Constant References to Sex

[CrossEyes]

I just want to know if this is NORMAL male behaviour. I'll give a few scenarios.

1. We're sat on a pub bench, looking out onto the river at a rescue team searching for a body (romantic eh!). We each have a lager in hand and it's only 12pm lunch time. I say something about how I'd always wanted to work for the police and DP looks at my chest, does a cheesy eye-brow raise and makes "umm!" noises. I ignore him and ask if him if he'd ever fancied police as a career - he says "no. Ummm I like it when you wear low cut tops! I can see your boobies". I continue to ignore so he starts making references to how we should go home and get the massage oil out. I just want to chill in the sun like everyone else.

1. He texts me from work saying he's having a crap day. I text back saying "poor you x" and he texts back saying "I need you naked in bed next to me".

1. We once had sex in a forest. Yesterday we're trying to think of somewhere to go and he does the eyebrow raise and says "D* Forest??" I suggest other places and he reacts by saying "I want to take you into those woods again, like last time" etc etc. FFS I want suggests on how to spend our day off.

Its CONSTANT. ALL the time. YES I have spoken to him about it, he says I'm being a nun or I'm "in a mood". He doesn't realise that the constant references to my body/sex makes me NOT want to have sex. At worst - it makes me wonder if that's all he wants me for!!!

So is it normal for men to bring sex into even the most innocent of conversations and to go on and on about it as if they have nothing else to talk about?

urrgh, comments on body when you guys are already in an "intimate situation" fine.

comments when you are trying to have a grownup (as opposed to "adult" snarf snarf see below) conversation about careers etc - implies no interest in whats between your ears, only between your legs. I would have a long frank talk about what turns you on/off, and if he still doesn't get it - dump.

PS i had an ex-p who, when i said i wanted to discuss something in an "adult" way, would do the snarf snarf thing, like i'd said something dirty. he is an ex-p and barely memorable now except for moments like that.

He is probably a Complete wanker, but it mak be Different Sex Drives, so:

1. Go to"Relationships" section
2. Read all the wails and travails of people with different sex drives in a relationship (actually, just read 1 - its all the same )
3. Work out by post 10 its all downhill from here
4. Dump him.

Sorted :o

Sweetheart tell him to fuck off and fuck himself now!!!

OH does sometimes make comments, and sometimes they're fum and sometimes not, but once I say no, not in the mood thats it.

And the same goes for him, he has a very nice arse (very), sometimes a grope is welcome sometimes not

He is trying to get you to do it with him. I feel a bit sorry for him.

Clearly speaking like a schoolboy isn't getting him any. Why don't you tell him what you would like?

(and if that is two weeks of being left alone, then tell him that)

My DP's like this and he can't understand why it's a turn-off.

Any little cuddle turns into a grope, and it's always straight to my boobs. Really, really annoys me and he thinks I'm being prudish and "All women like having their boobs touched" - all the time, apparently!

Sometimes I don't think he realises that I'm a person. He'll stop me short mid-sentence and say something about getting naked and boobs. Ugh!

Yesterday, he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. We stopped at the lights and he started going on about my boobs. I told him to change the subject as DD (aged 3) was in the car and he said "Who do you think you are?!" Idiot!

PO is your dh a teenager?

He sounds a bit, er, limited!

I think most blokes like a bit of innuendo now and then and my dh likes a bit of a jokey grope, but I do it too - but this sounds very tiresome

OP, not PO!

Well that sort of behaviour would make my sex drive run screaming for the hills. How long have you been together OP?

urgh.

Not nice, not normal. Yuk.

DH will merrily make occasional humorous comments re "hello norks" or similar when I'm getting ready for bed or whatever, but not all the fricking time and no pressure for sex, even during 'fallow times' (and there've been a few).

There's a difference between 'gary and tony from men behaving badly' comments and 'the behaviour of a total arsewipe'...imho

This is great for me to read. DP's comments do turn me off and I thought I must be weird, but it looks as though the OP and everyone else feels the same way. It's a relief.

I always feel under pressure to have sex and feel as though DP doesn't notice that I'm actually a person. Grrr!

