to be a little wound up, hurt, pissed off and slightly embarrassed by HV'S letter (apologies for the very long thread)

[Blurry29]

Just to give you a little background..

DH and I have 1 DS who will turn 5 next week (eek)

He comes from a happy and stable family background. Has a solid friendship circle and does extremely well at school, although one of the youngest he is one of the brightest (teachers words not mine)

Very chatty, happy and confident. Very rarely poorly ( approx 3 days off in 5 years, I went back to work when he was 14 weeks)

Compliments always received from dentist, teachers, parents and strangers on how happy, friendly, polite and healthy he is.

He sleeps well, has great skin, no problems with toilet area, drinks plently and is generally a bright little boy

I recieved a letter on Sat from the health visitor following tests they did back in Feb. The letter stated that my DS falls into the severly overweight category.

It also stated that children that are overweight are more open to illness ( again DS is never ill) and more open to lack of confedence ( they've obiviously never met DS!!)

The letter went through all his stats etc then in a separate booklet there was areas to improve his lifgestyle:

1. Cut down on fizzt drinks: DS has NEVER (yes never) drank a fizzy drink in his life. He will only drink water or robinsons squash

1. 60 minutes activity a day: DS would be out from 8 am until bedtime if he was given the chance. He is active at school. comes home at 3pm, will be out the front by 315, playing footy, catch or riding bike. He will come in to eat tea and do homework before going back out again. He also plays footy and attends swimming once a week...how can this not be enough???

1. Eat more fruit and veg: I often receive compliments on how much fruit and veg my DS will eat a day, he gets no junk food in packed lunch but can eat a little bit of junk after school ( which DH and I are willing to address)

I could go on and on about the ''advice'' given in this booklet.

DH and I had a very long talk about this letter and both agreed that there are things we could change for the better... less junk after school and smaller portions etc but I still feel incredibly hurt that a letter can be sent out by just results on a page.

I still feel pissed off at DS being put in this group purely on figures from a HV, all the males on both sides of family are tall and broad ( not fat but stocky) and I thought DS was just taking after them.

I feel embarrassed that he is classed as severly overweight

I feel pissed off by the wording of the letter

I feel gutted, I don't want DS to be on a diet but also don't ever want him to be a victim of bullying later in life either

I feel wound up that they have almost judged DS on figures rather than it being on a personal level.

very mixed bag of emotions on this one...any advice would be greatly appreciated

I know of a family who received one of these as their child is overweight, but he has cancer and is taking steroids

They are automated responses that take nothing else into account apart from that a child is slightly overweight.

You're doing a great job. Rip it up.

I can completely understand why you are upset about this - nobody likes being told their DC is potentially obese, and everybody hates these identikit letters that you get from health professionals etc.

However, it sounds like maybe you and DH have acknowledged you could change a few things re not quite so much junk after school etc. So the letter has had an impact and made you look at something you hadn't noticed as an issue. So maybe try to see the letter as a badly-worded, irritating intrusion that perhaps has actually helped you address a problem you hadn't noticed before it becomes an issue.

And congrats on having a DS who likes veg. My 3yo is going through a no veg phase at the moment. Sigh...

If you put those details you have posted in the NHS weight checker then it suggests your son is overweight and in the 91st percentile for BMI for a child of his age.

It's only a guideline though. Maybe your son is about to have a height growth spurt- a cm or two of height growth will make a big difference.

Try not to take the letter personally. The truth of the matter is that we do have an obesity problem in this country and children are getting unhealthily fat at two young an age, which has enormous health problems at a societal level. The NHS is trying to address this but it can only do so generally and not at an individual level. The letter and guidance you have received is not personal- the HV isn't making a judgment about you and your family. But some families do need this kind of advice. It can be hard to view your children dispassionately and as children grow larger it can be difficult to know what is normal. You have done the right things- considered what you can do (e.g. reduce junk after school) and you know what you are doing right: e.g. plenty of outdoor exercise. Don't worry about it any more.

Just look at your DS honestly, and ask yourself if he is overweight. Surely you can tell? Have you checked his BMI (on a chart designed for children)? What age clothes is he in? If you are confident that he is not overweight, bin the letter and think no more of it - it sounds as if you are doing the right things anyway.

FWIW, my DS is 8 and he is wearing age 8 clothes, and weighs 4 stone. So it does sound as if your DS is big but we can't tell you whether he's overweight or not without seeing him... he may just be sturdy.

Lady1 - we get comments too.

DD (4) counts her portions of F&V a day and regards 5 as the minimum. It's just her little 4 year old 'thing'. She clocked up 10 one day last week. We had to ban her from eating anymore in case she got the shits tummy ache!

Look, you might be offended by the leaflet patronising you and assuming you feed your DS chips and cake and let him slump in front of a screen all day. But if they say he's severely overweight, then even accounting for stockiness and big bones, etc, he must, at least, be overweight. And instead of snarking on here, you should be taking this very seriously as a wake up call. He needs to lose weight and keep it off, and the earlier you do it the easier it will be for him.

Sometimes it is difficult for a parent to see that their precious child is anything but perfect. That is why these letters are sent out based just on the facts.

