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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this normal for a husband to do?

42 replies

knittynoodle · 02/07/2011 19:11

My DP has gone away for the weekend with friends. We have a 7mo and I suppose I didnt think twice about him going away. Now its here Im a little lonely but Ive got lots of friends to see/things to be getting on with etc

Some of my friends have said things like 'if MY DP did that, he'd be IN for it!' or 'wow, cant believe you let him go!' Let??? Shock

AIBU not to be annoyed about this? Its made me think I might be a doormat!

OP posts:
InFlames · 02/07/2011 19:12

YANBU or a doormat :-)

worraliberty · 02/07/2011 19:13

Of course YANBU. You don't own each other.

I take it he'd be ok with you going away while he looks after the baby?

Tortington · 02/07/2011 19:14

as long as its not a problem GENUINLEY really and truly think about it - IS IS NOT a problem for you to just say " am off for a weekend"

if there is equality in the fucking off stakes - then its fine

redskyatnight · 02/07/2011 19:14

Well if it's every weekend and every night then your friends potentially have a point :)
However assuming it's only the occasional time, YANBU.

akaemmafrost · 02/07/2011 19:14

Well it depends on whether or not you both have the same options, if yes then fine, if no then not fine.

Your friends sound terribly controlling.

Carrotsandcelery · 02/07/2011 19:15

YANBU as long as he would allow you to do the same.

Original poster
knittynoodle · 02/07/2011 19:16

Oh I could go away for a weekend, definately. Not that I would, I dont fancy it. But I could if I wanted to.

The same friends dont like their DP's going out with women friends or people they dont know...

OP posts:
Original poster
knittynoodle · 02/07/2011 19:18

And when I had the baby, they said 'those weekends away will have to stop now, wont they'

Seeing as they havent I feel Im being judged for 'letting' him go!

OP posts:
hugeleyoutnumbered · 02/07/2011 19:18

no your friends are being a bit odd IMO.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 02/07/2011 19:19

your friends sound very insecure and controlling. I go away for the weekend to see family or friends who live far away, as does DH.

IF you are equally 'allowed' to go away for weekends, there is no issue at all.

naturalbaby · 02/07/2011 19:19

depends. when's your weekend away?! your friends obviously have issues with their dp's!
my dh has nights out but not away unless it's travel with work. it's been like that since we met pretty much.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 02/07/2011 19:19

Yes, it's normal, why not? No law that says you have to be superglued together. I think it's far healthier to have time to do your own thing.

As long as both of you do! If one of you is taking the piss, then that's not on. If he's got a social life beyond you but you don't/he won't let you, then that wouldn't be acceptable. But assuming it's all fair and equal, then I don't see the problem.

I don't think you're a doormat. I think you're a confident woman who isn't threatened by her husband having a social life. Who doesn't feel that if he isn't with her 24/7, then he doesn't love her.

I think that people who want their partner to have no life away from them, are insecure. (or at least, looking back on it, I was and that's why I used to kick up a fuss if he so much as went to the pub!!) You can't live in a bubble. No matter how much you love someone, you need other people too. And that takes nothing away from you as a family.

So don't let your mates make you feel like there's something wrong.

Vroomfondel · 02/07/2011 19:20

one of my mates did this when the DDs were little 'Oh you are so good letting him go out'

what the actual fuck?????? I don't let him any more than he lets me.

if one or other of us wants to go away for the weekend or week or night then we just sort ot out and do so.

Weird.

Vroomfondel · 02/07/2011 19:21

these days DH gets a whole weekend once a year and I in turn (and rightly so) gets a whole week. tis bliss.

Carrotsandcelery · 02/07/2011 19:21

I would be more concerned about your friends tbh. Relationships are built on trust.

Ignore what others do though. Everyone runs their relationships differently and as long as you are both content with the way yours runs then it is not their business.

Reena31 · 02/07/2011 19:22

I don't think its anyone else's business what happens in your marriage/partnership especially your friend - some men "cant handle looking after the kids " for an evening or weekend some men are like that - i know first hand others do.

My hubby went on a stag do for 3 days leaving me and my baby ok so he was over a year but, and he regularly stays away from home due to his job which is fine i'm used to it but if i wanted to go away for the weekend i know it wouldn't be a problem i try and go out once a month and like some mothers i don't rush around trying to feed child hubby's job and he does it while i take 2 hours to get ready :)

Flisspaps · 02/07/2011 19:23

YANBU if you're happy with it. Tell your mates that they're the unreasonable ones, thinking they have to keep their DPs on a short leash and do as they're told.

I'm perfectly happy for DH to go off with friends for the weekend, and I have no desire to go anywhere for a weekend myself, can't be arsed with the packing, the travelling, the unpacking, the traipsing round somewhere unfamiliar, the packing, the travelling back blah blah blah when I've got a very comfy bed and a fridge with beer/wine in it at home.

Samvet · 02/07/2011 19:23

If you are a doormat I am whatever is below a doormat as my hubby goes to see friends for the weekend occasionally and I have a 10m old. He didn't go for the first 6 months but I don't see the issue. We don't own each other, he would let me go off too but all my friends are mums too so not much chance of that!!

JustAnother · 02/07/2011 19:24

Well, if it is not normal, then I am very abnormal. I have been going away for the odd weekend since DS was 2 months old, and so has DH. It is good to spend time apart and get the opportunity to "not be a parent" for a couple of days.

shakey1500 · 02/07/2011 19:25

Well it's defininately normal for my dh. Couple of weekends a year, fishing, meeting friends etc. In turn I get to spend a couple of weekends in London with my friends, seeing a few shows, eating out getting rip roaringly drunk and generally relaxing.

FlubbaBubba · 02/07/2011 19:25

Your friends are odd.

We all need time away, and we certainly shouldn't allow each other to do it - compromise and conversation about it, yes; seeking permission, no.

DH went to the States when DD1 was 6m, and is going away for a golfing w/end when DS is 7m (and I will be on my own with DD1 (now 4), DD2 (almost 3) and DS. No question of whether I would or wouldn't let him. Certainly don't feel like a doormat because of it! :o

Choufleur · 02/07/2011 19:25

DH is away on a boys fishing weekend as we speak. Went Thursday coming back tomorrow.

PinkSchmoo · 02/07/2011 19:26

I suggested DH go away when DD was 9mo.
For a week.
To las Vegas.
Over new year!
If it works for you both it's fine.

HooverTheHamaBeads · 02/07/2011 19:29

entirely normal, i'd have thought.

jeckadeck · 02/07/2011 19:31

It totally depends on how you feel about it. If you're OK with it it's OK and especially if he would return the favour. If you're not, its not and you should tell him. But I agree with other posters here that the people who have a problem with it are wrong to impose their standards onto your relationship.

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