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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to refuse to buy the 3DS for DSS?

64 replies

travispickles · 09/07/2011 14:25

We promised DSS the 3DS if he got level 5s in both his SATS. He got 5B in maths but 4A/B in English and has reminded us about it. But I don't think he should get it because he didn't get the 5 in both. AIBU? Or should he be offered something else that is considerably less expensive to reward the Maths level 5?

OP posts:

southofthethames · 09/07/2011 14:58

I think you need to stick to what you agreed as that would otherwise undermine any future pep talks, advice or agreements you make. There's nothing to stop you buying the 3DS later for his birthday or Christmas (whichever comes first). If you feel he did his best, it may be better to get him another treat - eg an outing or a book - if you feel he deserves something. I don't personally think that much of either the 3DS (as other parents here have noted) or SATS (as opposed to GCSEs or A levels as a marker of a pupil's own performance) but it's about keeping to the agreement you had rather than bending the rule.

BobbaFettBountyHunter · 09/07/2011 15:00

I wouldn't buy the 3ds full stop and i'm a game console whore. I certainly wouldn't buy it for my children, very very bad for the eyes. If you're going to buy him a handheld buy him a psp or ds/dsi. Also, very silly to put so much pressure on a child, and saddening.

CQrrrneee · 09/07/2011 15:00

why are you so bothered about what he gets in his SATS anyway? Poor child.

Mamateur · 09/07/2011 15:02

Hi MaryZ! Well, we don't actually have to contemplate that situation, as DS is only a baby, and as you know we've only had our teen for six months. My approach is to get him to experience working hard at school and see how it feels to get good grades and frankly, under the circumstances I will achieve it any way that works.
In our case he found a large wad of chinese currency (actually worthless outside China as they don't allow exchange) and it touched his imagination. He will get it if his report is good. Or some of it if it's only good in parts.

I also give, on your advice MaryZ , unexpected rewards when I see it is due.

catgirl1976 · 09/07/2011 15:02

Prepared to get totally shouted down for this as I dont have DC's yet, but am wondering...whilst agreeing that that is a lot of pressure to put on a child and reqasrding effort not results sounds like a good practice...... is it not a little bit healthy to learn that without the results there often is no reward no matter how hard you have tried?

Please bear in mind I have no idea how old a SATS taking child would be.

Mamateur · 09/07/2011 15:03

Obviously we would exchange the currency (we're not that awful)

southofthethames · 09/07/2011 15:05

Also at this age it is better to encourage the child to try to do his best all the time, rather than only working when there is a reward/bribe/prize. Perhaps you could also consider buying the game (or another game) for everyone in the family to share.

notevenamousie · 09/07/2011 15:06

I was promised an alto sax in exchange for straight As at A level (thank Go there weren't A*s then!) - it summed up a lot of my teenage issues that I still carry - pressured emotionally wrecked overachiever!

Maryz · 09/07/2011 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oohjarWhatsit · 09/07/2011 15:10

agree with fabby, god, the poor kid :( - way to go to make him feel a failure before he gets to secondary school!!

this is a primary school aged child, they dont need pressure ffs - they dont even need to know they are taking exams - i didnt,we just went in one day and did our 11+ with no fanfare, no pressure, no one even mentioned it prior to the day

what will you be like at GCSE time
and A Level Time
and University Time

Mamateur · 09/07/2011 15:12

I suppose so, MaryZ (do you remember me, adopting a DN with a crazy granny who practically forces him to drink 3 champers on christmas day ?) I know he can do it but he's at a school where it's stupid to be clever and they have very low expectations. Also, before we had him he was refusing school etc.

Maryz · 09/07/2011 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamateur · 09/07/2011 15:24

We are taking strides these days, the school say he is a different boy. The same school that stuck him in a remedial group phoned me to say his reading comprehension test put him at 15+, above the brightest kids in the year above. We still have big behaviour issues from time to time of course, but he listens to us much more.

OP how about getting him to do some extra work in that subject (an online test or something) to get his full reward. Sorry I hadn't realised he was much younger than ours.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 09/07/2011 15:26

Presents for SATs?

I thought sats were supposed to a gentle, no pressure way of assessing the school's progress.

No?

thefirstMrsDeVere · 09/07/2011 15:27

'to be'

I am leaving out random words and adding letters all over the place lately.

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 09/07/2011 15:30

worraliberty

SchrodingersMew · 09/07/2011 15:32

Haven't read the whole thread but just had to add that I really wanted one of them, we tried one last week in GAME and ohhh dear it is migrane material and a complete waste of money!

However I do think your DSS obviously did make a genuine effort and awarding for results he may not have been able to achieve is a shame.

fluffybutt · 09/07/2011 15:42

Celebrate his success, he has done very well, above expected levels in all his subjects. take back your 'if you get all 5's' statement and tell him that as he got a 4a in a test that was harder than usual, he can still have his reward. He has obviously tried extremely hard and this should be rewarded, not the end result. Well done to OP's DS.

FoofusScrimgeour · 09/07/2011 15:46

Completely agree with Fabby. That much pressure to receive a reward For an exam that doesn't mean anything really.
A grade 4 is expected at yr 6, a grade 5 is above and beyond.
Give him the flipping present.

Worra

IloveJudgeJudy · 09/07/2011 15:52

I hate all this presents for achievements at school rubbish, especially, as in the OP's case, when the tests are designed to test the school, not the pupil.

OP, as you have said he would only get it if he got 5s, then you can't give it to him, but you shouldn't have made the achievement a stipulation in the first place. You should reward effort.

cazza40 · 09/07/2011 15:53

Yabu
You have put unreasonable pressure on him. Get him the 3rd not sure why others are complaining about it we have it and it's fantastic

LineRunner · 09/07/2011 15:56

These kids are ten years old.

SATs are a measure of the school. They test the teachers.

They are often inaccurate measures of a child's ability and notoriously frequently test all the wrong things.

YABU.

squeakytoy · 09/07/2011 16:04

SATS are still good practice for "real" exams as far as the child is concerned. I really dont understand parents who tell their child that "sats dont matter", because then how do you know if your child has really tried their best or not .

There is nothing wrong in being competetive and striving to be the best, so long as you accept that you may not BE the best.

follyfoot · 09/07/2011 16:09

I dont agree about SATS being practice for real exams. They arent (or at least shouldnt be) exams in any sense. They are to assess the school, not the child so I'm not sure what exactly you would be rewarding a child for.

vegetariandumpling · 09/07/2011 16:24

In our case he found a large wad of chinese currency (actually worthless outside China as they don't allow exchange)

This is most certainly NOT true. Maybe 20 years ago it was but now. And I say this as someone who has been to China many many many many times and have always been able to exchange RMB back to pounds on my return.

Unless you're talking about very small notes, such as one yuan notes, in which case ignore me.

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