Would you find this a slightly odd thing for a doctor to say?

[RevoltingPeasant]

Probably IABU, but...

I have recently had renal surgery and come out of hospital. Generally, the staff were absolutely fabulous, very professional, caring, lovely. The consultant surgeon took time to see me before and after, showed me pictures of the op (yum), and was generally really nice.

But. When he was explaining a follow-up procedure I have to have, a cystoscopy, which basically involves me lying on my back with my knees in the air and them putting a tube up me, he did this weird sort of leery self-conscious smile and said, 'You'll probably find it quite embarrassing'.

Er. Right. Well, I wasn't uncomfortable before, but thanks!! I know I can ask for a chaperone and what not - to be honest, I think that would make it weirder - but AIBU to feel a bit icky about what seemed before just a routine procedure?

I don't understand how you can feel that he thinks the whole thing is unpleasant and weird. He didn't have to choose this specialism, did he? There is no way someone would go through 5 years of medical training and decide to become a specialist in an area that repulsed him. There's no way he was talking about anyone's feelings but yours.

The thing is that he is not a gynaecologist, he's a renal consultant. 50% of his patients (men) will probably never have had anyone do anything to their nethers, unless they have had vasectomies.

Of the 50% of his patients who are women, quite a few may never have had children, or even a smear test and would be horrified at the thought that a procedure to do with a kidney complaint would involve something being inserted into that area.

I had a friend years ago, in her 50s, unmarried and deeply religious, who had a bladder complaint. She had to have a scan and without preparing her for it, it was decided to do an internal one. She was clearly upset by it, as the sonographer had been a bit uncaring. She said to me afterwards, in agonies of embarrassment "You know, I'm not married." In other words, she was a virgin and was treated as if she was like most women in their 50s, seen it all, done it all, had kids, been through all sorts of indignities, but she wasn't. It was all such a shock for her. I think it would have been good to prepare her a bit, then she could have had someone with her, at least to take her for a cup of tea afterwards.

I genuinely think that he was trying his best to prepare you and, well, just trying to be nice.

Urgh

"When Italics Turn Bad."

I don't see anything strange with what he said at all.

To all those who think the op is being unnessesary |PLEASE listen to her.
Her doctor made her feel uncomfortable = fact
What advice can we give her about this situation

So, are you able to ask for a nurse practioner or another doctor to do this procedure? There is nothing to stop you asking for another doctor if you want to. When you get the letter arranging your appointment I suggest you phone them up and request a female/another doctor.
I do it all the time it is just a simple request and will set your mind at ease.

You do not have to see someone who makes you feel this way at all.

It is a slightly odd thing to say, I think possibly just a socially awkward doctor rather than a creepy one though op.

I went for an antenatal appointment once and the docot told me my eyes stuck out too far (seriously) and actually admitted me for more tests ( I think thyroid etc). I then had 24 hours of other doctors agreeing and it turned out there was nothing wrong with me I just have very ugly eyes it seems.

I actually stopped wearng contact lenses because of that and switched to glasses!

Oh, poor Powered! It really doesn't mean you have ugly eyes, just a bit more prominent than some others! I am sure you have lovely eyes! Get back into your contact lenses forthwith!

@mamas12 - the OP's question was "AIBU to feel a bit icky about what seemed before just a routine procedure?" i.e. she wished for an neutral assessment of how appropriate or otherwise the doc had been. Which she has got. Sometimes it's tough to tell if one's offence is justified.

