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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not use bath products MIL has brought for the new baby?

105 replies

MadYoungCatLady · 07/07/2011 12:14

It sounds a bit daft but please hear me out!

MIL-to-be has popped over today with bags of stuff for our new arrival, due at Christmas.

Its my 2nd DC, and I've decided to get on my high horse about bath products, especially those with SLS in. MIL has brought talc, baby wash, barrier cream, and 4 packs of wipes. I'm really touched by her gesture, she's obviously very excited about her new DGC! However, Ive looked the ingredients up, and the wash does contain SLS, and of course theres the advice against talc. DP knew I wanted to get natural stuff for DC, and he's obviously passed the message on because this particular brand (pretty common, but not the 'leading' brand) has on the front
"No harsh ingredients"

I really don't want to use it. DP does because his mum bought it. He seems quite offended that I've looked up the ingredients. I just want whats best for the baby, I dont want to offend anyone!

Its body wash ffs, not some keepsake we will keep for generations! I know when he baths baby he will use it. He will also keep tabs on it to make sure it doesn't get 'lost'.

AIBU?

OP posts:

WhoAteMySnickers · 07/07/2011 14:20

YANBU to not use the products if you don't want to, but you are being very precious.

"He will also keep tabs on it to make sure it doesn't get 'lost'." Really? Then he has too much time on his hands.

If you are so adamant you won't use the products then give them to a Womens Refuge or somewhere similar. Don't let them go off in the back of a cupboard somewhere.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 07/07/2011 14:22

talc used in a normal way won't kill a baby obviously. I don't think anyone said it would either.

Becaroooo · 07/07/2011 14:23

YANBU to not use products you dont want to on your baby.

Talc is a def no no.

Perhaps you could explain about the talc (new guidlelines etc) and use the other stuff yourself to save upset???

Then very obvisouly show her the stuff you like and go on abuot how great it is!!

NoHunIntended · 07/07/2011 14:26

FYI: passionatelycompassionate.com/toiletries/

fatlazymummy · 07/07/2011 14:28

I would have loved to have had Johnson products when my kids were babies but couldn't afford them .I would use the talc on myself, I absolutely love the smell.
Why not save the other products for when your baby is older, and less at risk of whatever you think will happen to them?

naturalbaby · 07/07/2011 14:33

i agree about being fussy with bath stuff, particularly with newborns. stick it at the back of the cupboard/drawer and use it when your baby is older. when dc2 was a baby he got a rash on his face cause i washed dc1 in johnsons then wiped dc2's face with the flannel that had been in the bath water.

talc goes in my swimming bag cause you just can't get dry enough in leisure centre changing rooms!

i have so much unopened/unused stuff from mil and have made many, many trips to return baby things to a certain department store. she nearly had a nervous breakdown when we asked for a receipt for a hat she bought ds1 cause his head is so enormous it wouldn't fit.

Original poster

MadYoungCatLady · 07/07/2011 14:34

I wouldnt dream on telling MIL - I wouldnt want to hurt her feelings in any way. What has annoyed my is DP was all in favour of 'natural' products until his mum bought these. Now he's saying "well it was obviously ok because my mum has bought it and she wouldnt buy anything baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad..."
To hell with what I think, his mum thinks its ok...

It smells gorgeous though...

Talc - apparently can cause choking I believe, can't remember where I have read it now but it was pointed out to me when I was pregnanct with DS 4 years ago, made to seem as important as feet to feet position.

I used all the Johnsons stuff on DS, made his skin dry but I didnt know anything about SLS or the likes then. If I had known, I would've chosen natural ingredients for him. I'd rather err on the side of caution this time.

Maybe that is precious. I stopped smoking because of the chemicals in cigarettes - was that precious too? And funnily enough its legal to sell cigarettes too! Obviously different chemicals, but still chemicals and there are enough people who refuse to use SLS on a baby's skin.

No, this is not all I have to worry about. I have a much, much bigger problem at home at the moment but try to take my mind off it by thinking about the baby, and trying to get some feedback about 'smaller' issues that I am thinking about.

OP posts:

girlywhirly · 07/07/2011 14:37

I think that talc particles get stuck in the pores of the skin, and can be inhaled, so IMO a waste of money. Also pointless to use on children who have asthma or eczema.

I think the manners are to accept the gift gracefully and not use/save until baby is older and has no signs of sensitivity, or wait until the toiletries are all forgotten about and give to a friend whose DC can use them. When you buy the stuff you like you could rave about how lovely XBRAND is, was recommended by a friend etc. Especially if you want organic, it helps to mention brand names. You never know, Mil might take the hint. You can always say when baby is here, that his/her skin was a bit red after using MIL'S toiletries, and you will need to use XBRAND from now on.

