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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to object to being called "the new girl"

58 replies

threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:07

I'm nearly 40 ffs!

I just started a new job and my boss has introduced me by email to a supplier as "the new girl".

My lodger said "I bet you wouldn't mind if a woman had said it", but that's not it at all. I wouldn't actually mind (much) if a colleague called me it, but my line manager or anyone senior? Angry

It's patronising, isn't it? And I'd bet good money that a 40 year old bloke would something like "the new guy", definitely not a "boy".

Grrr.

OP posts:
Punkatheart · 03/07/2011 22:11

It's just an expression. I don't think it is meant to patronise.

Well done on the new job....

MrsDePoint · 03/07/2011 22:14

YABU, it's just a saying. In a previous job, a very senior person was referred to as the "head boy" by everyone, more and less senior than him.

Having said that, it doesn't exclude the possibility that your new boss is actually a patronising prick.

yousankmybattleship · 03/07/2011 22:17

YABU. It is just an expression. Get over yourself!

AvengingGerbil · 03/07/2011 22:19

YANBU. It may be 'just an expression', but it normalises the infantilisation of women. Men = grownups, women = girls = children.

zookeeper · 03/07/2011 22:19

blimey. You,re a sensitive soul Hmm

Original poster
threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:20

Really?

I'd never refer to an adult woman at work as the new girl, particularly someone I was line managing.

It's patronising, unprofessional and disrespectful IMO.

I'd say it to a mate, in certain contexts, but at work? No way!

OP posts:
TragicallyHip · 03/07/2011 22:20

No it's not patronising. You are being silly, they were only introducing you.

Saying the new woman would be odd.

snicker · 03/07/2011 22:21

I don't think 'new girl' is used more than 'new boy'. Its a throwback to school.

Original poster
threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:21

Thanks AvengingGerbil, I'm glad someone gets it! Smile

OP posts:
zookeeper · 03/07/2011 22:21

but it is just an expression, hjust as "the new boy" would be. Light hearted banter, surely?.

lurkerspeaks · 03/07/2011 22:21

I'd rather be the 'new girl' than the 'new lady'.

I'm early thirties.

squeakytoy · 03/07/2011 22:22

My husband is the "new boy" at work at the moment, a term he will happily describe himself as, and he is 50 in November.. its just a phrase, not an insult...

snicker · 03/07/2011 22:22

I get it. I just think you are wrong wrt a man not being called 'the new boy'.

RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 22:23

YANBU, though it might depend on what you do?

I have worked in fairly menial positions and you are kinda expected to put up with being patronised by The Big Boss when he Deigns To Notice You.

But if you are doing something managerial/ professional then it is pretty demeaning as a way to introduce you to a new contact. Surely 'a new colleague' would suffice?

Original poster
threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:25

If i was introducing a new colleague I'd introduce them by their work title i.e. here's our new "editor / PA / ice-cream seller / whatever".

With "new girl" the supplier has no idea what my job is, or anything about me other than probably an image of a young girl in his head, whereas in reality I'm someone with 20+ years work experience.

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 03/07/2011 22:26

It is unprofessional why can't they say this is the new (insert job title)

But nothing to get worked up about

bittersweetvictory · 03/07/2011 22:26

YABU just be gratefull youve got a new job, its not sexual harrassment or bullying, just an expression, im in my 40s and would be happy to be called the new girl if i were in a new job.

dwpanxt · 03/07/2011 22:27

Well I've worked in several places where the newest member of staff is routinely introduced as 'the new girl' -this went for both sexes and all ages.

Twas meant to be a humorous way of easing them in.Hmm

BluddyMoFo · 03/07/2011 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bonkers20 · 03/07/2011 22:32

I'm with you OP. I hate it! I hate it even more when professional women refer to themselves as girls. In the right context it's fine e.g. girls night out (comparable to boys night out), but not in the work place.

I probably sound like a raving feminist at times, but I will always refer to woman as women in the workplace. I actually don't think insult is intended, but it's about time the term stopped being used.

Original poster
threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:33

It seems very backward to me. At none of the places I've worked in for the last 10 years would that go unnoticed!

Is this the different between the NFP / Charity sector (my old jobs) and the private sector (my new job) then? People in the NFP sector are generally more enlightened?! ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
threefeethighandrising · 03/07/2011 22:36

I agree bonkers20, I don't think insult is intended at all.

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 03/07/2011 22:36

threefeet that is interesting - I work in the public sector (broadly speaking) and I am pretty sure this wouldn't be said where I work. Nobody would say anything but it would just be a bit... off, really.

Also, just asked DP who works in charity and his response was an immediate headshake and 'Very patronising'.

And he is from Huddersfield, where political correctness is still at least 10 years off.

Tchootnika · 03/07/2011 22:37

Mildly naff, perhaps, but not necessarily patronising (or not intended to be).
Unless there's a lot else wrong with the job, best to see it in its best (intended) light, though, surely?
Mild naffness notwithstanding, it sounds as if they're making a proper effort to be welcoming, and let people know you're there, which is a hell of a lot more than some employers do, isn't it?

LolaRennt · 04/07/2011 02:44

I do wish I had the kind of life where this sort thing was worth worrying about.

It is an expression, and as has been mentioned its a throw back to school. New boy, new girl, new kid.