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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this a slightly odd thing for a doctor to say?

48 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 16/07/2011 14:35

Probably IABU, but...

I have recently had renal surgery and come out of hospital. Generally, the staff were absolutely fabulous, very professional, caring, lovely. The consultant surgeon took time to see me before and after, showed me pictures of the op (yum), and was generally really nice.

But. When he was explaining a follow-up procedure I have to have, a cystoscopy, which basically involves me lying on my back with my knees in the air and them putting a tube up me, he did this weird sort of leery self-conscious smile and said, 'You'll probably find it quite embarrassing'.

Er. Right. Well, I wasn't uncomfortable before, but thanks!! I know I can ask for a chaperone and what not - to be honest, I think that would make it weirder - but AIBU to feel a bit icky about what seemed before just a routine procedure?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 16/07/2011 14:38

I think it's the sort of thing I'd have witness to decide if I thought it was a 'leery' self conscious smile or just an embarrassed self conscious smile really.

Even for medical staff, an explanaition like that must at times make them a little uncomfortable but mainly on behalf of the patient IYSWIM.

Knackeredmother · 16/07/2011 14:39

There will be plenty of chaperones in the room, s rub nurses etc. It won't be just you and him. He was probably just trying to put you at ease as potentially you could find it embarrassing.

mycatoscar · 16/07/2011 14:39

YANBU, is a bit of an odd thing to say. Did you say anything to prompt him to say this? Maybe he was just having a bad day or something, possibly went home thinking "why the hell did I say that ..."

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 16/07/2011 14:40

worra He didn't actually explain it - he just told me what it was called, smirked and made that remark. I was a bit 'Oh, right....' and didn't ask for further details then (I had just come out of surgery, tbf). I looked it up on the internet later and saw what it involved.

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CoffeeDog · 16/07/2011 14:40

Doctor say some very strange things.....My GP was concerened my son 'looks funny' and sent him for genetic tests (he use to scream a lot ) saw a ped who also told me 'he looks a bit strange' - (genetic test clear but he has a problem with his spine)

Not the best thing to say to a mum!!! I think he is georgeous - he also looks the spitting image of DH uncle when he was little, and he turned into a very georgeous if a bit flamming man ;)

biddysmama · 16/07/2011 14:42

my doctor said "well he looks ok to me" about my son who has aspergers... cos you can tell just by looking,woulda saved alot of different specialists seeing him Hmm

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 16/07/2011 14:43

mycato No, he just stopped by my hosp bed and said, 'Right, you know you need to have another procedure, it's called....' etc.

Knackered I'm not bothered about chaperones or lack thereof tbh, it's more the idea that he finds doing this procedure somehow weird/ dirty/ shaming with a female patient! It just makes me feel like it's something icky or weird for him, iyswim.

Probably overthinking it?

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pippitysqueakity · 16/07/2011 15:42

Different, but similarish (when I was v much younger) went to uni Dr who said since had started having sex, neede a smear but' really wasn't in the mood to do one of THOSE now...' Put me off smears for ages as felt if a Dr found it icky...

LadyLibra · 16/07/2011 15:43

Although not an excuse,but is he very young?

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 16/07/2011 15:45

Ew pippity that would totally put me off - no wonder, you poor thing!! Unprofessional imo.

Lady no, he is fully paid up consultant surgeon, I would put him mid-forties or older.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 16/07/2011 15:48

Only you know how he made you feel, do you think you could tell him?
There would always be a chaperone.

feckwit · 16/07/2011 15:52

I had a smear and was lying there legs akimbo mid procedure when the nurse commented " you have a lovely clitoris"!

TarquinGyrfalcon · 16/07/2011 15:57

I went for a smear and mid-smear the female GP turned away and was sick into the sink! I was mortified until she hastily explained she was pregnant and had dreadful morning sickness.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 16/07/2011 15:59

CoffeeDog, what's 'flamming?

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 16/07/2011 16:03

Tarquin - !! That would've been awful....

Well at least you know feckwit.... Wink I'm sure you do!!

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pjmama · 16/07/2011 16:16

feckwit Shock!!!

I don't know whether to laugh or vomit?! Grin

TheMonster · 16/07/2011 16:20

I think you are over thinking it.

Mitmoo · 16/07/2011 16:22

I think it is a difficult one. I once had a nurse in a surgery while giving me a smear say "don't worry it's no bigger than your boyfriends", some people might find that inappropriate it made me smile and relax, job done.

I don't find his comments that odd to be honest.

honeyandsalt · 16/07/2011 16:29

Unintentionally tactless, yes, creepy, nah. I wouldn't let it worry you tbh.

Disasterpiece · 16/07/2011 16:34

Just to clarify it wont be going up your vagina... It will be going in to your urethra, in to your bladder.

Disasterpiece · 16/07/2011 16:36

Oh and you wont need your knees in the air, its just a simple catheter.

Not thats that will make you feel less self concious, I just thought it might be better for you to know you wont be lay on a bed smear test style.

BalloonSlayer · 16/07/2011 16:37

Can you explain how you have got from him telling you that you might find the procedure to be embarrassing, to him finding the procedure to be weird/ dirty / shaming?

He wasn't talking about how he felt, he was warning you about how YOU might feel. This is probably been prompted him seeing the embarrassment of female patients who have had it done in the past, as opposed to male patients who he obviously will also treat but for whom it might not be as bad.

I think you are being quite inappropriate actually, in taking what he said about what your feelings might be, and extrapolating that into what you have decided his feelings are.

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 16:40

in my last smear the nurse started talking to my cervix.
"were are you?
cant, quite get see you.
ahhhh there you are."
i totally pissed my self she hadnt even realised she had bee doing it until i started to laugh and then she got a really fit of the giggles with her hand in my vag.

spookshowangel · 16/07/2011 16:41
Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 16/07/2011 16:56

Disaster yes, I know. Thanks though :)

Balloon seriously?? I'm not 'deciding' that they are his feelings, I am saying that is how he made me feel. As though he found the whole thing unpleasant or weird. You are probably right that he has had embarrassed female patients in the past though. I suppose I just don't think that introducing the idea of embarrassment into a professional/ confidential medical situation is that great if the patient isn't showing signs of it - I suppose it felt too close to you should be embarrassed by this.

But then I am probably overthinking.

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