AIBU in thinking my parents should see my children more than twice a year.

[violett]

Sorry, I know it's yet another thread about grandparents, but I feel quite upset. My parents live 3 miles away, fit and healthy and in early retirement although they don't go away , they have a strict routine such as food shopping on a thursday which they don't like to deviate from. They have seen my 3 children twice this year, Christmas and Easter and this was at a family get together at someone elses house.If I suggest meeting up say in October, My mum will say oh don't worry because we will see you at Christmas and if I suggest meeting up in January it will be , oh don't worry , I'm sure will see you at Easter.
I think it's a bit wierd really, and feel sorry for my children as they keep asking why don't they see their grandparents.My PIl are normal and they do see them every weekend.I just feel sad and I know it's their loss, but I can't help it.I know we all think are children are great but I have my neighbours offering to babysit or pick them up from school because they say they are such lovely children and I just think how much they are missing.They have never babysat, spent one to one just chatting, gone to school plays, sports days ..they don't even act interested when I bring photos.when my DH bumped into my Mum at the shops with DD after her ballet exam she said she hated her hair ( it was in a ballet bun ) and after 30 seconds looking at photos on DH phone announced I can't look anymore and made her excuses.When our family meets up with my sisters children ( who she does have staying overnight occasionally, which upsets me ) she will make comments such as whos currently the best behaved or will make little comments if she feels one of mine has said something he shouldn't.She will also only chat to mine for 20 seconds and then come over to me and say Oh, I found out lots of secrets about you.I just feel upset, but do you think I should just move on and ignore them ?

Jesus christ, why do some people even bother having children in the 1st place, seeing as they have such a negative view of it?
OP I grew up with Grandparents that didn't care about us. Visits were all one sided, it was my parents duty as children to visit their parents. I didn't attend any of my Grandparents funerals and don't miss them in the slightest. What can I say? Some people are just shit grandparents just as some people are shit parents. I agree with diddl. I would try not to force the issue, just try and find better things to do with your children. The children won't miss them.

How odd that DBF (and the Op's and JugsOf's parents) ever had children in the first place - as they seem to have seen it only as a horrible chore to be over and done with as soon as possible so that they can have an actual 'life'. And of course their children will know/sense exactly what a burden these parents consider them to be, and it will affect their self-esteem and their own future relationships. I think (hope) that most parents find raising children to be a wonderful experience; even though there are ups and downs, it is, overall, fantastic and it is a wonderful life (not a life-on-hold). As children grow into adults, of course the parents will be less involved, but to want so little to do with your children's own precious children would be a double rejection and even more hurtful.

I know we were wanted (at least at the beginning!) but the reality was a hard slog and if my mum found it difficult to the point of depression throughout our childhood, she wasn't the only one, as the sky high valium prescriptions issued will testify (anybody else studied sociology?!).

How many on here can truly say that they are loving/indulgent to other people's children?

If you have endless patience and can chuckle when little Tom won't stop poking his sister or smile picking up crumbs left on the lounge carpet or sofa.. you get my drift?

I know many of you will be indignant that it doesn't matter or is easily dealt with and I am one of them, but others are not. Especially the ones who like to have a showcase home like my parents.

For the record I can't wait for the day I'll be a grandma.

GC are really other people´s children, are they?

But I suppose it can follow that bad parents make bad GPs.

I can´t wait to have all of the fun & none of the expense/responsibility

DBF But surely most people don't view having children as a hiatus from their normal lives?