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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get slightly upset when partner introduces me as Amanda4.... as there have been 3 before me?

54 replies

notacloudinthesky · 05/07/2011 14:41

Having put up with it and on his phone as A4 for 2 years..... the joke is suddenly not funny anymore.

Should I see the funny side? Or indeed, is there one? Or.... ?

OP posts:
BelleEnd · 05/07/2011 14:43

Slightly upset?!

Original poster
notacloudinthesky · 05/07/2011 14:43

quite

OP posts:
Hullygully · 05/07/2011 14:44

Call him Dickface1

MadameOvary · 05/07/2011 14:45

How may partners have you had that behave like this? (Not many I hope) Just call him "Dickhead2" on your phone and see how he likes it.

HellAtWork · 05/07/2011 14:45

Have you told him he needs to get a new joke?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/07/2011 14:45

Hully beat me to it, was going to say introduce him as Dickhead1! Grin

tigana · 05/07/2011 14:46

um
is he still in contact with 1 2 and 3? because if not, you are the only one, so no need for numerical crap on phone etc.

To introduce you to friends etc as amanda 4 is pretty rude...although perhaps he is a bit embarrassed at his apparent amanda-fetish and is acknowledging it to prevent his friends taking the piss? (sort of self-attack as form of defence?)

Either way... if he is a decent bloke, just tell him it bothers you. If he is not a decent bloke... there is a bigger question.

CeliaFate · 05/07/2011 14:47

That is exceptionally rude and disrespectful.

branstonsandcheese · 05/07/2011 14:48

It was never funny. Maybe when he first met you and put you in his phone - "weird, another Amanda", I can see that's worth commenting/joking to friends about ahead of a first date or whatever.

There isn't a funny side. It's incredibly disrespectful. None of the Amandas can help their name - were 2 and 3 given those designations?

I don't want to jump to conclusions but after two years he sounds a twonk at best and like he doesn't see you as an individual at, well, not worst but further along the line there. Two years is a long time, it's serious, you should be his best-beloved P not one in a line of Amandas.

Original poster
notacloudinthesky · 05/07/2011 14:49

In contact with 1 and 2........ he knows it bothers me... a lot. And his friends all think its funny..... even asked last night by someone i had never met what number i was..... v v unfunny..

OP posts:
Nixea · 05/07/2011 14:51

Can I ask a personal question - feel free to pm me if you'd rather not say but does his name begin with an A by any chance?

branstonsandcheese · 05/07/2011 14:51

He knows it upsets you and it's still a standing joke to his friends?

He sounds like a immature wanker who hangs out with wankers. Forget what I said about jumping to conclusions Wink

What are the good bits of your relationship? Are there any? Worth this?

Renaissance227 · 05/07/2011 14:52

My DP knows better than to ever do anything like that, BUT if he ever did then I would be seriously pissed off!
You need to sit him down and explain exactly how crap and unspecial this makes you feel.

anewyear · 05/07/2011 14:54

Have I got this right, He's been out with 4 Amanda's??
Whats wrong with mandy?
If so, He's weird!!!!
Sorry

Original poster
notacloudinthesky · 05/07/2011 14:54

Not A..

We have a wonderful baby....

But yes... it's a bigger picture.... and I suppose i just wanted to vent for a moment.... Immature is right... spot on. :(

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 05/07/2011 14:55

Delete your number from his phone.

When he notices, tell him that unless it's stored as just plain ole' Amanda (no numbers), he won't be needing it at all anymore. So either way, the entry 'Amanda4' is defunct.

Up to him if he chooses to put it back in, and as what...

branstonsandcheese · 05/07/2011 14:57

'Amanda 4' is not a title a partner of two years and mother of his child deserves. It's sniggery and childish and devalues you and your relationship. If you put your foot down, said no more and that his friends were not to refer to you in that manner, do you think he'd take it on board?

Nixea · 05/07/2011 14:57

Sorry, I didn't mean to pry but you could have actually been talking about my cousin. He (for reasons unknow to us) will only date women with one name and also makes a joke out of it, to everyone's despair.

I have no advice though I'm afraid but I wish you luck and hope you get it resolved.

Original poster
notacloudinthesky · 05/07/2011 15:00

Branstonandcheese.... he told me earlier on that he wants a partner who can laugh at it and find it funny - repeatedly..... "that's the woman that I'll marry"!

So no.... he won't take it on board....

OP posts:
Adagoo · 05/07/2011 15:00

Have you ever told him?

DH takes the piss out of my married name. He is the only one that has ever done it. I went fucking ballistic and offered to divorce him and then he stopped.

You tell him that you feel it's disrespectful as you are the mother of his child you are AMANDA. that is it. Tell him you will call him dickhead 1 in public, if he refers to you in this way again.

Also you might have to kick off about it in front of his friends. But do it once, and you won't have to do it again.

Asking you what number you were is fucking incredibly rude. You must call them on it if anyone does that, or they will not know it upsets you.

Insensitive pricks. Men like this do not respond to polite requests. But they will respond to being humiliated in front of their friends. Fair game IMO.

Adagoo · 05/07/2011 15:02

Ask him if he thinks you will want to marry a man that calls you number 4? Angry

Original poster
notacloudinthesky · 05/07/2011 15:05

I did lose it last night... in front of his friends.... he said I humiliated HIM!!!

We are not kids..... His friend apologised but I really was very hurt... I had dressed up to go out somewhere smart... and the evening was ruined... I'm embarrassed but v upset :(

OP posts:
branstonsandcheese · 05/07/2011 15:05

"that's the woman that I'll marry"!!! WTF? Oh my god that's just... crass in its obviousness. And such a slap in the face for the mother of his child! He's saying he won't marry you unless you pretend you think this is funny! And you've given him a child! He's saying a 'sense of humour' about being depersonalised is more important than that?

I guess he'll be looking for an Amanda5 who's happy to be referred to as such for the rest of her life to marry - good luck with that, weirdo Amanda-fetishist.

Agree that you are WELL within your rights to kick off at any of his disrespectful sniggery friends but if that's his attitude too I've seen 'men' like that turn on their DPs for 'embarrasing them in front of their friends'. I guess that'll make its own point.

You poor thing and your poor baby, whose mother isn't even given his own designation!

pingu2209 · 05/07/2011 15:05

Personal opinion really. Terry Wogan calls his wife his 1st wife (or current wife) as though there may be a time he will get rid and have a 2nd. They have been married for decades.

Beamur · 05/07/2011 15:06

If it annoys you, then it annoys you.

I have in the past been accused of having a 'Dave' fetish. There have been 3..