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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect 6 year olds to say please and thank you?

47 replies

PanicMode · 10/07/2011 21:58

We have just had a birthday party for my DD - a pony party for 10 children which was a big hit and great fun. However not one child said please or thank you to any of the girls helping with the ponies, the teacher, or DH and myself when we were passing round the sandwiches/cakes/drinks etc.

AIBU to expect a 'yes, please' or a thank you when offered a drink/biscuit/cake?

Only 1 child said thank you at the end (unprompted), and most of them snatched party bags. Is 6 too young to expect some courtesy?!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 10/07/2011 22:00

No. This really gets on my tits.

But I have to say, none of them would have got anything from me without using their manners even if I had to prompt them continually.

faintpositive · 10/07/2011 22:00

NO YANBU
BUT
it doesnt mean that they are rude! My ds is 8 and he KNOWS he must say please & thanks BUT i often have to prompt him even now. He just gets carried away and he is very shy.

faintpositive · 10/07/2011 22:01

I really dont mind other adults correcting him as i expect manners at all times form him;

AgentZigzag · 10/07/2011 22:01

For getting a drink and biscuit, yes of course they should be saying please/thank you, but in the excitement of the moment they might forget.

A 6 YO might need reminding to say thank you at the end, but that's up to the parents to take them to the hosts to say it.

Numberfour · 10/07/2011 22:01

Annoys me no end, too. I constantly remind my 6 yr old DS to say please and thank you - both to me and to others!!

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 10/07/2011 22:03

YANBU.
DS is 3.7 and he knows to say thank you when people do stuff for him, or bring him a drink or food. He is also being taught not to snatch. I would be very ticked off with him indeed if he got to 6 and behaved as you have described.

But there are a lot of parents out there now who see no merit in teaching their children manners, some of them on MN.

pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:03

Yes you would expect a non SN 6 year old to say please and thank you.

AuntiePickleBottom · 10/07/2011 22:03

yanbu, manner don't cost nothing.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 10/07/2011 22:04

BTW, he does need reminding sometimes! He's not that good Wink

FunnysInTheGarden · 10/07/2011 22:04

YAB a bit U to expect a 6 year old to say thank you in the midst of a party. My 5.5 year old will say it often, but I sometimes have to prompt him

squeakytoy · 10/07/2011 22:04

I would expect a 2yr old to be able to know to say please and thankyou.. never mind a 6yo.

PumpkinBones · 10/07/2011 22:05

At a party, my 5 year old would probably need prompting to say please / thank you for food and drink, but not for the party bag, and he has been drilled to say thank you at then end of the party. But a pony party is especially exciting and I can see it might make the guests a bit more in need of prompting that usual! And 6 is still quite little - I would expect it consistent and unprompted at 8.

pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:06

My ASD, social communication difficulty and speech and lang delay dd aged 4 needs prompting practically all the time. I get so Blush

thefirstMrsDeVere · 10/07/2011 22:15

piglet I would say that most 4 year olds need a fair bit of prompting so dont be Blush.

Besides I never get annoyed a child needed a bit of prompting.

My DS2 is 8 and also has ASD and I do prompt him but I do to his brothers as well. 'What do you say?' works a treat.

I say it in a nice way. Children do need reminding because a. they might not think what has been done for them is worth much (someone giving them something they dont want Grin or b. they are soooo pleased and excited at what has happened they forget their manners.

pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:20

thefirst I have to do it most time, sometimes her emotions get the better of her, and she screams ''i want milk' like a baby, and I have to (use the Hanen technique) and provide the language models of ' I want milk please' when she cries.

pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:21

When we go to parties, I have to remind her to thank the party girl/boy when we leave and to say hello to people

Original poster
PanicMode · 10/07/2011 22:38

I wouldn't expect a 4 year old to do so unprompted (although mine for the most part did at that age), but at 6 I would have thought it possible!

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe80nappies · 10/07/2011 22:40

My 2 year old manages his please and thank yous 90% of the time, so I would definitely expect a 6 year old to!

Pelagia · 10/07/2011 22:43

I find at parties most 6yo are v capable but tend to get excited and forget their Ps&Qs. I make a huge fuss of the first one to say please/thank you 'Oh what lovely manners, what a beautiful thank you that was!!!" and then find the rest magically follow suit...

gizzy1973 · 10/07/2011 22:43

I would expect a 6 year old to say please and thank you although manners can be forgotten at parties etc
I expect my 18 month old to try and say please and thankyou when prompted so hopefully he will remember when he is 3 or 4

pranma · 10/07/2011 22:46

I would expect it of any verbal child over 3.I would say,'What do you say?' if they didn't-but I am old......

graceandbeauty · 10/07/2011 22:46

YANBU.

I tend to hold onto things until they say thankyou - a little bit of wicked witch eye contact at the same time works well too.

At DS' last birthday party, after grabbing a party bag one boy came back with his mum and she said he wanted a different one. I lied and said they were all gone. Even better (worse), I was once asked for a party bag a few days after a party, by the mother of a child who had not even been at the party, and had not told me they were not coming. He didn't get one.

pigletmania · 10/07/2011 22:48

grace I am appealed at the manners of some, with poor role models, its no wonder some kids lack basic manners these days.

AlabamaWorley · 10/07/2011 22:49

YANBU. My 2.1 year old say please (pwease) and thank you (sank you) 99% of the time. If I prompt him the rest of the time, he always says it.

He does however think that by saying please or thank you he gets what he wants whenever he wants it (I guess I inadvertantly taught him that Blush). So when I try to change his nappy he say "no thank you". When he doesn't want to go to bed he says "out Mummmmyyyy pwwwweeaaase" - of course it just melts my heart and he knows it!

worraliberty · 10/07/2011 22:50

Having said that there are so many adults who don't say please and thank you...I expect it's not a big deal to some.

It's like a second language in this house...just something you automatically say when someone hands you something. I mean to the point where someone says "can you put this in the bin for me please?" They hand you the rubbish and you automatically thank them...then think 'Hold on, wtf am I thanking them' Lol

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