Your son is overweight. That isn't good for his health. A booklet gives you ideas on how to improve the situation.

I'm sure it's a shock, but if your ds is very heavy, then you do need to look at his diet/portion sizes etc.

Judgements about a person's weight shouldn't just be done on BMI, particularly not with children, however as FetchezLaVache said there aren't the resources to consider all the factors properly. Still makes me though.

I think it would probably be a good idea for you to talk to someone in the medical profession about whether you son really is overweight or not as it can be hard for parents to judge this themselves. YADNBU about the letter you recieved though - I wonder whether it has the intended effect for parents it's sent to or if it just pisses them off so much it gets binned and forgotten.

Whatever the figures say it sounds like you and your DH are loving and responsible parents who do the best for your DS.

Well that is quite overweight isn't it? THey informed you that there was an issue and gave you advice to help. What's wrong with that?

dd is so skrawny and long we can't get clothes to fit her (pants are either too short if narrow enough at the hips or vice versa) and her measuremnts aren't too far off your ds! He's a tiny bit taller and a tiny bit heavier but not by much.

Sounds like the HV might have put his details into the chart wrong or something.

BTW re good food incl fruit.... my eldest son is overweight. From a largely healthy diet - just too much of it Eating too much of anything will make you fat - fruit isn't a miracle food.

Bluebell, using that link you posted, it says the OP's DS is overweight - he is on the 91 centile.

People like hvs are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

We do have a problem with childhood obesity in this country so they have to be seen to be doing something to provide help and advice. Ideally this would be one on one for everyone but an over stretched system doesn't allow that.

Use this as a chance to reflect on the family diet and make changes needed

SummerRain - is your DD also 4 yrs old though?

My advice is take it less personally. Like you said they are going by info on a page and then sending out standard info. It's great your DS eats to well but many overweight children don't, just like lots of overwieght children don't get enough exercise, just like they get picked on and have confidence issues. It is cover all info, I doubt they have time or funds to make a personal plan. Besides which you did pick up a couple of tips - portion control and snacks. Having said that I would be speaking to HV for a chat about it all.

It is just stats... It will be right for most children who as a groups are fatter than they ever were in the past. It might not be true for yours though but if, as you say there are things to improve then the letter probably did some good? Just look at him naked has he got thin well muscled legs, bony bits and no handles/tummy? If so then he is obviously destined to be a strapping lad and has a big frame already.

Mine comes out as fat too, at five he is well over four foot and over four stone. He is bony though, rangy even not at all chubby, 'big' and comes from a family with some big boned brutes on either side. Still I give him fewer sweets not that he ever got that many but it did remind me that they are crap.

just a check on the NHS site, and it says your son is 86th centile for weight.

Do you have a GP you like and could book an appointment with. Health visitors have to go by the book they have very little discretion ( and some are non to bright). I think a GP might me able to look more objectively at your DS and refer you to a dietician if necessary.
My sister and I ate the same meals for 18 years I was a 12 when I left home , she a 22. Yes I cycled around a bit more than her, but I'm no way sporty. Some people are genetically programmed to put on weight. If your son is one of them you need to lay down eating habits and portion sizes now so he never thinks of it as a problem.
I would ask to see someone, because bmi and calorie data on the Web , for children, is not necessarily that great.
Good luck you, you are a good Mother!

one day i will learn to link

anyway, it says he's healthy

LADY1

You are being rather rude and bitchy!!!! I was asking for advise that's all!!!

NO it wasn't tailored for me of course!!! All I was doing was giving my own arguement across as to what the booklet said...........

It was a little stereotypical.... all bigger kids drink fizzy drinks....actually THEY DON'T

Something constructive would be good otherwise find another OP to wind up please!!!

All other comments have given advise.....all other posters have clearly read what I have put and given back constructive points!!!!

Team.... No, 6. But OP's son is a bit taller and it should go by height not age.

So he's a bit heavier (2kg) but he's also a cm or two taller

My ds1 is the same age, 117 cm tall and weighs about 19kgs, so a bit shorter and about 6kgs lighter, but he's also skin and bones so a few extra kgs on him certainly wouldn't be overweight.

Those charts are weird. My DS is tiny and skinny and I was told by the HV the other day that he was on the 50th centile. I almost spat out my tea and I think "Jeez if he is on the 50th centile they must think that average kids are overweight!" and your post confirms that I was right.

Beanlet..

Of course I am taking it seriously...

that why I stated in OP that DH and I have discussed how we can improve......

I wouldn't say I was snarking at all otherwise I wouldn't have been honest and said what I could change or posted his vitals....

it was only advice I am after before talking to a doc/HV thats all!!

As others have pointed out, children are meant to be "skinny". My dd is also five and same height as OP's DS, but about 5 kg lighter. I think she is a perfect weight now, but used to be slimmer, so I have realised that I need to limit her snacks - and yes, that includes limiting how much fruit she has.

Surely what centile they are for weight should be counterbalanced by what they are height wise, not by age?

When I was 4 I was the height and weight of a 6 year old. Not fat though!