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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this normal for a husband to do?

42 replies

knittynoodle · 02/07/2011 19:11

My DP has gone away for the weekend with friends. We have a 7mo and I suppose I didnt think twice about him going away. Now its here Im a little lonely but Ive got lots of friends to see/things to be getting on with etc

Some of my friends have said things like 'if MY DP did that, he'd be IN for it!' or 'wow, cant believe you let him go!' Let??? Shock

AIBU not to be annoyed about this? Its made me think I might be a doormat!

OP posts:
Original poster
knittynoodle · 02/07/2011 19:32

Im actually pleased hes away at this moment, as I dont need to do dinner. I'll just have some cheese on toast! Grin

OP posts:
spookshowangel · 02/07/2011 19:35

your friends sound mental.

Tchootnika · 02/07/2011 19:37

Was about to write post about how there's no way it's abnormal for your DH to be away - as long as you're both fine about it, but it looks like you are, Smile.
Happy cheese and chilling!

Omigawd · 02/07/2011 19:38

If you are happy fine, it can be quite nice to have a weekend sans DH. So long as it would be fine if you could go way too, and it's not all the time.

sausagesandmarmelade · 02/07/2011 19:42

yanbu...no way!!

It's healthy for you both to have your own friends and to sometimes do things separately.

Make the most of the time to yourself...have some pampering, get a takeaway or whatever.

He'll be back soon enough...and no doubt has been missing you both as well.

MigratingCoconuts · 02/07/2011 19:44

I completely agree...if you are ok with it then it is fine...if you felt that you were being let down by him then it would be different.

Personally I too like a little time alone!

Your friends are being crappy.

olibeansmummy · 02/07/2011 19:44

Yes it is normal and healthy. I actually enjoy it when dh is away for a night as I can eat what I like, watch what I like and have a much needed early night!

skybluepearl · 02/07/2011 19:44

my DH is doing the same soon and i have a baby too. really happy to let him go - i trust him and think he deserves some respite away from kids/work. ive had lots of breaks away too over the years and will get away again when baby is older. having time apart makes time together more special. I will do nice things while he is away - have friends over and take the kids on a day trip.

Shakirasma · 02/07/2011 19:48

YANBU

You only live once. It is cruel and pathetic to prevent somebody doing something they really want to do because of your own insecurities. That is the mantra both DH and I live by.

We are both parents, both capable of caring for our children without the other for a few nights. DH travels across Europe to watch footie matches about 3 times per year. It makes him happy. I went to Spain for a long weekend with a girl friend last year, fairs fair.

I would rather he was away with his mates having a good time and missing me and loving me for it, than sitting at home resenting me because he didn't really want to be here!

Georgimama · 02/07/2011 19:50

You sound normal and so does your husband. Your friends sound mad. Don't let them make you question a perfectly normal arrangement between two adults who love and trust each other.

BTW, I totally get that you don't feel like going away for a weekend, but you really should force yourself to do it, within the next few months. It would be good for you and good for your husband to get used to flying solo with your children.

biddysmama · 02/07/2011 21:00

i have a 9 year old, 2 year old and 10 month old... my husbands away at a scooter rally this weekend,its the first time hes been away since the baby was born, althought been out with friends for the night 4 times, one of those was his stag do, yanbu as long as your happy with it and not been pressured?

biddysmama · 02/07/2011 21:02

btw, i havent left my 2 year old yet, i just dont want or need to be away from them, furthesy she has been is to the park with daddy for an hour :) theres nothing wrong with not wanting to leave your baby

Loolah · 02/07/2011 21:54

YANBU you only live once, before me and DH had children he said he would like to go and watch british lions on tour! which has meant that when DD1 was 1 in 2005 he went to New Zealand for 3 weeks. In 2009 DD1 (5) and DD2 was 3months old he went to South Africa for a month. I am now awaiting 2013 when I am sure he will be off to Austrailia for a length of time. This is a once in a lifetime chance as its back to NZ 4 years after. I also have time away although it is only weekends as i couldn't be away for DC's any longer. I am a very understanding wife!!!

coastgirl · 02/07/2011 21:59

My DH has gone out to watch the boxing at the pub on his own tonight because the friend he was going to go with "isn't allowed out" (his words!). I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I can count on one hand the amount of times he's been out without me since I got pregnant and it didn't occur to him that he should ask permission first! I know this friend of his has two kids, 2 and 6, but he doesn't go out very often either and they're hardly likely to end up in a strip club (for one, there aren't any here...).

Totally normal for husbands and wives to do their own things sometimes.

YellowDinosaur · 02/07/2011 22:05

YANBU. I am away as we speak. Dh was away cycling for 5 days over last weekend. He has had a couple of other cycling weekends this year. I went to New Zealand to see my sister on my own for 2 weeks while dh looked after the boys.

Its not called being a doormat - its about respecting that you both have other interests and needs outside the relationship and supporting each other to be happy and fulfilled. And because dh and I both support each other in this way if he ever asked me NOT to do somehting or I did then we would put the other first without question.

Your friends loss I say

GreenEyesandHam · 02/07/2011 22:16

YANBU but if were here why would you have to do dinner?

Huh? Huh? Grin

Of course it's fine to have weekends away, most people think so. So maybe if lots of friends are saying this to you, it could be that they're worried about you being a doormat for other reasons as well ...

joric · 02/07/2011 22:19

You are not each others shadows - of course he should go - and if you were to have the chance to go away you should feel able to go too !

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