So, what's the solution, OP???!

boojabooja sorry to say but your dp also sounds like an arrogant arse to me! sounds like the kind of bloke who has gained all his sexual "knowledge" from porn and thinks every other woman, apart from his, is "up for it" 24/7 and you should be too.

i would find "who do you think you are?" a red flag as to me, he is saying that you have no right to an opinion on his behaviour and have to go along with his unsuitable, unsavoury comments (in front of your child) no matter what.

After a heart to heart with a mate I think this is common. My DH went through a spell like this and I think I assured him that the more he asked the less I was inclined to feel like it.

My friend's DH sulks and gets moody for days.....

You're right, toomuch. Not that he has ideas from porn, but he is unrealistic when it comes to sex. Throughout his 20s and 30s, he'd had many, many girlfirends, avoiding "settling down", until I was the 'lucky' lady. He's enjoyed the lots-of-sex-honeymoon-period when you first meet someone, and not a lot else. This is reflected in many aspects for our relationship though - he acts like a single man. Not in relation to DD at all, but certainly in relation to me.

He gropes me in public which I find revolting. I'm not an exhibitionist at all and it makes me feel ridiculous.

Ironically, we have sex a lot less often because of this!

Sorry to go on about myself on your thread, OP, but what you're saying really rings bells to me.

Yack, yack, yack. He sounds utterly revolting.

Sadly there isn't a solution. If they are the kind of ignorant buffoon to think this is a good approach in the first place they usually don't have enough brain cells to understand if you try and explain that you don't actually like being treated like a piece of meat.

What's the solution? Leave a person like this. It's abusive behaviour.

This is very similar to me and my DH. It has at times been very difficult and resulted in him having sexual counselling where he eventually agreed and realised that his constant comments/remarks to even the most mundane of conversations resulted in my loss of sex drive. Somedays it can completely do my head in but he his trying so hard to tone it down. I have also had comments along the lines of 'lie back and think of england' and 'you don't have to do anything, just lie there'. However, he has never forced me and I have learned to accept a certain amount of comments, I just brush them off and make a completley ridiculous (non sexual) remark back. Actually I found that when he made no remarks at all for a whole week I missed (some of) them.
I expect that some will say that he doesn't respect me or that I should leave him but he absolutely loves me and I love him back.
I feel for you OP, you shoudn't have to put up with this as it is obviously affecting your enjoyment of sex. However, if you love each other and want to stay together there may be light at the end of the tunnel but he has to start realising that he has a problem.

Aargh elegangle, that's so grim "just lie there" like some blow-up doll.

I've read quite a few threads like this on MN - DPs who think their partners must be sexual available on demand, grope them whenever they feel like and then to top it all off insist that this behaviour is 'normal' and 'flattering' and that it's their partner who's at fault for failing to enjoy being treated like a sex toy rather than a person.

CrossEyes, once you've left him, I'd show him this thread!

Hate men like this, it's like living with a hormonal 15 year old boy. Withdraw sex for a while and see if he loses interest in you completely.

I do hope you are going to dump this ignorant twat, OP

Ew

Really, ew

I mean, DH or I will make the occasional lecherous comment or double entendre to one another at otherwise innocent moments, or compliment an outfit/lack of an outfit, but

a) It's occasional!
and b) if either of us said oi, gerroff, I'm trying to have a nice conversation here, the other one would be mortified and apologise and not make a comment like that again until the first one initiated.

Insulting you when you complain, trying again and again in the hopes that you'll give in, telling you to 'just lie there', trying it on when you're both drunk and explicitly saying no - that's the behaviour of a man who thinks that he's entitled to sex and is willing to use coercion to get it. And hey, do you know what the legal term for 'sex obtained by coercion' is? Go on, guess.

It would really get on my tits if DH was like that.
OP, your DP seems to have no boundaries. How old are you both? He sounds as if he is around 12 and recently found out that he can ejaculate.
Bin him, he doesn't respect you.

He sounds like a total nob. Its nice to feel sexually wanted and attractive by your OH but to constantly harp on about sex and pester about it is a total turn off.