to not buy a wedding present from the wedding list?

[McDreamy]

I am going to a wedding at the weekend and plan to go out shopping later this wee. My plan was to buy something for them then but it suddenly occurred to me would this be rude? Should I stick to the list?

[birdofthenorth]

Go off-list if you have good taste! We loved opening a few real prezzies the morning after our wedding. A couple of them were so vile we still laugh about them now though but they were from relatives if a wholly different generation!

[readywithwellies]

Birdofthenorth - how can you quantify 'good taste'? I hate all ornaments, cuddly toys, glassware, silverware, art and faffy crappy weddingy stuff including mr and mrs stuff, photoframes blah blah. Most of the comments from people who go off list, the reasons are purely selfish. Do me a really selfish favour, just bloody come, enjoy yourself and sod the present! At least I am spared the guilt of throwing stuff away then, because I will!

[TrillianAstra]

Don't get them a version of anything that is on the list.

e.g. if they have a vase on the list do not get them a vase

Don't get them anything that is availabel in John Lewis but not on the list

if they wanted it they would have put it on the list

If you are a really generous unselfish thoughtful person - include a receipt. Because you want them to have something they want, right? Not £50's worth of something they willl never use.

[McDreamy]

Thanks for all the advice. I decided I don't know them well enough to buy off list so the list it is! All sorted now

[wannabesybil]

I usually buy a cookbook and a book on housework.

fuck the list, welcome to reality

[jeckadeck]

I'm with fifitot tbh, I think there's something incredibly vulgar and grasping about wedding lists. I hear the argument that they are practical and about avoiding duplication and so forth and yet, they still strike me as nauseatingly presumptous. I think there's a valid distinction between having a wedding list for people who you know might spend significant money on you (i.e. buying appliances and so forth) and handing them out willy nilly to friends which is just tacky and almost designed to make people feel guilty. I'm sure I'll get flamed but I think wedding lists are almost asking people to buy tasteless tat.

[smileyfacestar]

Stick to the list if you are going to buy something (as long as there is something to the value of the present you were planning to buy). I wish people stuck to buying stuff from our list (bloody in-laws).

[skybluepearl]

i didn't buy from the list with my sister's wedding. when they moved to OZ they sold all their belongings including all their wedding furniture/equipment. they did however keep the hand blown glass bowel i gave them.

[supadupapupascupa]

i would stick to the list as you know they want the items. otherwise a voucher. what you buy might be nice, but they may have a need for the other things.

[SloganLogan]

There's no obligation to buy from the list. Some do, some don't.

[SoupDragon]

If you think you know what they want better than they do, go ahead and ignore the list.

Without exception, any gift bought off list when I got married (whilst fully appreciated for the sentiment behind it) has languished in the back of a cupboard.

[SoupDragon]

A hand blown glass bowel? The mind boggles!

[flyingspaghettimonster]

Fine to go off the list, if you don't mind them not using or liking the gift. We didn't have a list as a) I thought they were rude b) we were moving countries a few months later. Everyone invited knew we were moving with just our suitcases. Didn't stop us getting a heap of crystal ornaments, commemorative glasses etc that we couldn't do anything with. Whoever came up with wedding gift ideas should be shot.

[mummyosaurus]

I got bride and groom gnomes, unlabelled as a joke (the giver thought I'd be embarrassed and not know who to thank for the hideous gnomes).

I love them and they stand in pride of place by the front door to this day! They were one of my best presents.