to be really fucked and fucked off

[TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino]

neil
duke
hurt kids
hole in heart
pain
guilt
pain guilt x100

fuck it all
I can't do it anymore

I'm giving up
fuck everything
everthing is so corrupt
everything is so sad
and unfair

fuck life
I can't get on top of it
it's too much

end fucking of.
fullstop.
finished.
.
.

?????

Hug for you
x

fullstop x1000
its more than I can take

hello. can I help? Do you want to talk about it some more? x

Trin are you drinking? Are you on your own? You are getting on top of it, I read you posted not many days ago saying your girls were healing. You are having a bump but you are getting on top, you've come so far

Don't know what else to say or do.

it's a long road, it will hurt but Trin you can get there.

So sorry everything seems to be going wrong. Have you got any RL support to get you through tonight?

Come on Trin, you can and will get through this. Don't give up.

Who is Neil and Duke?

drinking check
smoking check
argued with dp check
not able to remember what we were arguing about check
guilt check
hurt check
slight panic check

I can understand why you're in pain, but why the guilt? You didn't ask for any of this. (I'm a name changer who has been around for years)

Please talk some more.

Hey Trin, I've not.been around.so.much recently, so I guess i've missed.something.
Still think of you often though.
Whatever is happening just now, you can get through it.
Because you are a strong woman.

If you can't remember what you were arguing about then don't worry about it. Talk to him in the morning and everything will be fine.

hey girders
your name makes me feel warm
4 oclock showers
butterlyeffect, where are you?

Whatever you're going through, you'll get through I'm certain. Life can feel so bleak at times I know, I honestly do, but you will come out the other side. Can I help at all?

Trin, they'll all tell you on here that I'm the biggest critic and bitch going about rehoming dogs and that either, if they're being charitable, I'm not one for pulling my punches ever, or, that I'm a fucking cow. Both are right... so why haven't I done it with you lovey?

Because you've done the best thing you could, the most unselfish thing in the world, for Duke! Something I couldn't put my hand on my heart about and say that I'd do the same without hesitation despite all my gobbiness. I'd be thinking selfishly... YOU HAVEN'T. You've been through hell and back and STILL you're being kind and selfless. Give yourself a break, darling, please, you don't deserve to be punishing yourself.

I'm feeling angry with things/people that I can't actually be angry with
I'm sad, deeply sad
I want my dog back
I want Neil back

but then I wouldn't be with Dp
what a headfuck
I love Neil
I love dp

I want my dog back
I want my girls to be secure and happy

dogsbest thankyou

beertricks, thankyou

Your girls will get there, and you'll get there. It's still such early days - it really is.

You did the right thing for Duke and if Neil could tell you that then he would. He's on a cloud somewhere glad that you were kind to his dog.
And glad that you're with someone nice - your DP was a friend of his, is that right? The argument will pass, or it won't - either way you'll get through it stronger and a better person for having had the experience.

Butterfly is still here, just under many different names - I struggle to keep up! - but you'll find her in feminists.
Keep your chin up trin, you can get through. (and the world doesn't look better through the bottom of a glass, so all in moderation, perhaps? )

How's your draining board? ;-)

I'm ok
I'm g ogn to bed
I'v drinking ewater

Im srryr
I am realal y sorry
I' ok
goood ingiht
thnayou
thankhyou
thnkaqoyu

Bigger hugs than you could imagine sent your way, Trinity.

I wish I could make it easier for you lovey, I really do.

Aw Trin don't feel guilty for being with Dp (I assume this is the guilt). You will always love Neil but you of course are allowed to move on. Please allow yourself this happiness