To find this utterly tasteless?

[LuckySoph]

My 14 year old niece referring to her unborn child as 'the cautionary fail' after some stupid joke in a film she's seen.. I've tried talking to her about it and my sister but they refer to me as 'the prude'! Every time I hear her say it I wish I could just slap her with a kipper grab her by the shoulders and give her a good shake. She ruined her life and is not taking it seriously at all!

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Yes but not everybody has the opportunity to 'make good' and rally from life events. I also think that there's a world of difference between pregnancy at 17 and at 14.

Other people's experiences aren't helpful at all, I find, because everybody's circumstances are different and I find that many people tend to gloss over the bad bits because they think it reflects on them.

I hope this girl has a good support network around her because she is going to need it. She's thrown away her teens and taken away some of her choices and I feel sad about that.

[spookshowangel]

your right lying but i did say that in my original post she can take the challenge and make the best of it. of course get pregnant at such a young age is not a good thing but it is what she chooses to make of it. my little after rant there was just because i always flash back to when people were at me when i got pregnant (i get a bit fuck you) and it was hard work to keep your confidence lvls up with every one effectively telling you, you couldn't do it and that was at 17 so it is prob much worse for her at 14.

[LuckySoph]

My point exactly lyingwitch. I love her so I truly hope she'll grow out of this phase in which her sole ambition is to live off the state. I hope she does grow up, be a strong woman and make a good life for herself and the baby. I'm not saying she won't 'come good', for want of a better phrase. It just makes me sad that she'll miss doing things while she's young and it annoys me that she doesn't realise it yet and just thinks it's funny and cool that she'll get money and a flat out of a baby..

[CoffeeIsMyFriend]

I think you need to tell your niece that the 'state' wont give her a penny until she is 16. Her mother will be expected to support her and the new baby.

No house, no money (except CB) no nothing.

[LuckySoph]

panda she is copying Juno but she hasn't misquoted, she's just adapted it to suit her and her friends because they're always calling things a 'fail'..

[Jointhedotties]

Lying witch , I agree totally.

I would be utterly devastated if my DD got pregnant at 14 and I would do everything in my power to encourage her to terminate. She has her life in front of her, a good life, a life of academic achievement ,a good career and a life of potentially great things.

I think getting pregnant as a child of fourteen is a hideously monumental fuck up for a child in my family.

And I don't give a flying fuck how narrowminded or right wing or just plain decently old fashioned some of you think that is.

[mrjellykeepskidsquiet]

I think lying and jointhedotties both make good points.

The fact that your sister finds the situation amusing worries me a bit tbh, won't be so funny when she is providing for the baby because the government won't give her a penny until she is 16.

[spookshowangel]

and convincing some one to have an abortion against their wishes?

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

She is pregnant, she is having the baby.

Its done. Everyone needs to get on with it.

[Jointhedotties]

I have no idea if it would ever be against her wishes ( and I hope I don't ever have to find out1) but if I found out my underage child was pregnant my first bit of advice as a mother would be to terminate.
Although even at 12 we raise DD to value herself and her future very highly and we do stress that children should be conceived in a stable relationship when you are a grown , settled adult and that getting pregnant before than can fuck up your life.
As they say, ambition is the greatest contraception.

[Rosierubies]

I had my first child at fifteen, he is now eleven. I am a teacher and studying for an Msc my husband; his father, is an accountant and (gasps of shock) we both pay taxes! We have had three subsequent children, none of whom are social pariahs or small demonic hooligans. I laugh now and laughed then about my situation, of course I didn't plan to fall pregnant at fifteen but when it's laugh or cry a positive attitude was the only way forward. We still joke about it, life isn't what we planned but there you go... That's life!

[Jointhedotties]

And it's great it worked out for you Rosierubies but you are in the minority.

[Rosierubies]

However if any of my children were in an unwanted/teenage pregnancy scenario I would advise a termination. I love my children but do at times regret the life I could have had, I am (and always was) personally ambitious but have had to accept many limitations. We talk to the children about this, our life choices don't need to be thiers.

[Jointhedotties]

Thesecondcoming, you make good points.
I wonder how many children are less bothered about getting pregnant because they know their parents will just simply accept it and offer unconditional and financial support?

I have no doubt whatsoever that one reason I didn't get pregnant was that I knew how horrified my parents would have been and it was just too great a risk. Heck, I didn't lose my virginity until university .

[Rosierubies]

I'm only in the minority because the majority of teen pregnancy occur in chaotic families, outcomes for children are dictated by social deprivation and mothers education levels not age.

[Jointhedotties]

Rosie , thanks for being so honest

[Rosierubies]

Honesty is the only policy...good thing you can't see me in rl, twenty six with huge, towering eleven year old son, we get more than a few curious glances, add the other three to the mix and the judgements just pile up. I have to resist dressing for work on my days off just so that people will take me seriously, I omit my age most of the time 'yes don't I look good for my age' is just ambiguous enough.

[MrMan]

I had a uncle who lost all his life savings when his bank went bust. At the time he said "at least I don't need to worry about the interest rate any more."

Sometimes humour helps us cope. Could that be the case here, OP?

[spookshowangel]

god i was terrified of telling my mum, she all but demanded i have an abortion we hardly spoke for a year. i was pretty devastated by it. but can also say i didnt expect any help from my mum and dad and didnt get any either. though that is prob not always he case.

[spookshowangel]

hahaha rosie when people say to me you dont look old enough to have 3 kids i just say i'm not.

[Rosierubies]

Ha ha...I am too weak, I hate the inevitable questions including the invariable 'do they have the same dad' agghhh!!

[WriterofDreams]

Rosie I hope you don't mind me butting in, but you mentioned you talk to the children about your life choices, can I ask in what way? Do you tell them you were too young to have children or that you should have had children when you were older? I only ask because my mum once told me that I wasn't planned and she should have waited longer to have me. She felt she was being honest, but what she didn't think about was that it was my life she was talking about, and that if she'd waited it wouldn't have been me that she had had. It really hurt me and I still think about it a lot now.

OP wading in and telling her how to handle the situation emotionally is not helpful. Sitting around frowning about it won't make the situation any better. Yes there are tough times ahead but part of those tough times comes from the judgement of others IMO and their expectations of how you "should" handle things. Allow her to lead the way and be there for her rather than judgemental of her.

[lovesicecream]

Spooks I say the same! People are always commenting that I don't look old enough to have a 6ft3 16 year old son! I had him at 16 and was lucky enough to have alot of family support which enabled me to carry on with my education as well as work. When he was little I'd take him to birthday parties he'd been invited to and people would ask if he was my brother! I still remember the judgemental looks they gave me, which I must say hurt a little, as a teen mum you know what people think of you! I decided when my son was a baby that I would work hard , get a good job so that even though I was a young ( and after the first year) single parent my son could be proud of me! Being a teen mum can be challenging but it doesn't have to be the end of the world

[LuckySoph]

Thanks for all your comments. She does have a lot of support. She has my sister earmarked for babysitting duty whenever she wants and is under the impression she can use all her cousins baby bits (crib, bouncer, steriliser etc). My DB has a 2 year old DS so my sister has asked for all the newborn gear, I just hope the baby isn't a girl! I suppose she could be using humour as a coping mechanism. I asked her if she was planning to breast feed and she said "what with?" and pulled up her top to show me how flat chested she still is. She thought it was funny. Made me want to cry. I'm taking her out today to have a girly day and buy her some maternity stuff for when she starts to get big.