to object to being called "the new girl"

[threefeethighandrising]

I'm nearly 40 ffs!

I just started a new job and my boss has introduced me by email to a supplier as "the new girl".

My lodger said "I bet you wouldn't mind if a woman had said it", but that's not it at all. I wouldn't actually mind (much) if a colleague called me it, but my line manager or anyone senior?

It's patronising, isn't it? And I'd bet good money that a 40 year old bloke would something like "the new guy", definitely not a "boy".

Grrr.

I total get where the OP is coming from. There is a male manager at one of my clients who refers to his all female staff as 'my girls'. Makes me cringe. They aren't too happy about it either and have spoken up more than once about it.

And FFS, of course she has more important things to worry about. That doesn't mean she can't be a bit upset about this as well. She is entitled to her feelings.

OP I think I would mention it to the person who sent the email, telling him that you are professional woman with 20 years experience and that you would appreciate it if he didn't call you a girl.

Oh God

This phone is going out of the window.....

Oh God get a grip is what I was going to say.

The tone it was said in would alter my irritation level either up or down but I wouldn't like it either, I would have stuck my hand out with a smile and introduced myself properly with my job title if someone introduced me in that way.

For those who say there are more important things to worry about I agree ending world hunger takes priority but on a personal level how you new boss does or doesn't show you respect in front of co-workers sets the early tone of your working relationships, not forever, but it sends a message, I don't think the OP is being unreasonable.

I wouldn't particularly like it - but as pointed out to me, the office where I used to work did have people who would equally say "new boy".

And when you're new, you might not yet have seen whether "boy" and "girl" are both used.

I'm a 41yo man who's just started a new job and I have been referred to as "the new boy". I assumed it was meant ironically rather than patronisingly.

snorbs when the pay differential between men and women doing the same job has gone then maybe women will be less uptight about such things.

YANBU. It is totally unacceptable to refer to a new colleague or employee as "the new girl". You presumably have a job title and a name, and your boss should have politely introduced you as Ms Jane Smith, our new Key Account Manager (or whatever you are).

I can imagine a circumstance where it was just about acceptable in a face to face conversation, but in an email it sounds terrible. "New member of our team" would do. I work with a 25 year old who has said "good girl" to me and he is lucky not to have been slapped for being a patronising twunt.

Exactly Snorbs

OP - YABU. A new "man" would also be introduced as "the new boy" by someone inclined to such a turn of phrase for the same reason that new women get introduced as "the new girl". The simple reason is that "new man" or "new woman" sounds utterly stupid. People use such turns of phrase to be friendly usually. And depending on the size of the office/department most people that you get introduced to on your first day know what role and position you have been recruited for.

YANBU

I'd be horrified if anyone called me the 'new girl'. I don't care if it is a throwback to school - we're not at school any more and I would find it demeaning. What's wrong with introducing you by name, FGS?

PMSL at "Oh God."

If I heard "new girl", I would be expecting Sandra Dee! Young and unsure of herself.

Not a great image for a new start!

I have never heard any of my male colleagues referred to as "boy"

I have, however, heard / been the target of lots of examples where women (yes, middle aged - our office avg age is about mid-late 40s) are usually referred to as:

"the new girl"
"the admin girl" (woman who's retiring in the next ten years - don't know her exact age but she's certainly not a girl)
"the phone girl" (our receptionist)
"who's their girl?" (meant as our primary contact for a project)
etc.

Personally, I don't think the people using the term mean anything nasty by it. And I think we do have more important things to worry about, such as lack of equality of opportunity in the workplace (my sector, too).

But that doesn't mean to say it's not patronising.

Or has any place in a professional environment in 2011.

It essentially links "women" = "less mature/respected/infants" vs. men, where "boy" would sound very very odd - I'm not doubting people here have offices where it's used, but actually if I'm being honest maybe the reason why I've not heard it used is because of the racial implications? We are heavily involved in the charity/NFP organisations - perhaps there's a rub off there?

Because let's face it, a white male manager in his 30s calling an early 40s black employee "boy" continually wouldn't be acceptable, because of the connotations involved (showing a lack of respect, etc) - just as it does, in a more subtle way, for women deemed "girl".

So, OP, YANBU. It's a silly thing to write in a professional email in 2011, but I'm not surprised, unfortunately.

YANBU. I'm the "new girl" at work and I've been there three years. And I'm more senior than half the people that call me by this name. I'm also the "new[insert name of predecessor]" which irritates me no end as a) no-one really liked this person and b) the person was a bloke.

I wouldn't mind myself at least he's introducing you to everyone in what I feel sounds like a friendly way, plus being called the new girl at 40+ must knock a few years off. Also where I work if you let people know things bother you they do it all the more so I'd just laugh it off x

YANBU. You're a woman, not a girl, and you'd never get a 40-year old man referred to as the "new boy".

New editor
New manager
New lady
Your name

.... all better than "the new girl"!

Can I ask, those of you who think it's OK, do you work in the private sector?

threefeethighandrising
Nope, am in public sector.
(Not sure I think it's Ok, but don't think it's sooo terrible, either.)
Why?

I was just wondering, as all my jobs in the last decade have been NFP / charity, and it wouldn't have been said there. Personally I'd never refer to an adult woman as a girl in a professional setting.

This is my first job in the private sector for a long while. I was just wondering if it's a private / public sector thing?

It's also my first job in a small town (moved out of London).

I'm not raging about it, but I do think it's unprofessional / outdated. The people I've met so far seem nice though. I've decided I'm going to befriend them, lull them into a false sense of security and then just when they're not expecting it introduce my radical ideas about equality of the sexes

I do think you are over thinking this, if that is his way, it's his way, learn to live with it, not everybody conforms to what others deem to be the right way to do things, if it bothers you that much look for alternative employment.

Excellent call!
I agree, it's dated and, well - slightly silly, really, but as you say, that seems about all... (i.e. definitely not nasty/deliberately undermining).
Very much like your plan of action, btw.

Our secretaries are often collectively referred to as "the girls". It bothers me (although on occasions I have done it myself after hearing it so many times ).

threefeet I think your approach is a good one. Its never a good idea to go in with all guns blazing when you are relatively new in a job (especially if they have probation periods ).

I am in the private sector and would prefer not to be referred to as a "girl". Having said that I have worked with a male member of staff (older than me but more junior) who refered to most women as "darling" but this was because he was a bit crap with names and also refered to most blokes as "mate".

OP YANBU its completely unnacceptabe unless said in a post feminist ironic way or knowingly as 'a saying'. However, no way can you raise it yet as you will want to establish yourself