AIBU to think that my ex has a chance to take my daughter away

[snailsandslugs]

I don't know who to ask and just need some facts - hopefully to reassure me so that I can get some sleep.

He has just texted me that he is contacting a lawyer and all communication will be through him and that he is flighting for custody.

He lives in France - he is French, me, here in London.

I left him when I was pregnant because I thought he was emotionally abusive. He used to shout a lot/get angry/critisice me constantly/constantly picking faults/controlling. I loved him and still do which I know sounds bizarre. he has 2 sides to him. But I left him to have a baby. After I had her it was really diffiuclt, alone and with no money and so for 2 years we talked about me going back - it was like I wanted him and didn't want him. When I tried to go back to him, I was deeply miserable/homesick/felt trapped/felt worthless etc.

There's so much of he story. I know i should have stopped it, instead of being indecisiveHe kept giving em chances but I would never go back.

He calls me a pathalogical liar/mentally unstable and therefore unfit mother. I am worried that he may get custody becasue

1. He is a doctor - a very charming one- most would never believe the way he was with me. he is pushign this idea that i am mentally unstable
2. He can get a very good lawyer - I can not - I struggle financially (he gave me no money for her since she was born and he made very few efforts to visit her)
3. I have been seeing a counsellor mainly because of my low self-esteem froim him - she thinks I had PND.
4. I did lie to him. There were 100s of times I said I would go back and never turned up. WHen I did, I invented big lies to get away - it was like escaping includig my father being very ill. Sick, I know, but I was desperate to get away. SO, yes, i lied a lot.
5. Maybe it seems that I was mentally unstable - when he was moving on and looking to date, I would beg him back - I didn't want to lose him and then when he accepted me back, I didn't go! I used to invent stories.
6. for the first 4 months i found it diffiuclt with DD - i was on my own and I didnt reallybond with her. I wanted him back - to help me - i felt v alone and lost - I might have written (evidence) in emails to him that I didn't want her - that I wanted him., etc. I didnt bond with her straightaway - I looked after her as best as possible and i thought she was beautiful etc., but i did at tiems wish to have my old life back. i might have written that to him. since after that i fell completely in love with her. she is the best thing in my life and without her i would not want to exist.

Should I start worrying a lot? I am feeling sick.

If the allegation is made to SS that the DM has severe (enough to warrant concern and interfere with her ability to parent) MH problems then these will be assessed within a general assessment under CAFCASS or a challange of residency.

A shared residency order is only usually made after a prolonged contact period as said before this can start off as immediate contact via a web cam, but the whole build up of the process will take time, by that time the child may be old enough to decide for herself.

Unless there is a threat of kidnap or abuse/neglect there should not be a block put on contact.