To find this utterly tasteless?

[LuckySoph]

My 14 year old niece referring to her unborn child as 'the cautionary fail' after some stupid joke in a film she's seen.. I've tried talking to her about it and my sister but they refer to me as 'the prude'! Every time I hear her say it I wish I could just slap her with a kipper grab her by the shoulders and give her a good shake. She ruined her life and is not taking it seriously at all!

[fortyplus]

It won't ruin her life but is sure as hell will ruin her social life!

I know 3 teens who were pg under 16 - one of whom had a baby at 15 and went on to have another one little more than a year later. Fantastic supportive family but who wants to spend all their spare time with a baby and your mum & dad when you're 16 or 17? Teens should be out having a great time with their mates and if that includes having loving protected sex that's fine.

I'm not judgy about it but I do think it's a terrible shame - it puts their lives on hold at a time when they should be getting ready to fly the nest, not being tied at home looking after a baby.

[ApocalypseCheeseToastie]

Poor kid, she's trying to laugh through the situation.

Will say tho, 11 years ago it was me strangling myself with my judgy knickers and glaring down my nose at a 14 year old cousin in the same situation, those knickers have now been choked on. She's had a few bumps along the way, even rejected the baby at one point, but she's stayed in education and has worked since she was 15. She's off to study law this year.

Whereas I dropped out of college when ds started having problems (he has ASD) and basically sat on my arse for 12 years whilst dp worked. I'd say out of the two of us, i'm the biggest loser by a mile !

[spookshowangel]

"with what" hahahaha. thats really lovely of you lucky. avoid mother care, vile maternity clothes yuk

[LuckySoph]

Thanks for all your comments. She does have a lot of support. She has my sister earmarked for babysitting duty whenever she wants and is under the impression she can use all her cousins baby bits (crib, bouncer, steriliser etc). My DB has a 2 year old DS so my sister has asked for all the newborn gear, I just hope the baby isn't a girl! I suppose she could be using humour as a coping mechanism. I asked her if she was planning to breast feed and she said "what with?" and pulled up her top to show me how flat chested she still is. She thought it was funny. Made me want to cry. I'm taking her out today to have a girly day and buy her some maternity stuff for when she starts to get big.

[lovesicecream]

Spooks I say the same! People are always commenting that I don't look old enough to have a 6ft3 16 year old son! I had him at 16 and was lucky enough to have alot of family support which enabled me to carry on with my education as well as work. When he was little I'd take him to birthday parties he'd been invited to and people would ask if he was my brother! I still remember the judgemental looks they gave me, which I must say hurt a little, as a teen mum you know what people think of you! I decided when my son was a baby that I would work hard , get a good job so that even though I was a young ( and after the first year) single parent my son could be proud of me! Being a teen mum can be challenging but it doesn't have to be the end of the world

[WriterofDreams]

Rosie I hope you don't mind me butting in, but you mentioned you talk to the children about your life choices, can I ask in what way? Do you tell them you were too young to have children or that you should have had children when you were older? I only ask because my mum once told me that I wasn't planned and she should have waited longer to have me. She felt she was being honest, but what she didn't think about was that it was my life she was talking about, and that if she'd waited it wouldn't have been me that she had had. It really hurt me and I still think about it a lot now.

OP wading in and telling her how to handle the situation emotionally is not helpful. Sitting around frowning about it won't make the situation any better. Yes there are tough times ahead but part of those tough times comes from the judgement of others IMO and their expectations of how you "should" handle things. Allow her to lead the way and be there for her rather than judgemental of her.

[Rosierubies]

Ha ha...I am too weak, I hate the inevitable questions including the invariable 'do they have the same dad' agghhh!!

[spookshowangel]

hahaha rosie when people say to me you dont look old enough to have 3 kids i just say i'm not.

[spookshowangel]

god i was terrified of telling my mum, she all but demanded i have an abortion we hardly spoke for a year. i was pretty devastated by it. but can also say i didnt expect any help from my mum and dad and didnt get any either. though that is prob not always he case.

[MrMan]

I had a uncle who lost all his life savings when his bank went bust. At the time he said "at least I don't need to worry about the interest rate any more."

Sometimes humour helps us cope. Could that be the case here, OP?

[Rosierubies]

Honesty is the only policy...good thing you can't see me in rl, twenty six with huge, towering eleven year old son, we get more than a few curious glances, add the other three to the mix and the judgements just pile up. I have to resist dressing for work on my days off just so that people will take me seriously, I omit my age most of the time 'yes don't I look good for my age' is just ambiguous enough.

[Jointhedotties]

Rosie , thanks for being so honest

[Rosierubies]

I'm only in the minority because the majority of teen pregnancy occur in chaotic families, outcomes for children are dictated by social deprivation and mothers education levels not age.

[Jointhedotties]

Thesecondcoming, you make good points.
I wonder how many children are less bothered about getting pregnant because they know their parents will just simply accept it and offer unconditional and financial support?

I have no doubt whatsoever that one reason I didn't get pregnant was that I knew how horrified my parents would have been and it was just too great a risk. Heck, I didn't lose my virginity until university .

[Rosierubies]

However if any of my children were in an unwanted/teenage pregnancy scenario I would advise a termination. I love my children but do at times regret the life I could have had, I am (and always was) personally ambitious but have had to accept many limitations. We talk to the children about this, our life choices don't need to be thiers.

[Jointhedotties]

And it's great it worked out for you Rosierubies but you are in the minority.

[Rosierubies]

I had my first child at fifteen, he is now eleven. I am a teacher and studying for an Msc my husband; his father, is an accountant and (gasps of shock) we both pay taxes! We have had three subsequent children, none of whom are social pariahs or small demonic hooligans. I laugh now and laughed then about my situation, of course I didn't plan to fall pregnant at fifteen but when it's laugh or cry a positive attitude was the only way forward. We still joke about it, life isn't what we planned but there you go... That's life!

[Jointhedotties]

I have no idea if it would ever be against her wishes ( and I hope I don't ever have to find out1) but if I found out my underage child was pregnant my first bit of advice as a mother would be to terminate.
Although even at 12 we raise DD to value herself and her future very highly and we do stress that children should be conceived in a stable relationship when you are a grown , settled adult and that getting pregnant before than can fuck up your life.
As they say, ambition is the greatest contraception.

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

She is pregnant, she is having the baby.

Its done. Everyone needs to get on with it.

[spookshowangel]

and convincing some one to have an abortion against their wishes?

[mrjellykeepskidsquiet]

I think lying and jointhedotties both make good points.

The fact that your sister finds the situation amusing worries me a bit tbh, won't be so funny when she is providing for the baby because the government won't give her a penny until she is 16.

[Jointhedotties]

Lying witch , I agree totally.

I would be utterly devastated if my DD got pregnant at 14 and I would do everything in my power to encourage her to terminate. She has her life in front of her, a good life, a life of academic achievement ,a good career and a life of potentially great things.

I think getting pregnant as a child of fourteen is a hideously monumental fuck up for a child in my family.

And I don't give a flying fuck how narrowminded or right wing or just plain decently old fashioned some of you think that is.

[LuckySoph]

panda she is copying Juno but she hasn't misquoted, she's just adapted it to suit her and her friends because they're always calling things a 'fail'..

[CoffeeIsMyFriend]

I think you need to tell your niece that the 'state' wont give her a penny until she is 16. Her mother will be expected to support her and the new baby.

No house, no money (except CB) no nothing.