To tell my four year old that being her friend isn't the most important thing?

[ButteryPie]

We've had this conversation SO MUCH over the last couple of months.

DD1: "Can I do/have ?"
Me: "No, because

It was the wankiness. I would smirk I think. Sorry!

Oh well, at least I know!

at explaining the capitalist patriarchy to your 1 YO.

The role of a friend is different to that of a parent, I'm friendly with DD1 but not her mate.

Your DD just sounds like she's repeating how she talks at school, I'm forever telling my 10 YO I'm not 10 and we're not in the playground so could she stop talking to me as if we were.

I do the over explaining when I'm bored thing. I have no illusion that she actually cares, but hey, it stops my brain dying!

Mind you, that's not say i'm not guilty of it myself... I was explaining some science thing that DS wad regretting asking about on the bus once, and a man leant over and said, smirking, "most enlightening"...

I keep posting like this and not answering the bloody question.

Anyway - No YANBU! I think you are being perfectly reasonable in fact.

Although I would giggle if I heard you because it is funny!

"I don't care" would have sufficed.

It will stand her in good stead when little Queenbees in school say she's not their friend.

She probably stopped listening after "I'd like to be your friend" which is why she was so confused.

Definitely the mc wankiness, sorry.

The response I used to get off my mum to the 'You're not my friend' thing was 'OK' - and that's what DD will get too.

I just spat my tea at the screen uopn reading the sentence

I honestly can't work out if she was shocked at my lack of care that my daughter isn't my friend, or at the sheer mc wankiness of my last utterance

Thanks for cheering me up

I'm enjoying dd 3, tell me I'm her best friend cause I know it won't last

What is MC wanky? It sounds like a bad name for a DJ.

A tad wanky, but absolutely RIGHT! That other mum will have to explain the same thing when her DC's much older and better equipped to answer back

Very at explaining the concept of the capitalist patriarchy to your baby! Nothing like starting when they're young ...

I don't bother with the wanky explanations, but when my two scream that I am not their friend I just say "no, of course not. I'm your Mummy." She once tried to tell me that I wasn't her mummy any more and I was delighted to inform her that "ha, I will ALWAYS be your mummy and there's nothing you can do about it"

the funny looks is becuase you're being one of those "I must explain everything in great detail to my children"

whereas it should go

DD1: "Can I do/have ?"
You: "No"

and ignore

DD1 but I'm not your friend
You: Oh well I still love you

and ignore

your problem is the endless conversation you're getting into IMO

Yanbu. I get the same looks chatting to a 46yo man in a wheelchair

Do you remember when your mum said 'because I said so' this is a situiation for repeating it!

Dd: You're not my best friend ANY MORE
Me: Ah, well

My own personal favourite to the "you're not my friend anymore" line is "That's okay, it's my job to be your mother, not your best friend. Now lets do xyz" and change the subject.

I am saving the ''I'm not your friend, I'm your mother' discussion til DD (4) is a bit older.

Currently I find saying 'that's fine cos I'm not sure I want to be friends with some who is shouting at me and being silly!' quite effective!

Ha ha

Thank god other DD age 4 are like mine.
I cannot bear the theatrical foot stamping and shouting, inability to respond to polite orders of any kind and the giggling silliness shouting bum bum poo at me.
When does it end? What does 5 entail?

You are absolutely right. Our role as parents is not to be our children's best mate. You can't be their friend and their parent. (while they are children at least) The two are incompatible and trying to be their mate means you have a harder job being their parent. I think that if you try to make sure your child likes you all the time, you aren't doing the right thing. I mean, for a start it means giving them their own way all the time, which is a ruddy great big mistake! You have to accept that they will bloody HATE you sometimes, and that's ok. Because you are being their parent and what you do, you do because you love them.

So I think you've got this spot on.

Probably the wankiness, but as has already been said long complicated sentences to children who don't understand them are a vital tool in the fight against brainrot.

I do the over-explaining as well, particularly after being faced with the same question or situation for the tenth+ time in a day. It's far more entertaining for myself because I know they already tuned me out the first few times they asked.

However, to the 'not your friend' I would keep it short and sweet. To my daughter going through an 'it's not fair stage', I typically say 'We're not talking about being fair, we're talking about XYZ. Now, come here" and either change the subject or enforce what I want her to do/not do.