Feel free to muck about getting as many docs as your heart desires because you think they've looked at you funny or whatever, but at no point did the OP say she wanted to switch docs. In fact if he's otherwise competent firing a doctor who knows your medical history already and has done nothing more wrong than unintentionally putting his foot in it is a bit silly and could jeapardise her care.

i was asked at an antenatal check if i minded showing the student dr my cervix as he hadnt seen one yet and mine was a good one

A nurse told me on my second smear test she loved "doing the younger girls, they always have such pretty vaginas and so easy to test, when your older an had kids its pick up the flap and find the hole game"

i had no clue what to say but also couldnt stop laughing resulting in me clamping an already very nervous vagina up to the point she had to be quite stern with me!

sometimes i think they just dont think

After a mole removal, the LA made my shoulder numb so I forgot to pull my bra strap back on (twas hanging down under my armpit). The practice nurse had to remind me and the doctor who had done the surgery said to me "oh yes they'll wonder what we've been doing!". Not creepy, but obviously the professional 'banter' of an awkward doc. Perhaps the same in your case?

I wonder if we have the same consultant? I've just seen one who saysi need a cystoscopy. He told me I'd be awake and That I'd be exposed and may feel uncomfortable. Maybe they just feel they ought to warn people?

I've had two renal surgeries and two cystoscopies in the last four months. My urological consultant performed neither of the cystoscopies - I think they are deemed too routine for a consultant and are handed over to a registrar, so chances are this man won't be performing it. My registrar (same both times) had so many patients to service I felt as if I was on a production line, and I was glad of it.

A nurse is on hand as a matter of course.

Also, you'd be surprised how many of the women I met in hospital were more concerned by the embarrassment factor rather than (like me!) the prospect of pain - not that I experienced much, as it happens. Perhaps he felt he ought at least to acknowledge that it could be deemed embarrassing, though I must say I think it's better to stick to technicalities.

Are they painful? Am definitely more worried aout the pain?

No - mine didn't hurt (and I can say this even though I'm not the greatest stoic).

On the first occasion, I just felt a sensation of cold as he slid the instrument in, then I could just feel it rotate as the camera surved the bladder wall, but it wasn't even unpleasant. It only took a couple of minutes.

The second time was more complicated as he had to remove a ureteral stent, drawing it through the bladder and urethra. It was a tiny bit uncomfortable as he was tugging it out, but certainly not painful, and again, it was a matter of a couple of minutes.

Definitely nothing to worry about.

surveyed!

Well, I had a endoscopy once where the doc administering it said to me 'Don't worry, I don't get a kick out of doing these!'

Erm, that hadn't even crossed my mind until you said it you freak

op Please try not to worry about what was said, it's awful to feel uncomfortable like that but it does genuinley sound like he's just a bit socially awkward rather than anything else. I used to work with a lovely and extremely intelligent consultant, who had the most terrible social skills! He thought nothing of giving his patients a bear hug (usually after their procedure!), used to try and rub my back for me when I was pregnant, and had the most leering smile! But I refuse to believe he was pervy, he was just clueless!
Tarquin My mother went through the same thing when she was pregnant with me! She used to alternate between being sick in the sick and desperatley trying to explain to patients and relatives that she was pregnant, not contagious!

YANBU. It's up to the patient to decide whether it's embarrassing or not.

Balloon - you are giving the OP an unreasonably hard time for assuming the doctor's feelings based on a comment he made. Don't you realise that the whole point of this thread is that he said something inappropriate that related to how he thinks she might feel about something?

It seems like you're being unnecessarily aggressive about this. People assume how others feel all the time. In good situations we call it empathy. This doctor quite possibly had good intentions but it is part of his job to put people at ease about potentially uncomfortable and embarrassing situations and he got this one wrong. It's normal for the OP to feel uncomfortable about this.

What did he say that was inappropriate?

The point is she felt he said something that was inappropriate. Everything that relates to peoples feelings is subjective isn't it? Otherwise there would be a pre-determined correct response to every question.

I think he probably felt a bit embarrassed about it himself and had a 'first thing out of his mouth' moment. In other words, I don't think he was being pervy. BUT it's a bit worrying that someone so senior and, presumably, experienced, felt flustered or embarrassed in the first place. And the point, as loads of others have said, is that the OP FELT uncomfortable about it.