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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost my temper with dh in an argument over the Tv?

43 replies

aquos · 03/07/2011 21:59

my dh is a bit of a telly addict. On the other hand I don't watch much telly, but once the kids are in bed I like to watch something.

So tonight dh puts the telly on after dinner, watches a car repair programme with ds and then the kids go to bed. Dh then watches a programme about tanks, then switches over to Top Gear, then puts on something I've already seen. All without once asking me if there was anything I wanted to watch.

I've been sat in the same room as him for the last 4 hours and hes just carried on as if I wasn't there. When I spoke up and said I would have liked to have watched something off the Sky planner earlier, but it was too late to start watching now, he said I had no justification to moan as if I'd wanted to watch something I should have said earlier.

Call me old fashioned, but is it not good manners to ask the people in the same room as you what they would like to watch or is it OK to just hog the remote hour after hour with no regard for those around you?

OP posts:
glassescase · 03/07/2011 22:00

Selfish pig

Punkatheart · 03/07/2011 22:01

It's rude and it's male, unfortunately. I get cross about the same thing - particularly about having Jeremy Clarkson in my home.

The power play in a relationship is often determined by the holder of the remote control. Take control - now!

Empusa · 03/07/2011 22:02

Tbh as he's a bit of a telly addict, and you aren't, I can see why he wouldn't have asked you. I think if he had then that would have been great, but not asking doesn't strike me as particularly rude.

I'm not quite sure why you waited until after your programme had started to mention it?

A1980 · 03/07/2011 22:03

he said I had no justification to moan as if I'd wanted to watch something I should have said earlier.

He's exactly right. If you want to watch something else, ask. Had you asked and he said no and continued to hog the remote for hours then you would have cause to complain.

Sorry YABU

Next time just say so and you'll avoid a totally pointless argument.

bubblesincoffee · 03/07/2011 22:04

Well, tbh, he has a point. You should have said earlier, or not bothered moaning.

He should have asked, but no more than you should have spoken up.

usualsuspect · 03/07/2011 22:04

Why didn't you just tell him what you wanted to watch

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/07/2011 22:04

Well if you don't watch much telly how was he supposed to know that there was something you wanted to watch?

MrsDePoint · 03/07/2011 22:06

YABU the time to speak up about this was before it's too late, not after. Were you trying to make him feel guilty? Sounds pretty passive aggressive to me.

sims2fan · 03/07/2011 22:07

Men are generally not good mind readers. They don't seem to instinctively know that women will not be thrilled by hours of cars/football/snooker/Formula 1 etc. Because of this I find it best to let my husband know in advance that I will be wanting to watch a certain programme at a certain time. To be fair, if it was the other way round and my husband moaned to me an hour into a chick flick that he had wanted to watch something else an hour ago I would be annoyed that he hadn't told me earlier, as he would now be affecting my peaceful viewing with his moaning!

puffling · 03/07/2011 22:08

It's about power. He obviously thinks the tv choice is up to him. Why should she have to ask? He should say in a friendly way, 'Is there anything you fancy watching?' and he would if he was a kind respectful person.

Empusa · 03/07/2011 22:09

"It's about power."

Really?? Hmm

usualsuspect · 03/07/2011 22:11

Its not about power,its about the op not telling him she wanted to watch something

TragicallyHip · 03/07/2011 22:12

Dh just puts what he wants on without asking me. I just tell him to change the bloody channel which ends up with him saying we only get to watch what I want!

Original poster
aquos · 03/07/2011 22:13

Yes, I see what you are saying. I seem to have allowed myself to become a bit of a doormat. I've lost some weight recently and can feel some of my confidence returning. I'm starting to speak up for myself, but perhaps not soon or clearly enough. Its my fault for letting certain things be a certain way for too long.

OP posts:
TragicallyHip · 03/07/2011 22:13

I don't think it's about power but if op doesn't say anything then why would he change the channel. It is nice to be asked though.

usualsuspect · 03/07/2011 22:14

Thats the spiri,aquos ..take control of the remote

usualsuspect · 03/07/2011 22:14

spirit*

TragicallyHip · 03/07/2011 22:15

Don't blame yourself, just from now on tell him that you want to watch something else.

MrsDePoint · 03/07/2011 22:22

He should say in a friendly way, 'Is there anything you fancy watching?' and he would if he was a kind respectful person."

or an imaginary friend. In the real world, adults speak their own minds and are responsible for themselves.

mayorquimby · 03/07/2011 23:21

If you want to get in to dissecting this as a power play you could just as easily start hypothesising that in fact the op was the one who was being controlling as she allowed it to go on before making a passive aggressive remark when it was too late to do anything about it and paint herself as a martyr.

It would be equally as ridiculous as claiming that the husband in this scenario was somehow making it about asserting his power.
You should have just spoken up.

superjobeespecs · 03/07/2011 23:29

when OH is home we swap between 1 on pc 1 with sky remote but he never pipes up and says ''damn you woman if i have to watch another minute of comedy central again i shall blow your brains out!!'' when i know he wants to so now if we want to watch seperate things i'll go ben the bedroom as thats 'my' tv Grin everything recorded there is mine even tho i have it all recorded in the living room too haha

pjmama · 03/07/2011 23:30

I'm with the mayor. You set him up to fulfill your expectations by saying nothing for 4 hours, during which time he quite fairly assumed you were happy for him to hog the remote. Then you had a go when it was too late for him to do anything about it.

magicmummy1 · 03/07/2011 23:38

DH and I have got into the habit of letting each other know early in the evening if there's anything that we want to watch, and if so, what time. Neither of us watch that much tv anyway, so nobody tends to hog the remote. Grin

OP, I can understand your annoyance, but really think you should have spoken up earlier - or else kept quiet. No point in painting yourself the martyr after the event!

puffling · 03/07/2011 23:45

Whether or not the op handled this in the correct way, he was a git to hog the remote.

puffling · 03/07/2011 23:46

And if she hasd spoken up earlier, I'd imagine he'd have got stroppy because he wasn't getting what he wanted.

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