I have to say, Johnsons stuff is seriously strongly perfumed, I'm sure it didn't used to be that bad. My friends' DC used to use the wipes, and the smell made me feel sick.

YANBU to prefer certain types of toiletries for your child. I'm amazed that MIL is buying that sort of stuff almost 6 mths before the baby is due! And DH will remember about it after all that time? Hasn't he got anything more pressing to worry about?

Original poster

MadYoungCatLady · 07/07/2011 14:41

DP has OCD. Hence keeping tabs on everything, using things in stock-rotation fashion, etc. You can't squirrel anything away from him because he is always cleaning and checking things :(

OP posts:

pigletmania · 07/07/2011 14:41

Just give it away to friends who have babies or young children

JiltedJohnsJulie · 07/07/2011 14:44

Hope he is getting some help with that then OP.

Original poster

MadYoungCatLady · 07/07/2011 14:45

Yes he is, although not enough as the Mental Health care in our area is known how how appalling it is :(

OP posts:

Original poster

MadYoungCatLady · 07/07/2011 14:47

Do you think it would be 'wrong' if I used it? It does smell lovely and I'm not precious about what I use! I suppose she wouldn't find out and it wouldn't be wasting it...

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 07/07/2011 14:52

If you were thinking of using it anyway, why start the thread?

Original poster

MadYoungCatLady · 07/07/2011 15:16

I wasn't Jilted, the idea just came to me. Where did I say I had been thinking it 'anyway'?
Some of the threads on here are a lot more daft than this one! Have I encountered the AIBU police?

OP posts:

Graciescotland · 07/07/2011 15:32

I didn't use anything but water and olive oil on DS till he was about nine months old. He's 10.5 mo now and he's never had any skin problems or nappy rash. Now I use whatever soap is in the bathroom and we still have no problems.

Perhaps you can stash the stuff for when he stops being a precious newborn and is covered head to toe in sauce that a flannel alone can not shift. I think most products have a shelf life of two years+ if unopened.

petisa · 07/07/2011 15:32

OP sorry to have made fun of the situation, but to be fair we didn't know your dp has OCD. You should use it yourself and buy the stuff you want, and if your dp doesn't notice everyone will be happy, no?

Intrigued by the person who cleans the house with unwanted toiletries - like the kitchen floor?

I have been educated here on this thread - so what brands do you use? What toothpastes can you get that don't contain SLS?

dreamingbohemian · 07/07/2011 15:45

In that case OP, instead of trying to use another brand instead of the gifted one, I would just not use any bath products at all until the baby is older. There are loads of articles you can show your DH to convince him that it's simply not necessary may even be harmful to use products on newborn skin.

ZombiePlan · 07/07/2011 15:46

TBH, I think your DH is being U. You had made a decision about the baby between you, suddenly his mum does something different and now he expects you to back down. And if you don't back down, he'll do it anyway. This really is not ideal and I don't think you're making too much of it. I know some people will say that bath lotion is only a "little thing", but actually I don't believe in "small issues" - even if the thing in question is not life changing, the way in which you agree to things as a couple is IMO pretty fundamental in a relationship. What happens when a big issue comes along and you don't want to let it go for a quiet life? IMO, if you've got into bad habits in terms of how to make joint decisions, it becomes harder to deal well with big issues.

nickelbabe · 07/07/2011 15:48

OP, use the products on yourself.

I have quite sensitive crappy skin, and have to be quite careful with how much i use soap products.
I used to use baby lotion as moisturiser, and had to avoid johnson's because i had a funny reaction. (i used co-op, which i never had a problem with)
anyway, someone gave us some baby bathing stuff recently, and I would sooner err on the side of caution on the baby, so i've tried the baby lotion again. it hasn't reacted yet, but it's only day 2, so we'll see.
I've told DH to use the bubble bath and shampoo (well the baby's not due for another 21 weeks!), but I won't be using the talc, because I don't like talc.
not because of any scares.

exaspomum · 07/07/2011 16:00

YANBU - it's your baby - your MIL has had her turn of looking after her children and now it's your turn to do what you think is the best for YOUR babies. What a good idea to refill the bottles with your own product! (Except that your DH will think you were happy to use MIL's). MIL's feelings will be spared though - very important.
Good luck.

JanMorrow · 07/07/2011 16:02

I got this sort of thing, wash and shampoo and wipes etc. I just used them on myself in the shower.

petisa · 07/07/2011 16:12

I have to say I love Johnson's baby wipes with added aloe vera and lotion or whatever it is. My baby's bum hasn't been red at all ever since I started using them. So what do those who don't use wipes use instead? Cotton wool and water for sticky poos?

sweetness86 · 07/07/2011 16:14

Oh dear... what happens in your family when there's a real problem?

agrred ^

JanMorrow · 07/07/2011 16:16

Oh no I do use wipes! Couldn't live without them!

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