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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never speak to my mum or her husband ever again

60 replies

gerafle · 09/07/2011 21:05

Went over to my mums for a barbecue today and halfway through he just started having a go at me and kept being nasty , he said that I was carrying more timber than the amazon rainforest, my hair was terrible and that I had enough makeup on to paint their kitchen. My brother told him to leave me alone and he then said to him that he should "pull his tongue out of his sisters arse". My mum who was quite drunk found the whole thing hilarious, right now I feel like I never want to speak to them ever again. Angry

OP posts:
Glitterknickaz · 09/07/2011 23:33

YANBU.
They're fuckwads.

nolidio · 09/07/2011 23:46

What he said was pretty horrible but to cut them off on this alone would be premature, I'd see how they behave towards you at their next meeting before doing anything.

WinkyWinkola · 09/07/2011 23:52

Drunkeness is no excuse for such vile behaviour.

I'd find it really hard to go near people like that tbh. I'd ditch.

yikert · 09/07/2011 23:57

YANBU their behaviour was unacceptable and you shouldn't tolerate it.

proudfoot · 10/07/2011 00:09

I would not talk to them. They sound like twats.

thursday · 10/07/2011 00:17

i've been more drunk than a short woman should be able to survive on many (many) occasions and yet i've never started being horrifically rude and abusive to people, esp not family. i'd not be speaking to them until i had an apology, and even then i would keep my distance.

LDNmummy · 10/07/2011 00:38

Ugh, in all honesty (and I am sorry to say this) your mum sounds absolutely vile, especially for just sitting there and laughing while her chosen life partner rips the piss out of you very nastily.

If she doesn't respect you, he definitely will not.

mummymeister · 10/07/2011 00:47

Why does anyone think it is Ok to be nasty and vile when you are drunk and that the person on the end of it should just see the joke, laugh it off and act like it has never happened? Talk to your mum on her own and tell her how hurt you were by his comments. if she is still flippant about it then you need to decide if this was a one off or a worsening trend. imo people (even lushes) don't come out with crap like this unless they have said something in the past. if it is a trend, can you live with it? you are an adult and if you don't want to put up with this crap then don't. make sure your dh and any other close family like dsis or dbro know what has occured and tell them in detail.

iscream · 10/07/2011 02:20

I'm sorry, yanbu.
Write them an e-mail saying how you feel, if you think they don't know, and you want them to know. If they treat you like that they will have to get used to you not visiting them.

Did kids have to hear their obnoxious dribble?

2rebecca · 10/07/2011 04:37

I would write a letter to your mother detailing what your stepfather had said and saying that you never wished to see him again and will see her if she apologises for finding his insults and crass behaviour funny, but you will only see her alone.
I might relent and see him after a year or so if he grovels enough and seems reformed but I would never spend time with them when they are likely to get drunk again. Are they alcoholics? Parents of adults getting that drunk seems weird to me.

itisnearlysummer · 10/07/2011 08:08

Personally I wouldn't write the letter.

I wouldn't waste the effort. I tried that once after my mum's DH said something completely inappropriate to my 3 yo DS. All I did was ask her to have a word with him explaining that I felt it was inappropriate and why (didn't even expect her to agree with me! I just thought it would sound better coming from her.)

She said she wouldn't tell her DH what he could and couldn't say and said that if he wasn't welcome in our house then neither was she.

They've since divorced and she is now with someone even more objectionable!!! We have little contact with them. They are both most unpleasant!

Your mum might react differently of course, but I'd doubt it given that she didn't support you at the time.

udupper · 10/07/2011 08:35

It sounds to me like a bit of banta that went slightly out of hand. Tell them how it upset you and they'll probably apoligise immediately.

Animation · 10/07/2011 08:44

The man's an idiot - where did your mum find him from?

Give them both a wde birth - you and your brother's got each other.

NestaFiesta · 10/07/2011 08:50

I think you've overreacted, we've all said things that we though were funny when drunk that people who were sober didn't think were funny. Yes but what OP's DH said was a load of obnoxious abuse. Drink or not, it's inexcusable.

Most of us have been drunk but most of us manage to do this without giving out verbal abuse and insults. It's not an excuse.

oila · 10/07/2011 08:51

I think you're being oversensitive, it just sounds like drunken nonsense to me. I wouldn't get upset or angry about it if I were you.

NestaFiesta · 10/07/2011 08:52

oila- I disagree- we all have the right not to be publicly insulted. If nothing is said, it will happen again and OP will be the butt of everyone's jokes every time booze in involved. Nip it in the bud now Op!

Animation · 10/07/2011 08:55

"drunken nonsense"

Nah - he sounds like a nasty piece of work to me.

NestaFiesta · 10/07/2011 08:55

Sorry, I realise now it was OP's Mum's DH, but really, it makes no difference. OP has a right not to be insulted.

My Mum's DH is similar and it really hurt when my Mum went along with all his jibes about my weight etc. and laughed along with him. If you excuse this behaviour it continues.

oila · 10/07/2011 09:13

nesta- I think it depends on whether this was a one-off or whether he has said things like this before.

2rebecca · 10/07/2011 09:13

The people I know who are old enough to have adult offspring and who get drunk enought to be abusive have alcohol problems.
They also are usually unpleasant before they drink and the drink just makes them worse.
I can't imagine ever saying something like that to my kids or stepkids, or finding it funny, or getting uncontrollably drunk in front of them.
That wasn't just a normal family insult like "you've always had no common sense" "you've always been the selfish one", these were horrible personal insults that I wouldn't say to someone I disliked and rarely saw, let alone a member of my family

aeder · 10/07/2011 10:03

YANBU the comment to your brother about asslicking is absolutely repugnant

HelloKlitty · 10/07/2011 10:20

Things like that don't happen tokle not in normal families! He sounds vile in the extreme and I would see my Mum on special occasions but NOT HIM!

Yuk.

JanMorrow · 10/07/2011 10:31

I'd phone your mum and talk to her about it, remind her what he said and tell her how hurt you are. Give her a chance to apologise and then tell her you want an apology from him. She how she reacts and then decide whether you want much to do with them.

leares · 10/07/2011 10:36

How are you feeling today OP, don't let him to you.

Animation · 10/07/2011 10:40

"He was drunk, things like that happen"

He's too abusive and rude - for it to be normal. You can't blame the drink - it's his personality.

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