To be pretty annoyed by this, as a SAHM?

[CoffeeMum]

We recently got a new mortgage, and though I am a SAHM, so not actually bringing money into the house right now, the mortgage is held jointly between us. It hadn't occurred to us to do it any other way as DH supports my contribution as a SAHM, just as I value his contribution as sole money earner.

Anyway, a letter arrived yesterday from the company we've taken the mortgage out with, offering us a homeowner loan. Presumably, as the mortgage is held jointly between us, we're both homeowners. Why then, was the loan offer addressed only to my husband?

Am actually really a bit angry about this TBH. Thoughts, if you'd be so kind!

Thank you

I understand that it was from your mortgage company - it was still junk mail! I get offers from my bank all the time to take out loans, credit cards, etc - it's junk mail!

Oh I am not arguing that there isn't plenty of sexism around, just that I don't think this particular issue is a sexist one.

Just lazy mail merging.

Really eurochick, not junk mail? [mean that as genuine surprise, not sarcasm!] I would just give it more credibility if it's from my mortgage lender, not some dubious high-interest loan shark types. Maybe that's naive of me! Shocking about your holiday situation though. This is what i mean though - Morloth, you say it's not sexist, and i don't believe they are plotting away behind the scenes to be actively sexist and undermine women, but i just think there are little habits and customs in society to may lead to that sort of impression, and this might be one of them. Just like handing the bill in a restaurant to the man, say [which happened to me the other day, but i didn't come on Mumsnet and go nuts about that one ]

Blimey OP clearly the word unclench is light hearted!! but I aplogise uf you thought I was being off. I hjust meant I don't think this is worth getting even ranty about

It comes from the mortgage company who have just added you and your DH to a marketing list which they will use to bombard you, your DH, and the two of you jointly with offers of loans, insurance, credit cards and breakdown recovery. It is nothing to do with the mortgage, your gender, or your employment status or anything else

We used to get this the other way round when everything was addressed to me. DH was a contractor so his nominal salary was pennies - he got everything else through dividends. My salary was bigger so I was first named on the mortgage. Everything came to me. We are now with a different mortgage company and everything comes to both of us. I think it depends on the company to be honest and nothing that I worried about. DH definitely didn't get concerned about it.

CurrySpice, okay then, i should just assume it's a complete coincidence that i disappear from the addressee line at the same time that my income becomes zero? [genuine question, not trying to be arsey, or clenched ]

YANBU. You have a joint mortgage therefore you are both responsible for the mortgage debt. All correspondence regarding that should be accessible to both of you. By addressing the letter to your DH alone, you presumbly wouldn't open the letter - regardless of the fact that is so obviously concerns you - and if you did open it, you would technically be interfering with his mail (as it isn't addressed to you).

Oh hotels are almost as bad as car dealers and estate agents. Just recently, I chose the hotel, I booked the hotel, through the hotel loyalty club website, where I am a member, on my credit card. I put husband's name down in one place only, "additional guest". Oterhwise everything on my name, and we have different last names.
Get to the hotel, there is the usual welcome letter waiting in the room. You can probably guess. "Dear Mr. Husbandsname, thank you for choosing our hotel..."

I've had the opposite with my current account. Held the account in my own name for around 10 years, got married and put DW as a joint name and now all the marketing bumph from them is now address to her???

Motivated - that's just as odd in my opinion! It's your account too isn't it?
HeavyHeidi - that is very poor about the hotel...
ZombiePlan - good point. By addressing it to my DH, they are actually doing themselves a disservice at the mortgage company. I could be the one to turn round to DH and say we take out a loan for something. After all, I do the financial planning - which is why DH is totally happy for me to open all his mail, and vice versa.

Yup, maybe they think she'll be more frivoless and more likely to take out a loan to spend on fur coats and strappy shoes?

BTW she definately wouldn't

Coffeemum - yes, it's a coincidence. Most marketing lists are not all that sopgisticated. You are both just random names to them. Really. It's not a personal slight on your life choices :o

If anytging is still even slightly clenched, I think you can safely declenchify :o

Not to say there isn't oodles of sexist crap about, just don't think this is

Apologies for the crap typing. I'm eating salt and vinegar chip sticks

rainbow - how is it sexism? Our mtge things are addressed to me. You sound hysterical!

Ours aren't address Mr and Mrs either, just our names.

It isn't sexism.
It may be idle and even unprofessional but not sexist.

As we moved after I became as sahm but some of the correspondence then started coming to me instead of dh or both of us, should dh assume something sinister?

Do you really think that banks are involved in a plot to undermine sahms by being a bit snarky?
You are, as I said before, seeing insult where there is none.
I suspect my dh would have far greater reason to feel snubbed than you.

Sincerely, banks care how much you have. They don't give a shit how you earn it.
It always amuses me how often I am approached by Amex etc when technically I have no income.