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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to refuse to buy the 3DS for DSS?

64 replies

travispickles · 09/07/2011 14:25

We promised DSS the 3DS if he got level 5s in both his SATS. He got 5B in maths but 4A/B in English and has reminded us about it. But I don't think he should get it because he didn't get the 5 in both. AIBU? Or should he be offered something else that is considerably less expensive to reward the Maths level 5?

OP posts:

FoofusScrimgeour · 09/07/2011 16:26

Vegetariandumpling hahahaha startlingly random.

mrjellykeepskidsquiet · 09/07/2011 18:11

Doesn't happen that often but agree with fabbychic

Mamateur · 09/07/2011 18:59

Hi Veg oh good! I spoke completely without authority when I said they couldn't be changed. We lived there for six months. They are quite small denomination notes though - a massive wad that's worth about 30 quid. DN just loved it because he'd never seen so many notes and because he 'found' it in an inside pocket of an old suitcase..

Original poster

travispickles · 09/07/2011 18:59

Thanks all - we have discussed it and are probably going to give it to him. There are lots of factors involved that I cba to explain but suffice it to say he is not remotely stressed/ overachieving etc. A bit lazy maybe :) But we have said how fab he has done but the major reason for the emphasis on achieving well is that he is moving schools, going to a very large state school where he will not know anyone. In this school they are streamed based on SATS and he was close to sabotaging the SATS as he was pissed off that his mum was moving him to school without his friends. As secondary teachers we are aware that it would not work in his favour to underachieve and end up streamed in a set way below his ability (and often with students with poor behaviour in our experience). So it was a bribe but for good reason, and not something we would normally do. But cheers for all the responses - it has helped negotiations.

OP posts:

quirrelquarrel · 09/07/2011 19:24

OP is not being extremely horrible. OP's DSS is also not going to kill himself because a/ he won't get his reward, b/ he worked hard for his results or c/ in the future because this has set a precedent.

It all seems straightforward. Parents trust that results are proof of effort. We know that the emphasis is on effort and not ability and that the OP knows that level 5s are within his abilities, so there's no way he's going to feel like the target is unreachable. The games console thing is set a reward for a minimum achievement- the level 5s. Minimum achievement isn't met- reward isn't deserved within the bounds of that achievement.

This last thing should be firmly stressed if you want to cosset him.

frownieface · 09/07/2011 21:25

I have not read the rest of the thread, however yabu to get a 3ds for a child

www.mobilemag.com/2010/12/30/nintendo-issues-warning-that-3ds-is-bad-for-childrens-eyes/

and yabvu to put so much pressure on a child.

FoofusScrimgeour · 09/07/2011 21:55

Sorry Veg not random at all. I didn't read Mamateurs post properly.

southofthethames · 09/07/2011 23:27

OP - that reason you posted a few threads up is a v good post. I don't think it's ever right to judge/criticise anyone based on what is posted (although perhaps for some people with strong feelings it might be interesting to see what the response would be with the reasons you have given). I never ever thought your 3DS offer was "pressure", more a bribe (!!) but sometimes some children need a bribe as a final push to get the very best out of them on that particular day - clearly not as a regular pattern, as you said.

(I do have many DNs who would not consider getting a 3DS pressure at all - "oh, I don't care, if I don't achieve that, someone is bound to get it for me for my birthday or Christmas")

I think where children feel pressurised it may not be whether there was a reward or not but that the parent/s had not understood their child well enough to realise how sensitive the child was to pressure. Children who feel pressurised easily need reassurance and relaxed, children who are too laid back need a carrot (and sometimes a sensible stick - eg "if you don't pass your French you're not coming to Chessington") to tell them when a serious event is serious. One size doesn't fit all. No reason why a sensitive, easily pressured child can't get a reward too - but often the reward is best given is a surprise after the event and not dangled beforehand.

PrincessScrumpy · 09/07/2011 23:35

Rewards imo should be for effort and good/lovely behaviour. Really unfair to make a deal over how bright a child is or how they perform on the day in an exam.

I was a bright pupil but my brother was a top A grade student who went to Cambridge. We both put in effort so why should he get more prizes?

I think I would say, we're really proud about the level 5 you did get and the amount of effort you put in so we've decided we will get you the 3ds. If he expected 5s then he'll already be disappointed so will need love, support and a confidence boost at home - you seem to be intent on knocking him down further which imo is rather cruel.

Sewmuchtodo · 10/07/2011 15:25

worraliberty hahahahaha, just hit the 'what you think fabby looks like' link and had to laugh......and agree!

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 15:32

You cheeky munsters! I have a picture of me on my profile! No need to guess.

Sewmuchtodo · 10/07/2011 15:32

You have to admit is is funny!

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 15:37

I did laugh! ha ha ha

worraliberty · 10/07/2011 21:06

Sorry Fabby I completely forgot I posted that

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