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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have lost my temper with dh in an argument over the Tv?

43 replies

aquos · 03/07/2011 21:59

my dh is a bit of a telly addict. On the other hand I don't watch much telly, but once the kids are in bed I like to watch something.

So tonight dh puts the telly on after dinner, watches a car repair programme with ds and then the kids go to bed. Dh then watches a programme about tanks, then switches over to Top Gear, then puts on something I've already seen. All without once asking me if there was anything I wanted to watch.

I've been sat in the same room as him for the last 4 hours and hes just carried on as if I wasn't there. When I spoke up and said I would have liked to have watched something off the Sky planner earlier, but it was too late to start watching now, he said I had no justification to moan as if I'd wanted to watch something I should have said earlier.

Call me old fashioned, but is it not good manners to ask the people in the same room as you what they would like to watch or is it OK to just hog the remote hour after hour with no regard for those around you?

OP posts:

cat64 · 03/07/2011 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsDePoint · 03/07/2011 23:54

puffling, that's a bit of a leap, don't you think?

M0naLisa · 03/07/2011 23:57

we share the remote as i am here he has control of the remote, as soon as i have finsihed watching soaps and other programmes i pass him the remote. works well for us. Luckily DH and i have the same kind of like for other programmes so if he puts on dsomething CBS which is about acidents and stunts il watch it, same as like now we have Man Vs Food on from Good Food channel that e have recorded and i like that.

puffling · 03/07/2011 23:59

Not really judging by the programmes he imagined she didn't mind sitting through for 4 hours.

FabbyChic · 04/07/2011 00:00

Generally if you want to watch something you say, how was he to know you were not happy with what was on if you didn't say anything.

I'd have said so and so is on at 9 I'd like to watch it. You do have vocal cords use them or how is he supposed to know?

Empusa · 04/07/2011 00:45

"And if she hasd spoken up earlier, I'd imagine he'd have got stroppy because he wasn't getting what he wanted."

That is a massive leap. And you're basing it on the programmes he watched how?

MrsDePoint · 04/07/2011 01:37

How do you get that from the programmes he watched? Looks like pretty standard man stuff therefore all men would respond that way? That kind of leap would clear the Grand Canyon.

EttiKetti · 04/07/2011 03:46

I can't believe you sat for 4 hours and didn't say anything but then in our house we do actually ask one another if there's anything the other wants to watch or even if they plan to watch tv, as we don't often.

Use that new found confidence (and well done on the weight loss!)

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/07/2011 03:58

I hardly watch any TV and my husband's like yours - after the DC are in bed and chores done, it'll go on and stay on till he goes to bed. I just read in the same room, or MN, or whatever. Once a week he's out at a painting class and I watch something from a DVD set. This is our norm, and always has been.

Therefore, if I do want to watch something on TV while he's around, I say 'alright if I have the TV for a while tonight?' and he says fine, and that's that. I don't ask because it's his TV or his decision, but because the default is that he'll want to watch something and I don't.

That said, you said that after the kids are in bed you do like to watch TV, and I'm assuming that you were sitting there watching along with him? So it's not like my situation at all - you were both sitting there watching TV together? In which case, okay, he should've asked. But you still should've said something - what's wrong with 'after this programme's over, let's watch X'?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/07/2011 05:36

Agree with everyone else. You get nowhere by playing the martyr. Speak up w

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/07/2011 05:37

Oh fgs, this phone!

Speak up woman!

CaptainBizarro · 04/07/2011 06:37

If my husband waited until after I'd watched something and then told me all martyr-ish that there was something he'd wanted to watch I'm afraid to say i'd think he was a little bit pathetic. Equally, I'd expect him to think the same of me, had I handled it the same way.

Sunday night, slobbing in front of the telly is not the time for standing on ceremony. If you want something from your very own husband, them just ask him for it. :)

Piggles · 04/07/2011 07:03

My DH is the same - I'm not a big telly addict, but he has pretty much always got cars or sports on the telly. So if I want to watch something different I have to wrest the remote from his cold dead hand speak up.

He is usually pretty accomodating if there is something on that I really want to see - provided I ask him before he gets into a show he likes; which is fair enough. If I had watched more than 5 minutes of a Covert Affairs episode I'd be less than charmed if he suddenly said he wanted to switch it over to football.

InLimboAgain · 04/07/2011 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly · 04/07/2011 07:18

He's controlling

He's emotional abusive

Leave him OP

Seriously you should both talk to each other before settling down for the evening.

oohjarWhatsit · 04/07/2011 09:29

is he a mind reader?
are you mute?
do you both sit there in silence?

oohjarWhatsit · 04/07/2011 09:31

"And if she hasd spoken up earlier, I'd imagine he'd have got stroppy because he wasn't getting what he wanted."

well we will never know, cos she didnt say anything and expected him just to feel it in his water

ScarletOHaHa · 04/07/2011 10:52

ahem - in our house the remote is MINE. We have two tvs; I prefer the one in the main living area. NO way would he wait 4 hours to watch something. We agree to watch programmes together (or not). We like such different things that we have to negotiate.

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