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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop my soon be ex husband from being in the room when i give birth

42 replies

Shellitheking · 30/06/2011 20:52

I am now 34 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child. At 28 weeks I found out my husband was cheating on me, he has said that he will not give up the other women so the marriage is over. My last labour was very difficult so I have told him that as I can not trust him I don't want him there? AIBU

OP posts:
stoppinchingthedummy · 30/06/2011 20:54

Imo yanbu ...your birth your rules ...Will you let him see the baby after the birth?

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/06/2011 20:54

No. You are giving birth and it is important that your surroundings are as comfortable with as little stress as possible and if that means no ExH, so be it.

Happymm · 30/06/2011 20:55

No you're not. You need someone you trust implicitly with you when you give birth, to be there as your support and as your advocate if necessary. Sorry you're in this situation :(

lettinggo · 30/06/2011 20:55

Why would you even consider him being there? You need someone to support you throughg what may be another tough labour. The last thing you need is to have to look at him as well.

I'm really sorry, by the way.

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 30/06/2011 20:55

You poor thing. I think you need someone who loves you and you can trust with you. That's not him is it? Have you someone else? I hope so xx

knobbysEx · 30/06/2011 20:56

No you are not. You have a right to privacy and dignity. Is he asking/insisting he is present?
He revoked his rights when he broke his marriage vows and walked out on his wife and children.

bubblesincoffee · 30/06/2011 20:57

YANBU. Seeing your baby be born is a privalige not a right. You have to do what is best for you, because you are the one in labour so what is best for you will be best for your baby.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 30/06/2011 20:57

YANBU. And he has no right to demand it, IMO.

Hassled · 30/06/2011 20:57

I started a post along the lines of while you must be really hurt and upset it's still his baby blah blah but actually, no, he lost the right (if he ever had a right) to be there when he started shagging around. You need to be relaxed and comfortable and his presence will just cause you stress. Tell the hospital he's not welcome in the room and can sit outside.

AgentZigzag · 30/06/2011 20:59

I'll give you a hug because you sound like you bloody need one.

I don't know the ins and outs, but I would say you can have whoever the fuck you want giving birth, and if you don't want him there the medical people will go along with what you want (they know better than to cross a pregnant woman Grin).

Are you/do you feel safe from him?

Have you got other, more lovely, people to help you out and hand hold?

He's a fucking bastard twat, and that's the truth.

AnyFucker · 30/06/2011 20:59

Your fanjo, your rules

Tell him he can wait outside the room, if he must, but he is not welcome at such an intimate event

make sure the midwives know too, so they can strong-arm him to the Far Side of Fuck when he tries to muscle in

flamegirl77 · 30/06/2011 21:00

Hell no and if he is even suggesting it he has a colossal nerve. Sorry you are in this situation. You are well rid of him and soon you will have a gorgeous newborn to cuddle. I hope your labour is straightforward and that you have a good experience.

clam · 30/06/2011 21:03

YANBU. At all.
Has he asked to be there, or are you re-empting the question in readiness to tell him to fuck --off- no?

MorelliOrRanger · 30/06/2011 21:04

Nope you don't have to have him there and after the way he's behaved I wouldn't want him there either.

Is there someone else you can use as a birthing partner.

HerHissyness · 30/06/2011 21:06

Bugger! AF got in with the Ticket to the Far side of Fuck! Grin

You can decide whatever you like. He has behaved in a disgusting fashion and has literally no right to dictate anything, least of all to you.

I'd not have the fucker in the same postcode as me tbh. he forfeited that right.

Original poster
Shellitheking · 30/06/2011 21:07

I have he can come in once the baby is born and I am cleaned up so he will only miss the birth. Also my mum is going to be my birthing partner she was going to be there any way.

The biggest issue I have is that we cant be in the same room on our own without arguing, labour will only make thing worse

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 30/06/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 30/06/2011 21:14

'The biggest issue I have is that we cant be in the same room on our own without arguing, labour will only make thing worse'

I know what you've said in your OP, but what you've said here looks like it's possible a part of you might want him there.

It's OK to want two opposing things at once, but you need to be straight with yourself.

MeconiumHappens · 30/06/2011 21:23

you have to feel comfortable and safe in labour, and thus no nobby ex required. Tell him to bugger off.

NellieForbush · 30/06/2011 21:25

YANBU. You're saying he wants to be there??

Jux · 30/06/2011 21:27

Does he want to be there?

I think you only have to tell the staff that you don't want anyone except your mum there, maybe warn them he might try to gatecrash (is he really likely to?) and they'll make certain he doesn't get in.

GreenEyesandHam · 30/06/2011 21:29

YADNBU in not wanting him there. But don't beat yourself up if when it comes down to it, you find you actually do want him there either.

Basically it's totally and utterly 100% your call

TCOB · 30/06/2011 21:30

YANBU. He is a totally pathetic excuse for a man and has no right to see you at your most vulnerable or share in the birth of the daughter he hasn't even got the balls to be a dad too. Hmph. IF he proves himself to be man enough to deserve a place in her life in future, that's another thing entirely.

What a pathetic fucker. So sorry that you are going through this. Sad.

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2011 21:50

Does he need to know when you go into labour?
I wouldn't tell him until it's over (quite a long time after it's over, actually...)

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2011 21:51

By the way, really sorry you're going through this.
Best of luck with the new baby.