

Minicooper · 17/07/2011 16:29

Thanks, fakeplastictrees, yes, worth angling for a day off either side to lighten the load! And prob worth asking around to see if anyone else is at a loose end that weekend too. Like you, I tend to assume that people will be busy, but definitely worth asking!

OP posts:

bestfootforwards · 17/07/2011 19:24

Ah, I see what you mean about the family thing then! Definitely ask people if they're around, I nearly always find someone to keep us company for at least one day over the weekend. And get a weekend/ treat for you planned now so you aren't simmering with resentment while he's away

bestfootforwards · 17/07/2011 19:24

Ah, I see what you mean about the family thing then! Definitely ask people if they're around, I nearly always find someone to keep us company for at least one day over the weekend. And get a weekend/ treat for you planned now so you aren't simmering with resentment while he's away