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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to only buy ONE GIFT???

90 replies

Sewmuchtodo · 12/07/2011 21:43

DC1 has been invited to a birthday party on Friday. Birthday child (8) is having a joint party with their sibling (5) as their birthdays are a few weeks apart.

DC is friends with one of the children and says hi to the other but birthday child(ren)s mum seems to think that both DC's will recieve a gift from each person invited......AIBU to think that if my DC take a card for each and a gift for the child DC is friends with then that is enough?

OP posts:
Punkatheart · 12/07/2011 21:48

Why not give a gift they can share - like a game? Regardless, I think both children have birthdays and it is their joint party.

CandiceMariePratt · 12/07/2011 21:48

I think you should take a little something for the other child

givemesomecandy · 12/07/2011 21:50

I'd take a card for both children but only buy a gift for your child's friend.

TyMinisterForMagic · 12/07/2011 21:50

I think you should take 2 smaller gifts, then the dc wont get jealous, especially as the one you are thinking of not buying for is only 5 and it wont cost you anymore.

messagetoyourudy · 12/07/2011 21:51

Yes, I would say thats enough - my DS1 went to a twin's birthday party the other day. Only one twin is in his class the other is in a different class, he doesn't even really play with the twin in his class let alone the other one - so I only got 1 present. It was a big party in a hall over 40 children were invited so it would have been crazy if everyone had bought 2 presents!

Maybe that's just me.

onepieceofcremeegg · 12/07/2011 21:51

I do think the mother is being a bit "grabby" - bad form to even be hinting that you expect presents for either of the children imo.

However, if I could afford it I would buy a small-ish gift for each of them. I try to limit party presents to about a £5. (unless very close friend). Something like a t-shirt, a book, or even a £5 in a card.

amIbeingdaft · 12/07/2011 21:51

Wow, could you really walk into a joint party without a present for one of the hosts, and not feel even the slightest bit mean?

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 21:52

I would take something for each child or something which they could share, such as has been suggested.

I'm curious to know what makes you say that the mum seems to think that you will buy for both? It seems very rude to me to assume that anyone will get a gift, Yes, it's customary, but it's presumptuous to assume.

mo3d · 12/07/2011 21:52

I agree with punk a game they can play with together sorts the problem.

pingu2209 · 12/07/2011 21:54

When I started a thread about this I was shot down in flames. My view is you only take 1 present to 1 party - especially if your child is only friends with one of the children who is having a joint party.

It is when your child is invited to a party where it is shared with 4 children - do you take 4 presents then?

Hulababy · 12/07/2011 21:54

DD has been to similar parties for siblings. We only take a card and gift for the child DD is friends with, not the other one.

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 21:54

PS - if they don't already have it, Twister might be an idea for the pair of them.

Hulababy · 12/07/2011 21:55

If DD was friends with both children then I would take a gift for each - thinking of classmates sharing a joint party.

thursday · 12/07/2011 21:56

he's only been invited by the child he's friends with, i'd only get one gift. no way i'd get one for both unless they were family friends and i knew the younger, party sharing, sibling well. grabby.

AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 21:56

What is it that makes you think the mum is expecting a present for both children?

Because that would be ridiculous, your DS isn't friends with her 5 YO.

Maybe she's under the impression you're made of money?

AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 21:57

Sorry, I made an assuption your DS was friends with the 8 YO, and you've not said that in your OP.

amistillsexy · 12/07/2011 21:57

At times like these, Tesco is your friend. They always have crappy toys in the sale/ reduced.
Failing that, go to the baking isle and put together a 'baking set' of wooden spoons, cookie cutters, bowl,etc, and give it as a joint gift.

amistillsexy · 12/07/2011 21:58

isle? Is Tesco an island now? I know it's wrong but can't think of the right spelling! AAAARRRGH!

Original poster
Sewmuchtodo · 12/07/2011 22:00

The reason I think the mum believes each child will recieve a gift is that she said the following when helping her oldest DC hand out the invitations....."Oh im so glad everyone seems to be able to come. You will need to remember and play nice with the little ones and say thanks when they give you your present!"

I do feel mean but this woman really does take a rise. She turns up at parties with both DC's when only one has been invited (DC1's last party was the cinema and then lunch at f&b......I had budgeted for 8kids....NOT 9!), asks for the extra party bag so her Dc does not feel left out etc.

I just feel a bit annoyed at her attitude.

OP posts:
whackamole · 12/07/2011 22:00

aisle Grin

I would only buy a present for the child that actually did the inviting.

whackamole · 12/07/2011 22:01

And BTW, she sounds like a total grasping madam.

MirandaGoshawk · 12/07/2011 22:04

My twins had a joint party every year. Thye are boy & girl so had different sets of close friends, although all the guests knew one another. I was always surprised when, for example, DS's friends brought a present for DD as well. Some did, but most didn't.

So I would take a present for the friend & card for the bro/sis. Defo NOT a joint present Shock !

FakePlasticTrees · 12/07/2011 22:06

I would get something little for the other child, just because I think a child should get a gift from someone who's come to their birthday party. You can get something for a couple of quid from Tescos or maybe a little book (they normally have offers on children's books).

If you did'nt want to, you wouldn't be unreasonable, but you would be unkind. (Moral high ground or happy birthday child?)

FabbyChic · 12/07/2011 22:07

I would only buy a gift for the child whose party you were invited to i.e if your son is 8 you buy for the 8 year old and just a card for the other child,

amistillsexy · 12/07/2011 22:07

[hgrin] thanks Whackamole

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